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Mutual Rights of Husband and Wife . . . They (
wives) are your garment and you are their garment . . . (Qur'an, 2:187) While the “family” is the foundation of civilization and society, the
relationship of husband and wife and defining their mutual rights and duties is
the foundation of family-life. This is a very difficult problem; human beings
have been trying to unravel this knotty problem since the beginning of humanity
- and the result is a never-ending conflict of theories and a mass of
irreconcilable views and opinions; and this con-fusing state of affairs seems to
worsen day by day. In various places and at various times, the mutual duties of
husband and wife have been going up and down in cycles like a merry-go-round. Space does not allow us to give here any detail; but history has clear
evidence to show that whenever the sphere of activities of women was enlarged
the only result was unmitigated disaster and a decayed society. Every so-called liberty brought a reaction of horrifying suppression;
and every unchecked excess resulted in suffocating restrictions. Maintaining a
balance between extremes is the law of nature and nature does not hesitate in
severely punishing those who break its laws. Even now there is a war of ideas, a conflict of ideals, going on in this
subject between East and West - or, more correctly, between Islam and the
non-Islamic world. The real cause of the conflict is that the anti-Islam forces
are either un-willing or unable to decide what are the “Natural” spheres of
activities for man and woman, and what are the aims and objects of a married
life. If these two points are clearly defined, then there is no danger of
anyone going astray. Natural Spheres of Activities of Man
and Woman It is clear that, so far as the safety and development of the human race
is concerned, every human being has two important functions to perform: (1) Procreation, i.e., maintaining the population of human beings so
that human race is not faced with extinction; (2) To obtain the necessities of life by participating in the struggle
of economy. On the other hand, we see that the Creator has divided the humanity into
two distinct groups: Male and Female. And, it is clear that, physically and
biologically man is equipped far better to deal with the hustle and bustle of
the struggle to earn livelihood, while woman is prevented from it by her many
physical differences. On the other hand, the body of a woman is geared to
pro-creation and child-rearing. it requires no great philosophical mind to realize that the nature has
endowed each group with the ability to efficiently perform only one of the two
functions: the man, by nature, is un-able to bear and rear a child; likewise,
the woman is not meant to bear the back-breaking burden of earning her
livelihood or to plunge into the conflicts of society. Benefits of Marriage The above discussion brings us to the benefits of marriage and the
philosophy of the matrimonial bond. Marriage is one of the fundamental sociological institutions. Mankind,
since its very beginning, has kept to it without any disruption. Even the so
called `uncivilized' tribes and primitive societies treat marriage as a sacred
bond. Such an institution must be based on the foundation of the nature
it-self. Philosophy of
Marriage: Islam has
based its matrimonial laws on the correlation between masculinity and
femininity. Obviously this complementary system in man and woman - and it is
the most intricate and inter-related one, permeating their whole beings - was
not created in vain or without purpose. The male by his nature is attracted to
the female, and vice versa. And this system has only one goal in sight: Procreation. Islamic
marriage is based on this reality, and all its matrimonial rules revolve around
this axis. On this foundation are based the Islamic laws concerning chastity
and conjugal rights, exclusive attachment of the wife to her husband and the
rules of divorce and `iddah (the waiting-period after a woman has been
widowed or divorced before she can re-marry), legitimacy and parentage, custody
of children and their upbringing, inheritance and other related matters. In short, marriage is the only legal and honourable way of satisfying
sexual desire, and the husband and wife by their union ensure the survival of
mankind. Although almost all the burden in this task falls on the woman, the
initial steps can-not be taken without the participation of the man. This is the philosophy of marriage. And it also shows the first and
primary benefit of matrimony. The Holy Prophet said: Marry and procreate and increase your population . . . Second Benefit of
Marriage: The
second benefit is that the husband and the wife jointly (but with division or
responsibilities) perform the tasks which they are faced with in establishing a
family. And each finds his or her fulfilment in the other. As explained
earlier, woman is not fit to earn livelihood; man is not fit to manage domestic
affairs. Marriage binds them to make up each other's deficiencies, so that the
family may prosper. The man will spend his energies in earning a livelihood for himself and
his family. The woman will manage the domestic life with that income. Allah has
reminded us of this very point in these words And marry those among
you who are single, and the virtuous ones among your slaves, male and female:
if they be in poverty, Allah will make them rich by His Grace; for Allah is
abundantly-giving, All-knowing. ( Qur'an, 24:32) It is for this reason that al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: “The
sustenance is with women and dependants.” Domestic science is the natural
preserve of women, and by their efficient management they can make the money
stretch far. Modern non-Islamic societies have laid the foundation of matrimony on
only this cooperation between husband and wife, while in Islam it is a
