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Importance of a Family Code A sensible and well-balanced family system is the very foundation of a
happy life. Indeed, it is the root of an advancing civilization. Religion comes
to take human beings nearer to Allah. Therefore, it must create an atmosphere
conducive to that ideal; otherwise, it cannot achieve its goal. No religion can
be regarded as complete unless it has a well-defined code of family life which
expressly shows the exact responsibility and role of each member of the family.
The family is a closely-knit unit of human society; and this nearness creates
eminent danger of friction and conflict unless every member is told in
unambiguous terms what his duties and rights are. If a religion shuts its eyes to the intricacies of family problems, its
followers, sooner or later, will revolt against it, destroying all religious
tenets in the wake of that rebellion. The reason is simple; the prevalent
environment and social system would not be in harmony with that religion; and
the influence of inharmonious society would gradually push them further and
further from that religion. Finally a time would come when the religion would
have no more than a ceremonial function with little or no effect on life. A good example would be Christianity which ignored the claims of human
nature, extolling the idea of celibacy. Many zealous people tried to live up to
that ideal, Monks and nuns shut themselves in monasteries. For a short period,
this scheme worked well. Then the nature took its revenge; the monks and abbots
cultivated the idea that they were representatives of Christ, and the nuns were
given the title of “brides of Christ.” So with easy conscience they turned the
monasteries into centres of sexual liberties. Nature can be compared to a steel spring which when pressed down jumps
back with equal force. When it took its revenge upon Christians, it turned the
Christians societies into the most per-missive, libertine and undisciplined
ones the world had ever seen. This happens when a religion does not con-form with nature and when the
leaders of religion think that it is quite enough to say `Love thy neighbour'
without telling them how. Islam and the Family System Islam is the Final religion and has the most ideal shari `ah
(revealed law). An unbiased observer cannot help admiring the equilibrium which
it has achieved balancing the demands of body and spirit, providing guidance
concerning life in this world as well as teachings concerning life in the
hereafter. It is the Leading Light which brightly illuminates every turning in the
highway of human life. It is the Perfect shari `ah which did not leave
any human need uncared for. In so far as family-life goes, we see that Islam has unravelled every
problem of the family system with such dexterity that one has to accept that it
could not be solved in a better way. One cannot but register astonishment at the attitude adopted by some
Christians writers. They seem to be suffering from an inferiority complex when
they compare the Islamic shari `ah with their religion which has no shari
`ah at all. Therefore, they try to imply that, that perfection of shari
`ah is a “drawback” or that the moral standard of Islamic teachings is not
as high as that of Christianity. Family Pillars In any family there are those persons without whom a family cannot be
regarded as complete. A human being is born of a father and a mother; the
parents look after the child and bring it up. This child in turn attains
maturity and is joined to a spouse in the golden link of matrimony. Then this
couple start their own family. Thus we may say that the persons who form
pillars of the family are father, mother, child, husband and wife. Some people need help in their domestic chores. Therefore, Islam has
added the `servant' also in the list. Joint Family and Separate Family
Systems According to sociologists, there are two types of family systems in the
world: “The Joint Family System” and “The Separate Family System”. Joint Family System: This system implies that all
members of a clan:- father, son, brother, sister, uncle, nephew etc., live
together. The in come of the individual is not treated as his personal
property, rather it belongs to the family and the expenses of all members are
met by that `family income.' Separate Family System: In this system every-one is
responsible for his own immediate dependants. His income belongs to him and not
to the family. The Hindu family is a joint family while in And, perhaps it was because of this system that Hindus regard cousins as
falling within the prohibited degrees, that is, cousins may not marry each
other in the Hindu religion. There is no such prohibition in Islam. However, both these systems are very old, and each has its advantages
and disadvantages. Joint Family System: its Advantages
and Disadvantages The Joint Family System is a very good ex-ample of humanism,
benevolence, mutual trust and co-operation. Members of a family or clan are branches of the same root. It is only
natural that they should remain united in their domestic management and family
life. This `togetherness' is expected to create happiness and peace of mind. Furthermore, this system ensures that those family members who, for any
reason, are unable to earn their livelihood do not face destitution and
poverty, and thus are spared disgrace and heartaches. This system acts like an
Insurance company which accepts all responsibilities at the time of old age,
unemployment and sickness, and the family members are saved from the troubling
