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Section 6
Disagreement and reconciliation between husband and wife
Superiority of men over women -Wife's perverseness and desertion to effect - Duty to Allah inculcates all the other duties -Niggardliness and hypocrisy condemned,
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاء بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُواْ مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللّهُ وَاللاَّتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلاَ تَبْغُواْ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلاً إِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا {34}
34. "Men have authority over women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property (for the support of women). Therefore, the good women are obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded. And (as to) those (women) on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and avoid them in beds and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; verily Allah is Ever-High, Ever-Great."
Commentary:
Guardianship in the System of a Family
A family is a small unit of the society, similar to a large assembly of people; a family must have a single proper leader. The reason is that a leadership upon a family accomplished by several of men and women in common is of no vail. In this form of leadership, either of husband or wife must be the chief of the family and the other should be his/her assistant and under his/her governance. Here, by this verse, the Qur'an clearly announces that the guardianship of the family must be given to the man of the family. It says:
"Men have authority over women ..."
Of course, the purpose of this statement is not a sense of casting transgression, inequity and aggression; but the aim is producing a single, fairly regular leadership regarding to the necessary consultations and responsibilities.
The second section of the verse is divided into two parts. In the first part it denotes that this guardianship is for some superiorities that, (for the sake of regularity of the society), Allah has assigned for some people comparing some others. It says:
"...because Allah has made some of them to excel others ..."
And, in the second part of the statement it implies that this guardianship is for the sake of the responsibilities that men undertake along the side of financial payments due to women and family members. It says:
"...and because they spend out of their property (for the support of women) ..."
Then, it adds that: with respect to the duties women undertake at home, they are divided into two groups:
The first group are those pious women who, because of the rights Allah has set for them, are humble and protect the secrets and rights of their husband when the husband is absent:
"...therefore, the good women are obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded ..."
That is, always, and at the absence of their husbands in particular, they commit no treachery whether from the point of property, or honour, or protecting the family secrets, and the credit and personality of their husbands. They also truly follow their duties and responsibilities to fulfil them well. The second group are the women who usually refuse to do their duties. Thus, the signs of disagreement and discord are seen in them.
Confronting such women, men have some duties which they must follow step by step. At the first stage, it says:
"...And (as to) those (women) on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them ..."
For the second stage, it says:
"…and avoid them in beds..."
And, in the third stage, when the discord, disobedience, and the state of heedlessness toward the duties and responsibilities, the limits are transgressed, and the wife severely continues stubbornness and law breaking, so that neither admonishment nor separation from bed, nor heedlessness of man unto her, has any effect and avail, there remains no way save harshness. So, it says:
"...and beat them ..."
It is certain, of course, that if one of these stages affects positively and the woman starts doing her duties, the man has no right to hurt her under any pretext. That is why, immediately after stating this phrase, the Qur'an continue saying:
"...then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them...."
At the end of the verse, it warns men again that they should not abuse their position of guardianship in the family. They ought to think of Allah Whose Power is above all powers. It says:
"...verily Allah is Ever-High, Ever-Great."
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وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُواْ حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلاَحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا إِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا {35}
35. "And if you fear a breach between the couple, then appoint a judge from his people and a judge from her people. If they both desire agreement, Allah will effect harmony between them; Verily Allah is Knowing, All-Aware."
Commentary:
The Family Peace Court
In this holy verse, the Qur'an refers to the discord which happens between a couple, it says:
"And if you fear a breach between the couple, then appoint a judge from his people and a judge from her people. ..."
Then, it continues saying:
"... If they both desire agreement, Allah will affect harmony between them....."
And, in order to warn the concerning arbitrators to employ good intention in the course, it concludes the verse with this sense that Allah is aware of their intentions. It says:
"...Verily Allah is Knowing, All-Aware."
The 'family peace court', which has been referred to in this verse, is one of the distinguished works of Islam. This kind of peace-court, compared with ordinary courts, has some privileges that cannot be found in other courts. A few of these privileges are as follows:
1. In family environment the treatments cannot be dry and performed legally according to the spiritless court regulations. Hence, the Qur'an instructs that the arbitrators of this court must be of those who have kinship with the couple and are able to move their sentiments along the path of reconciliation. 2. In ordinary courts the two sides of the conflict have to divulge the secrets they have in order to defend themselves. Here, it is certain that if either of woman or man manifests their conjugal secrets for some strangers, they may hurt the feelings of each other so violently that if they be returned home forcefully, there will not exist any sign of their previous sincerity and lay between them. 3. In ordinary courts, judges are often inattentive in the course of dispute, while in the family peace-court, the arbitrators usually do their best to settle peace and sincerity between those two spouses and try to return them home. 4. Moreover, such a family court has none of the problems and heavy expenditures for the couple that the ordinary courts have.