secondary, not the primary, benefit. Marriage, according to present day
societies, is a co-operative venture, albeit much narrower in scope than other
such institutions, like a municipality or a club. It is for this reason that modern laws do not pay any attention to the
rules of chastity etc. This inadequate foundation - cooperation in life - has
given rise to a vast multitude of social problems and has created chaos in
domestic life, because it is not in complete harmony with realities of creation
and nature. Man is a social animal, no doubt. Everyone cooperates with everyone
else, dividing the labour and work according to one's aptitude. But this factor
requires cooperation between any two persons; it does not specifically call for
cooperation between a man and a woman. Therefore, it is a weak foundation on which to build the edifice of
matrimony. If marriage were only a co-operative institution, there would be no
need of any special rule for matrimony; the general rules governing
associations and co-operative societies would be enough. It would negate the
virtues of chastity and fidelity, nullify the concept of legitimacy and
affinity, and abrogate the rules of inheritance - as some “advanced” societies
have done. If we accept this ultimate result of the modern philosophy of
marriage, we will have to accept that all this complicated and inter-related
system in the bodies of man and woman was created without any purpose. Now to return to our original topic. The basic philosophy and secondary
benefit of marriage have already been described. It was because of those
benefits that the Holy Prophet said: “The worst of your dead is the unmarried
one.” Now, we may understand the meaning of the ayah: They (wives) are your garment and you are their garment. The garment serves three purposes: it beautifies, it covers the parts of
the body, and it protects from cold and heat. Allah says O' Children of Adam! We have bestowed upon you
garment to cover your shame, and to be an adornment to you.
And the garment of righteousness, that is the best . . .(Qur'an, 7:26) Husband and wife, by uniting together, cover the natural shortcomings of
each other, and this union protects them from hardships and difficulties which
one faces by living alone; the sun of happiness and prosperity shines on the
horizon of life; and both, by their joint efforts, discharge all the duties
laid upon them by human nature. Islamic Boundary Line Up till now we have been looking at the natural boundary line between
the responsibilities of man and woman. Now, let us see how Islam - the Natural
Religion - has safe-guarded that boundary. It was mentioned earlier that Islam wants to educate boys in such a way
that they develop into Men of Action; and to educate girls to make them into
the Rulers of the Home. Nature demands that all individuals should have equal rights. But it
does not mean that every individual should be entrusted with every
responsibility and every duty. A weak person is not expected to perform the
tasks done by a strong one. If we treat both equally, it will be harmful to
both. What is then the meaning of this equality? It means that everyone should
be given his or her right without let or hindrance, and be put in his or her
rightful place. The words of Allah point to it . . . and they
(women) have rights similar to the rights against them, according
to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them;
. . . (Qur'an,
2:228) This verse ordains equality between the rights of both groups at the
same time when it shows the differences between the both. Men and women equally share the Divine gifts of thinking and will, which
in their turn create free choice. She should, therefore, be free in her
thinking and will, and should have freedom to choose her own course of action.
In other words, she should be free to look after her life's affairs - personal
as well as social - except where there is a genuine reason to the contrary.
Islam gave her this freedom in full measure. She may act independently in all
matters in which a man is free to act. She gets her share in inheritance, she is the rightful owner of whatever
she may earn, she may deal with others in all types of dealings, like trade,
partnership and gift, she may acquire knowledge and impart it to others, she
may stake a claim, defend her rights, sue and be sued without any need of
seeking permission of her husband. These few examples will show how she was
given an independent personality, unfettered in her will or action by men or
their guardianship. She thus got, by the Grace of Allah, what the world had
denied her since the beginning of humanity, and which was unheard of before the
advent of Islam. But while sharing these basic qualities with men, she differs from them
in other ways. As a result of those differences, her body is comparatively soft
and elegant; and finer sentiments, like love, tender -heartedness and
inclination towards beauty and adornment, are more pronounced in her than in
man. On the other hand, the power of cool reasoning is more prominent in men
than in women. In short, a woman lives a sentimental life; a man in comparison
does not allow sentiments to cloud his judgment. It was for this reason that Islam differentiated between the duties and
responsibilities of both groups. The tasks demanding cool reasoning, like
rulership and judgeship have been reserved for men; also the fighting side of jihad
(holy war against the infidels) is man's preserve, although women may attend
the jihad for nursing and treating the wounded soldiers. The woman has
been entrusted with bringing up of children and looking after the domestic
management. Man has been given responsibility of her maintenance, for which he
is compensated by a double share in inheritance. Thus, Islam was the first to release woman from her bondage by giving
her freedom of will and action. All the slogans of emancipation of women,
raised in modern times, are but an echo of the clarion call of Islam.