anxiety of tomorrow. So much about its advantages. Ironically, these very advantages give
rise to its disadvantages. The ease of mind provided by this system some times
can be misused by some unscrupulous people. If a member of the family is lazy,
he finds it easy enough to live on the fruits of others' labour; he never
realizes the importance of earning his own livelihood. Once he acquires such
taste, he will find many excuses to avoid work. After all, why should he exert
himself when there are other relatives ready to take his burden on their
shoulders? Unless one is made to realize that one cannot exploit others in this
way, one will not make real effort to earn his bread. Neither will he fell
ashamed of his useless life. Furthermore, this system kills the initiative to work harder. If a man
exerts himself to the furthest limit and thus earns more, his standard of
living, naturally, would be much higher than a person earning less. If a man
earns twice as much as his brother, common sense says that their standards of
living must be different accordingly. But the Joint Family System does not
allow it. And the drive to exert oneself more, and to earn more, dies. The most serious defect of this system is that, instead of creating
harmony, love and trust in the family (as it is supposed to do), it becomes the
chief cause of domestic strife. When a man works hard to meet the expenses of
the Joint Family while his brother spends his time in roaming the streets
aimlessly; or when he exerts himself to earn as much money as possible, while
the brother throws away his chances of advancement, the resulting ugliness in the
family relations is beyond description. Family members begin hating each other,
tempers flare on the slightest pretext; suspicion, anger and hatred fill the
place of trust, love and happiness. The atmosphere of the house gradually turns
into a living hell and then comes a time when separation remains the only
remedy. Separate Family System: its
Advantages and Disadvantages The Separate Family System does not suffer from the disadvantages
mentioned above of Joint Family System, nor does it have its advantages. To remain aloof from one's own relatives is likely to kill the finest of
human instincts. This system may breed selfishness and meanness. Those who look
upon mankind as if raised on a high pedestal feel that the whole of mankind is
akin to the limbs of one body - humanity; but the Separate Family System turns
brothers into strangers, who may meet several times a day but do not care for
one another. The Wise System of Islamic Society Now, let us look at the wise system of Islam. Here we find that Islam
has laid down a straight-forward highway with such skill that a man walking on
it may enjoy the sweet smell of both these systems, and still not be beset by
the thorny problems of either. How? Islam removed the basic cause of lethargy by decreeing that everyone is
responsible for the expenses of his own dependants: he has no right to put the
burden of his children, for example, on the shoulders of other relatives. Thus,
the evil effects of the Joint Family System were avoided; at the same time,
everyone was emphatically enjoined to “keep the bond of relationship intact.”
This prevented the tendency to selfishness and aloofness from one's own flesh
and blood. Dependants In principle, the dependants (whose responsibility must be borne in any case) was limited. Al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.)[1]
said: The ways to spend (one's) wealth are twenty-four in all . . . Thus, the
five ways in which spending money is obligatory (wajib) are the expenses of the
maintenance of his dependants, of his children, his father and mother, his wife
and his slave. These are obligatory up-on him whether he be hard-up or
affluent. But if he is affluent and well-to-do, then he has been emphatically
enjoined to spend on other relatives also. The same hadith (tradition)
goes on to say: And the five strongly recommended expenses are: Dedication of perpetual
gift, doing good to one's relatives, doing good to other believers, recommended
charity and emancipation of slaves. This hadith is narrated in Wasa'il ash-Shi `ah. There
are numerous ahadith (traditions) extolling the virtues of doing good
to one's relatives, which will be mentioned in appropriate chapters. An interesting point to ponder over is that the Hindus, in spite of
their Joint Family System (or should it be said, `because of it?') never felt
such intense love towards their relatives as was seen in the Arabs in spite of
their Separate Family System, and that Islam upheld that love to a reasonable
extent. One cannot help but admire how Islam has interwoven the “family
sympathy” of the Joint Family System with the “legal orderliness” of the
Separate Family System. There is no escape from admitting that such a beautiful
as well as perfect family system was never adopted before Islam. After all, what is the use of a joint family in which two Hindus (even
if they are father and son) are not allowed by their religious customs to eat
together? And what is the harm of a separate family if the people are
encouraged to eat in one another's house and thus strengthen the bonds of love
and relationship? Seclusion of Women Islamic civilization, which is based upon the principle that women
should not mingle with men, emphasizes separate domestic arrangements. With the
influence of Hindu culture, Indian Muslims gradually adopted the Joint Family
System. As a result, that very important Islamic principle has been sacrificed and
it has, in its wake, disturbed many other important aspects of Islamic society.