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وَاعْبُدُواْ اللّهَ وَلاَ تُشْرِكُواْ بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالجَنبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ إِنَّ اللّهَ لاَ يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالاً فَخُورًا {36}
36. "And worship Allah and do not associate anything with Him, and do good to the parents, and to the kindred, and the orphans and the needy, and the neighbour close to you, and the neighbour who is a stranger, and the companion in a journey, and the way later, and (the slaves) whom your right hands possess. Verily Allah does not love the one who is proud, boastful."
Commentary:
In this verse, some different rights are spoken about. They are irrespective of the rights of Allah, and the Fights of people, and also some civilities of social life. On the whole, there are Ten Commandments mentioned in the verse.
1. The first theme therein is that it invites people to worship and servitude to Allah while they should abandon idolatry and infidelity. This godly manner is the root of all Islamic agenda. The act of following the lotion of Unity and theism, purifies the soul, clarifies the intention, strengthens the will, and tightens the decision for performing any right and useful action in the cause of Allah.
Since the verse is to state a series of Islamic rights, before referring to anything else, it points to the right of Allah upon people.
"And worship Allah and do not associate anything with Him ..."
2- Then, it adds: "...and do good to the parents ..."
The right of parents is one of the subjects which has been repeatedly emphasized in the holy Qur'an. There are fewer matters that have been recommended so much in it. In four occurrences of the Qur'an this idea has been mentioned after the subject of Unity.
3. Next to that, it continues saying:
"... and to the kindred, ..."
This subject is also one of the themes that has been emphasized abundantly in the Qur'an. It has sometimes been referred to as 'blood ties', and sometimes has been enjoined under the commandment of' doing good to the kindred '.
4. Then it pays to the rights of orphans, and encourages the believing people to doing good unto the 'orphans'. The reason of this emphasis is that, as a result of different incidents, there always exist some orphan children in every society that forgetting them not only spoils their condition but also puts the situation of the society in danger.
"... and the orphans..."
5. Next to that, the Holy Qur'an reminds us the 'rights' of the needy ones.
"...and the needy ..."
The reason of this remembrance is that: in every society there are usually some handicapped persons, some feeble ones, and the like of them that leaving them out is against all the principles of humanity.
6. After that, the verse recommends to doing good unto the neighbours who are near to us. It says: "... and the neighbour close to you ..."
7. The neighbours who are strangers to us are then recommended. It says:
"….and the neighbour who is a stranger…"
The 'right of neighbourhood' is so important in Islam that Imam Amir-ul-Mu'mineen Ali (a) has stated about it thus: "The Messenger of Allah (s) instructed about them so much that we thought he might enjoin that they would inherit from each other." [1]
Another tradition denotes that one day it happened that the holy Prophet (s) three times said:
"By Allah, he does not believe."
A person asked him (s) whom he meant, and the Prophet (s) said: "The person whose neighbour is not in security from his molestation." [2]
8. After that, the Qur'an has recommended about those who are friends and companions. It says: "...and the companion in a journey ..."
The Arabic phrase: /as-sahib-il-janb/, of course, has a larger scope of meaning than 'friend' and 'companion'. Thus, the verse conveys a general and inclusive command regarding to having good manner due to those who somehow connect with us irrespective of real friends, fellow-workmen, fellow-travellers, those who ask us for something, students, counsellors, and waiters.
9. Another group, whom are recommended about here, are those who will be in need, because of some reasons, when they are in journey and are far from their own home, although they may be rich in their own city. So, it says:
"...and way farer ..."
10. The final recommendation is about doing good unto the slaves. It says:
"...and (the slaves) whom your right hands possess ..."
In fact, the above verse begins with the subject of the right of Allah and concludes with 'the rights of slaves’. Not only in this verse the slaves are recommended about, but also many other verses of the Qur'an are upon this matter At the end, the verse warns us, saying:
"... Verily Allah does not love the one who is proud, boastful. "
*********************** Notes: [1] 'Amali, by Sadugh, p. 4208 (Persian translation) & Tafsir-ul-'Amthal, vol. 3, p. 204
[2] Ibid
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