Non-Islamic societies in this matters are just following the lead given by
Islam. But the trouble is that they are not con-tent with following; they want
to improve upon the master-piece of Islam - forgetting that the principle laid
down by Islam is a perfectly circular ring; nothing can be added to or
subtracted from it without disturbing the whole alignment. Yet, in spite of
their keen desire to emancipate woman, these societies have not succeeded in
this endeavour. Woman is still far behind in all those fields of activities
which Islam has reserved for man. The data show that the fields of rulership,
judgeship and military services (in the meaning of fighting) are still a “man's
world”. The following hadith (tradition) may give a general outline of
the above-mentioned Islamic principle, al-Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) said: Verily, Fatimah (a.s.) had taken the responsibility of the domestic
works, like … grinding the flour, baking the bread and sweeping the house; and
`Ali (a.s.) had taken the responsibility of all works outside the door of the
house, like bringing the fire-wood, and obtaining food stuff, etc.[3]
According to this hadith the boundary between the
responsibility of man and woman is the wall of the house. Woman is Supreme in
whatever happens within four walls and man is Supreme in all matters outside
those walls. Islam has liberated the woman from the turmoils and troubles of outside
world; so that she may concentrate on the burdensome duties of domestic
affairs. Now, we come to the mutual rights and duties of husband and wife. The Rights of the Husband Men are the protectors
and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they (i.e., men) support
them ( women) from their means. . . (Qur'an, 4:34) This ayah covers in a nut-shell all the principles of domestic
life. As mentioned earlier woman is, by nature, the weaker sex. As such she
should not be expected to struggle for a livelihood; instead man should provide
for both. If `home' is a kingdom, then husband is the King, and wife his Prime
Minister. This ayah points to these facts. Let us look minutely at
these phrases ` Allah has given the
one more than the other.”: This
phrase refers to the natural strength of man in comparison to woman. Man and Woman: Physical Differences It has been mentioned earlier that there are certain important
anatomical and physical differences between man and woman, which equip them for
different roles in procreation. To these major differences can be added other
secondary ones involving skeletal and muscular variations. Reference to any physiology book will show that the regulation for the
maintenance of these differences is largely a chemical one: the hormones (the
name given to the chemicals which animals and human beings produce to regulate
procreative and other functions) produce physical and functional differences.
It can also be shown scientifically that these hormones produce distinct
emotional effects and they are agents which cause emotional changes such as
those seen in women before and after child-birth. It should be mentioned here that it is the hormones which produce the
marked general difference between man and woman, described earlier, which make
the latter more suited to the task of rearing young children, and the former
better able to withstand the rigours of competitive existence. Farid Wajdi Afandi quotes an authority to the effect that the psychology
of a woman is nearer to that of a child. A child will start crying if
confronted with an unpleasant situation; and will start jumping and
merry-making when happy. Just the same is the case with woman who, in
comparison to man, is more affected by such feeling. Allah has made woman more sensitive than man because it is more in
keeping with the role for which she has been created, i.e., Motherhood. Pointing to this fact Kenneth Walker writes in The Physiology of Sex: [4] In order that she may succeed in the world to which she rightly belongs,
woman has been equipped with a greater sensitiveness to effective stimulus than
has a man. She sees life through her feelings, and emotionally reaches to many
a truth to which a man, working laboriously through the medium of his reason,
remains permanently blind. The fact that in the sphere of intellectual
abstraction she is at a disadvantage is no sign of inferiority, for it is no
exaggeration to say that a man's judgment is as often warped as it is helped by
this intellect. `A woman judge,' it has been said, `Would always deliver her sentences
in accordance with the dictates of her heart.' But, as Perhaps because of this difference in perception, and the dominance of
feeling over intellect, the Qur'an treats evidence of two women as equal to
that of one man . . . And get two
witnesses from your own men; and if there are not two men, then a man and two
women such as you choose for witness, so that if one of them errs the other can
remind her . . . (Qur'an, 2:282) Anyhow, it was because of this natural weakness of the “Fair Sex” that
man has been made responsible to provide for her necessities. Justice and mercy
demand that her back should not be broken by putting a heavy load upon her. “Because they (men) support them (woman) from their means ” makes this point clear. It is painful to see that the non-Islamic societies have compelled the
weaker sex to carry a double load of responsibilities on her shoulders,
disguising this “tyranny” as “emancipation of women” and “equality of sexes.” And what does this “emancipation” mean? Woman is still required to carry on her natural responsibilities of
child-bearing and child-rearing. Man does not, and by nature cannot, share with
her the burden of pregnancy, nursing and suckling the infant, looking after the
children and all multifarious activities connected with “motherhood.” Woman has
to bear this burden alone. But, in addition to these full-time life-consuming