The following ayah (verse) needs careful study:
And say to the
believing women that they should lower their eyes and guard their modesty; that
they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must
ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms
and not display their beauty except to their husbands, or their fathers, or
their husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons or their
brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women or
those whom their right hands possess, or those male servants who are free of
physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the hidden things of
sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to
their hidden ornaments. And O' ye believers! turn ye all together towards
Allah, that ye may attain bliss. (Qur'an, 24: 31) This list does not include the husband's brothers nor his nephews. A
Muslim woman must, therefore, keep aloof from them as well as from other
strangers. But the Joint Family System does not allow adherence to this important
rule. And once a Muslim woman shows her beauty to the brother or nephew of her
husband, she has broken out of the secure boundary of the Islamic commandment,
and once the limit is crossed, there is no saying where this “showing off” will
end, or whether it will end at all. Another ayah in the same surah clearly shows that one
should not put the burden of his domestic arrangement even on one's parents
forever, one must be self-reliant and self-supporting. The ayah is as
follows There is no blame upon
. . . yourselves that ye eat ( without asking
permission) in your own houses or the houses of your fathers, or houses of
your mothers, or the houses of your brothers, or the houses of your sisters, or
the houses of your fathers' brothers, or the houses of your fathers' sisters,
or the houses of your mothers' brothers or the houses of your mothers' sisters,
or in houses of which the keys are in your possession, or in the house of a
friend of yours . . . (Qur'an, 24:
61) The ayah clearly mentions separate `houses' for fathers,
mothers, brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts, etc. It shows that there is a
difference, in the eyes of Islam, between `your house' and the `houses of your
fathers' and `houses of your brothers', for example The harmony and unity which must be created by following this law is
self-evident. Eating in one another's houses is the surest way of creating love
and friendship. Question: There was a Separate Family System
in Answer: Islam had not come to follow the
Arabs or anybody else. It had come to lead the whole mankind including the
Arabs. There were hundreds of customs - good and bad - in If Islam had not liked the family system of the Arabs, it could easily
have changed it. But instead, the Qur'an mentions that system without any hint
of objection, thus endorsing it. We find many examples in the lives of the Holy Prophet and his Ahlu'l-bayt
(family members) which prove that they had adopted Separate Family System in
their lives. There was famine in This fact proves that the domestic arrangement of the Holy Prophet was
separate from that of Abu Talib. There is no need to remind the readers that
the relationship between Abu Talib and the Holy Prophet was more tender and
loving than is between a father and his son. This event, while confirming the Separate Family System, clearly shows
the other aspect of Islamic family code: “Keeping the bonds of relationship
strong.” During the last Ramadan of his life, Amir al-mu'minin, `Ali ibn
Abi Talib (a.s.) used to break his fast one day at the house of al-Imam
al-Hasan (a.s.), next day at the house of al-Imam al-Husayn (a. s.), the third
day at the house of `Abdullah ibn Ja'far, his son-in-law. This fact, again, shows both aspects of the Islamic code: Separate
Family arrangements and “keeping the Bonds of Relationship strong.” These two examples are sufficient to guide Muslims in their daily life.
If any Muslim ventures to deviate from this straight path, he will no longer
remain on the path of Islam. In short, Islam has brought for mankind a Family System which combines
the good features of both family systems mentioned earlier and has weeded out
the evil aspects of both. It has the legal straight-forwardness of the Separate
Family System as well as the harmony and sympathy of the Joint Family System. And it is only by following this Islamic code that mankind can obtain
peace of mind in this life and everlasting happiness in the life hereafter. Notes: [1] (a.s.) is the
abbreviation of -Arabic phrase `alayhi(or ha /himu)'s-saldm (may
peace be upon him/her/them). |