responsibilities, man now tells her to help him in the struggle of earning
their livelihood! Thus, the stronger sex has “liberated” the weaker sex to share his
burden without himself sharing her burden. Poor woman, she is still overwhelmed
by the powerful slogans of “liberation” and “emancipation” without realizing
that it is no-thing but a clever device of man to overload her with his own
duties. The disaster - social, domestic and economic - wreaked by the entry of
woman in earning fields are too numerous to be listed here. A Woman's Place is at Home However, man has been made guardian of woman, because of his strong
physical and intellectual powers and because he is responsible for maintaining
her. It is for this reason that the wife is obliged to obey her husband. The Holy Prophet has said: The most honoured women before Allah are those who are obedient to their
husbands and remain within the boundaries of their homes. If the women remain within their natural boundary and, by obeying the
husband, fulfill the duties imposed upon them by the Creator, they would
discharge their responsibilities, and surely would deserve to be called, “The
most honoured women.” I know the exponents of the equality of sexes will oppose this
straight-forward principle. But in the domestic affairs as in all societies an
authoritative leader is a must. No
association or institution can function without a leader; even sports clubs need
a President and a Secretary. Is it not strange that it is only the domestic
institution, the hub of all success and prosperity, which is considered so
unimportant as not to need any authority? It has been explained above that a man has a natural ability to become
that leader, while a woman requires a man to bring out her natural abilities.
In the words of the poet Iqbal: The virtue of man shines out without any
outside help; but the
virtue of woman is dependent on an `other' (i.e., man) to bring it out. Anthropologists tell us that the first stage of womanhood was when the
“family” was not an established institution. Woman, in that period, was free
from all bonds, and was absolutely her own master. But, in that very stage, she
was absolutely without any honour and had no respect. When the “family” was established, the situation began to change. Coming
within the circle of family the woman lost her freedom and was obliged to
submit to many restrictions. But, at the same moment, she acquired a high prestige
and honour which was undreamt of before. An interesting question has been asked by an author on this very
subject. He asks that if the advance of civilization and human perfection only
means that woman attains complete freedom and is not obliged to obey her
husband, then, why is it that primitive tribes are not acknowledged as the
guardians of highest civilization in the world, as males in those tribes are
content to sit idle and it is the woman who is “free” to do all the jobs. The “emancipation” has compelled many a woman in western countries to
shun marriage. In words of a western social worker, these women abhor the
fundamental factor of the civilization, that is `matrimony '. They have
completely lost the urge and feelings which are naturally found in the women of
their age-group. Now they are neither man nor woman; they have developed into a
neutral “sex”! They are not `man' because they differ from man anatomically,
and they are not “woman” because their activities and feelings are opposite to that
of a woman. A person cannot embark in two boats at the same time. If a woman is
devoting her time in earning her livelihood, she is depriving her children of
their natural rights of “maternal love and care”. In 1971, the Sunday News (Dar-es-Salaam) carried an article
under the heading It Is Hard On The
Mother. The following paragraphs give a fair picture of this deep-rooted
problem: “Take the example of a mother working in an office. Her first worry
before she takes up her appointment is about her children. “She must make sure that she has hired a suitable nursemaid for the
children, which is often a dream because these are becoming unbearably
expensive. But someone warm-hearted and generous, with a lot of love to give in
mothering the children in her absence: that is the kind of maid servant she
wants. “A mother observes that parental love for a child is actually
irreplaceable and is vital to its development. A child has to grow with it. “But, as we have seen, who will pay for the nursemaid or the
baby-sitter? The question is difficult enough for a working married mother.” Again he writes: “But their main concern is their children. As they have to give time to
their job, they have to do the same to their children. “For example, a woman teacher is a mother of two children. Teaching
needs many hours of devotion and some extra hours of preparation at home. “A woman teacher who is also a mother has to be very careful in planning
her time. Home preparation interferes with the time allocated to chatting and
playing with her children, since she has been away for the whole day. “Some children are naughty. They have to be taken care of with tender
toughness. And yet there are teaching lessons to be prepared. She literally has
to divide herself into two persons! “The majority of mothers enjoy cooking, so they prefer doing it for
themselves even if they have cooks. After office hours, therefore, they pass by
the market to do proper grocery, and so to make a meal of their choice - to
please sweet teeth of their husbands. “But the reality of their office or factory jobs means that they are
doubling, not to mention that some women do not necessarily love cooking.” Above the article, the following words were printed in bold letters:
“Children are becoming a problem for the modern working mother in In the end the writer dutifully suggested this interesting cure: “The question we pose here is: Does a “If a man and his wife are both career people, the dictates of socialism
demand that both of them must work equally in the household. Since this is not
the case, what it means is that socialism has not reached home … where it should
have begun in the first place.” But the question is this: If the parental love is irreplaceable then how
can a nursemaid provide that love and care? If the emancipation of women and “social-ism” mean that the woman has to
do double duty (motherhood and wage-earning) and also the husband has to do
double duty (wage-earning and cooking), then is it not far better and less
back-breaking to let both of them do their own natural single duty without
interfering with the other's responsibilities? This will have the added benefit
of reducing the number of juvenile delinquents . . . because children will grow
up under kind and understanding mother's love. We may sum it up with the following words of Kenneth Walker: “Not only in her physical but also in her psychological make up
everything in a woman is sacrificed to the function of motherhood. In the same
way a man is psychologically, as well as physically, specially equipped for the
task of seeking out the woman and protecting her and his family. “(A woman's) aptitude for physical and intellectual exertion in the
primitive struggle for existence is less than that of man. Occasionally she may
possess these more masculine faculties, and by her own exertions succeed in
establishing for herself a place in the world, but this is not her natural
role. Biologically speaking, the woman who tights her own battles has moved out
of the sphere for which nature has equipped her and trespassed into another
that does not by right belong to her. The fact that she often succeeds in
making good in the new sphere into which she has wandered does not affect this
principle. Emotionally and physically she is dedicated to the career of
maternity, and it is on the man she was meant to rely not only for her own
support, but also for that of her children.” The Urdu poet, Iqbal, has pointed to this fact in these words If western education means the death of
`motherhood' then such an education, in the
eyes of thinkers, is death. This subject has been dealt with at some length in order that readers
may fully understand the wisdom and virtue of the restrictions put up on women
of Islam. Thanks to these regulations, Muslim women have been enjoying their
lives quite peacefully and naturally for the last fourteen centuries. They have
remained safe and immune from the degradations to which other women were
subjected up to the end of the last century. We are sure that by following the
rules of Islam they will remain safe from present day excesses as they saved
themselves from the shortcomings of the past. Husband: Metaphorical Lord It was mentioned in Part Two that the parents are the metaphorical Lords
of the children. There is no exception to this rule, so far as boys are
concerned. But as for girls, after marriage the parents' Lordship comes to an
end and they come under the domain of the husbands. A woman once asked the Holy Prophet: “O' Messenger of Allah, whose right
is the greatest on man?” The Holy Prophet said: “His parents.” Then she asked:
“And whose right is the greatest on woman?” He said: “Her husband.” Once some people told the Holy Prophet “We saw some people bow down
before some of their people.” The Holy Prophet said: “If I were to allow any
person to bow down before anyone I would have ordered the woman to bow down
before her husband.” Al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: Allah sent a message to the Holy Prophet, “Tell Fatimah (a.s.) not to
disobey `Ali (a.s.) because if he was ever displeased (with her) I would be
displeased because of his displeasure.” It was because of this that the Holy Prophet said to Fatimah (a.s.): O' Fatimah, if a woman worshipped Allah seventy thousand years, but died
disobeying her husband (and the husband was not pleased with her), she would be
amongst the people of Hell. Obedience Based on Love We must remember that a rule, based on tyranny or injustice, can never
be stable. Therefore, the foundation of the husband's authority has been laid
not on fear or awe, but on love. Allah says: And among His signs is
this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity
with them, and He has put love and mercy between you. Verily, in that are signs
for those who reflect. (Qur'an,
30:21) In this ayah, two words, `love' and `mercy', have been used for
the matrimonial love. It points to the subtle difference between the love of
woman and man. Woman, generally speaking, loves her husband more intensely. She
gives her soul and body to the husband. The word, “love” describes this aspect. On the other hand, husband's love to his wife is tinted with the natural
superiority - there is no “giving up his self” to the wife. Hence the word
“mercy”. Anyhow, this love and obedience are the prelude to fulfil the two
important duties mentioned earlier: Management of domestic affairs, and
procreation. Domestic Management First of all, it is essential that the wife should consider the earnings
of her husband (however little or great that may be) better than the whole
world. Then she should try to keep the expenses of the household within that
limit. The Holy Prophet said: There is no woman who is happy with the sustenance which Allah has given
to her husband and does not demand from him more than his strength, but that
Allah will give her seventy thousand clothes in For those who contravene this ethic, the Holy Prophet said: There is no woman who demands from her husband beyond his strength, and
is not con-tent with his livelihood - be it little or great - and is not
satisfied with the sustenance given her by Allah, and who will be among those
whose good deeds are not accepted, but her sins not pardoned, and with whom
Allah will remain displeased except that she repents. It is a fact that many domestic chores very much try the patience. It is
for this reason that the Law-giver of Islam has promised eternal blessings in
reward of such drudgery. The Holy Prophet said: If, while cooking her food, tears come out from the eyes of the woman
because of smoke, Allah will write for her the reward of those warriors (in the
way of Allah) whose eyes shed tears from the fear of Allah. If she has got someone to help her in domestic duties, and, thus, gets
some free time, she should not waste that time; instead, that precious time
should be spent in useful activities within the boundary of her home. “The best
activity of women is spinning; because for every thread she is forgiven one sin
and awarded one good deed.” Her attention has been drawn towards good house-keeping in the following
words: “Whosoever woman, in the house of her husband, transfers a thing from
one place to another, for a good purpose, Allah looks at her (with mercy), and
whosoever Allah looks at with mercy, would never be punished.” Procreation The progress of mankind, nay, its very existence depends upon this
important function; and almost all of its responsibilities are with the woman. When a woman is blessed with it, she is in fact discharging her duties
towards humanity. Islam has not overlooked the ever-present travail and pain incurred in
this important function. It has promised her great reward and unlimited
blessings in recompense for this difficult task. The woman has to pass through
four stages in this connection: (1) Conception; (2) Delivery; (3) Suckling; (4) Good rearing of the children. According to the Holy Prophet, she gets eternal rewards in all
these stages:- o First stage:
When a woman conceives, she (during her pregnancy) is likened to one who is
(continuously) fasting, praying, and doing jihad by one's soul and
wealth in the way of Allah. o Second stage:
When she delivers, she gets so much reward that it cannot even be imagined
because of its greatness! o Third stage:
When she feeds her infant, she gets the reward of emancipating a slave (from
the children of Prophet Isma'il, a.s.) at every suckling. o Fourth stage:
Rearing the children - It has already been described in the rights of children. The following extracts from a hadith must be read carefully:
The Holy Prophet said to her daughter Sayyidah Fatimah (a.s.): O' Fatimah, it is incumbent upon woman that she should not bring before
her husband, what he does not like; should guard herself as his trust; should
be sincere to him in his presence as well as in absence; should cut (the injury
of) her tongue (from him) ; should look after him when he needs looking after;
should fulfil his requirements and should look after his condition; because her
looking towards her husband is an act of worship; and she should not invite
anyone to his food except with his permission; and she should remain content
with the sustenance given her by Allah; and she should not leave her husband,
and if she left him, then neither her prayer, fast nor alms will be accepted
(by Allah) until her husband forgives her. . . . and they
(women) have rights similar to the rights against them, according
to what is equitable, but men have a degree (of advantage)
over them, and Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise. (Qur'an, 2:228)
This ayah
explodes the myth of so-called “slavery of Muslim woman” which is the target of
the attacks of many an ignorant western orientalists. It was essential, for the
purpose of domestic well-being, to install the man with effective authority
over women. “Men have a degree (of advantage) over them”
points to this fact. Apart from this, both sides have been accorded
well-balanced rights. Each “half” has been given all the necessary rights without
any reservation. As mentioned earlier, according to reason and according to the Islamic shari`ah,
the husband is solely responsible for the livelihood of the wife, and in view
of this responsibility he has been given an authority which in its turn is
based upon love. It appears from above that all that a woman needs for her peace of mind,
spiritual well-being, and material comfort, can be classified under two
headings: (1) Sincere love; and (2) Fair maintenance. If one looks at the long list of the demands of advocates of Liberation
of Women, one will find that all those rights which are in conformity with
reason are within the circle of these two rights. Islam has emphatically ordered husbands to let their wives enjoy their
rights without any hindrance. The Holy Prophet said: Any woman who makes her husband suffer with her tongue … will be the
first to enter Hell; and, likewise, the man if he treats her unjustly. Love and Good Grace al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: I am sure the more a man becomes good in this thing (i.e., Faith and
Islam), the more his love to (his) women increases. The ayah: “And He has put
Love and Mercy between you”
shows that matrimonial love is the Grace of Allah; and the stronger the
faith in Allah, the greater this grace of Allah upon the couple. It is for this reason, that al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq said: In the character of the prophets is the love of women. The Holy Prophet accordingly, said: Let it be known that the best of you is the one who is best for his
women. And I am the best for my women. Likewise, he said: Allah may have mercy on His servant who does good between himself and
his wife; because, verily, Allah has given him authority upon her and has made
him her protector. According to the Islamic shari `ah, it is highly emphasized
that a man should enter his home with smiling face. The home may become
paradise if this rule is followed consciously, In the section 25 it was mentioned that the “most honoured woman” is the
one who is obedient to her husband. The above-mentioned ahadith show
that the “best man” is the one who treats his wife gently and with good grace.
In other words, these ahadith fully explain the ayah. And women have rights
similar to the rights upon them. (Qur'an, 2:228) Right of Maintenance In many ayat in the Qur'an, Allah has exhorted man to treat his
wife gently. Apart from the above-mentioned ayat , another ayah
says: . . . And live
with them (women) with kindness and equity . . . (Qur'an, 4:19) “Good treatment” according to the ahadith means that the wife
should be provided, as far as possible, the same standard of living which she
had in the house of her parents; so that she does not face material discomfort
and mental depression. But if the husband, because of his limited resources, is unable to
provide that standard, he is not to be blamed. . . . On the wealthy
according to his means; and on the poor according to his means . . . (Qur'an, 2:236) Al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: The dependants of a man are his prisoners. And the most beloved servant
in presence of Allah is the one who is the best in treating his prisoners. Likewise, al-Imam Musa al-Kazim (a. s.) said: The dependants of a man are his prisoners. So, if Allah bestows someone
with His blessings, he should increase the expenses on his prisoners; and if he
did not do so, then that blessing is likely to perish. According to the shari `ah, maintenance of the wife is in
exchange for her obedience. If she does not deny the husband his conjugal
rights, she is entitled to her maintenance. If the husband, because of his
financial difficulties, defaults in its provision, he remains indebted to that
amount; and must repay soon after getting money etc. In short, the maintenance
of - the wife is based on a “give and take” basis, and man has to pay it
any-how. al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: “Cursed is the man who neglects
his dependants.” Forbearance As was mentioned earlier, women's feelings dominate their intellect. If
a girl is not brought up properly according to Islamic ethics, she is apt to
become hot-tempered and sharp-tongued. On the other hand, a man is not so dominated by emotions. Therefore,
Islam has enjoined man to have patience and forbearance in the face of woman's
temper. A man must be tolerant to his wife, keeping in view her natural
weakness and remembering that she by nature is governed by emotions. Allah says: . . . And live with them (women) on a footing of kindness and equity; and even if ye take a
dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing and Allah created in it a
great deal of good. (Qur'an, 4:19) There is no denying that it is a very tough assignment and sometimes
needs a lot of patience. Allah says in the Qur'an: And there are men who
say: “Our Lord! give us good in this world and good in the Hereafter, and
protect us from the torment of the Fire.” (Qur'an, 2: 201) Among several explanations of this ayah, Amir al-mu'minin, `Ali
(a. s.) said: Good in this world means a good-natured wife, good in the Hereafter
means `huru'l-'in', `torment of the Fire' means a `bad wife.'[5]
To say that a bad-natured, hot-tempered wife is the torment of the
Fire presents the reality in the best possible way. But we should always keep
these ahadith (traditions) in view: Verily, Ibrahim (a.s.) complained to Allah against the temper of (his
wife) Sarah. Then, Allah sent a message to him telling him that “Verily, the
likeness of woman is likeness of a rib; if you straightened it, it would break;
and if you left it as it is you will benefit from it.” In short, many ayat of the Qur'an and many ahadith exhort
the married couple to strengthen the bond of mutual love and affection as long
as they are linked together in matrimonial bond, even if it means self-denial
and extraordinary patience. And it is by following this principle that human
beings may enjoy the peace in this world and happiness in the life hereafter. Misunderstandings and Conflicts Islam is aware that philosophical theories alone do not pave the road to
a better life. It is the practical laws and codes which bring the peace in a
household. Ethical sermons can be of no benefit to common man if they are not
firmly based on common-sense and are not within his easy grasp. The ideal of Islamic marriage is one in which both parties have mutual
love and respect and each consciously honours the rights of the other. But this world is not made of only pious and understanding people. There
are many hard-hearted men and women in this world; they do not care for the
damage done to Islamic society by their misbehaviour and their flaunting the
ideals of the Islamic shari `ah. Therefore, it was necessary to frame
some rules to correct their behaviour. Why Conflicts? The main cause of the conflict is the negligence of one's duties towards
the other. This negligence can be either from the husband's side, or from the
wife's side, or from both sides. Islam has laid down clear rules for each of these situations. When the Wife is at fault If the wife neglects her duties and gives trouble to the husband, then,
three cures have been prescribed step by step. Allah says in the Qur'an . . . And as to
those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish
them, and (then) refuse to share their beds, and (lastly) beat
them. Then, if they return to obedience seek not against them means (of
annoyance); for Allah is Most High Great. (Qur'an, 4:34) First Step: First the husband should admonish
the wife and advise her to change her behaviour. In the beginning, advice and
mutual discussion may bear good fruits, while tough measure may create an
undesirable reaction. Second Step: If this fails, then it means that
the malady has taken a deeper root. Therefore, the husband should leave her in
her bed. This silent protest may bring the wife to her senses; and the cause of
conflict may be removed. Third Step: But, if her arrogance has reached
the furthest limit, and she is oblivious of admonition and that subtle protest,
then the `soft' treatment will not be of any use. In this extremity, the
husband is allowed to beat her. If good-manners fail to awake her gentle feelings,
the alternative is `tough' dealing. But that `tough' dealing also must be tempered with tenderness. al-Imam
Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) said: “Verily, it is a stroke with a tooth stick.” The
shar`ah says that the blow should not be such as to break a bone or to
leave red marks or bruises, nor is he allowed to hit her on her face, nor in
another place several times. If these cures remove the cause of complaint, the husband should at once
start gentle and fair dealing with her. The last sentence of the above
mentioned ayah points to this aspect: “Then, if they
return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance).” When the Husband is at fault If, on the other hand, the husband is at fault and neglects his duties
towards his wife, then she, at first, should try to bring a reconcilement with
him. And if a wife fears
cruelty or negligence on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they
arrange an amicable reconcilement between themselves; and the reconcilement is
best . . . (Qur'an, 4:128) If this method fails, then she has a right to put the matter before
Hakim ash-Shar`i (the Qadi or mujtahid) who has every
authority to settle the dispute according to his discretion. When both are at fault If both neglect their duties towards each other, then there is a need of
some helping hands to end the conflict. Therefore, Allah has ordained: And if ye fear a
breach between the two, then appoint two arbiters, one from his family and the
other from hers; if they wish for reconcilement and peace, Allah will cause
their reconciliation , for Allah is Omniscient All-knowing. (Qur'an, 4:35) This arbitration may be resorted to even in the first two situations
when only one party is at fault. Separation Some discords become very complicated and defy all solutions, and
family-life becomes extremely intolerable. In such cases, only two alternatives
remain: 1. to leave the couple in the same condition, which in the words of the
Qur'an is: “The torment of the Fire;” 2. to release them from the bond of marriage, so that each can find
another suitable life-partner. Common sense prefers the second alternative; and Islam has adopted the
same. Christianity prefers the first alternative, i. e., to compel the couple
to remain as man and wife even if they intensely hate each other. It is based
upon the following alleged words of Christ: It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a
writing of divorcement. But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his
wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and
whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery: (Mathew, 5:31
-32). Let human nature decide whether it is only the fornication which
pollutes the matrimonial atmosphere ? Does not hot temper or flaunting each
other's rights create equally intense discord? Is not negligence in
maintenance, disloyalty, desertion, or disobedience enough to turn the home
into a Hell? It is necessary here to emphasize in so many words the wisdom of divorce
in many cases, as allowed by Islam. Suffice it to say that now even the
followers of those religions which do not allow divorce are resorting to parliaments
to establish “divorce” in their countries' legal systems, some-times in face of
fierce opposition from their churches and religions. The Hindu religion does not recognize divorce; Hindus a few years ago
made divorce a part of their legal system through the “Hindu Code Bill”. The Anglican church is opposed to divorce; Anglicans through an Act of
Parliament (of which all the Bishops are members) have allowed them selves to
be divorced by the courts. And here is an interesting side-light. The sovereign
is the Head of the Anglican church; and as such is supposed to uphold the
theory of illegality of divorce. And the same sovereign, in his/her capacity of Head of State, signs the
Acts of Parliament legalizing divorce. Why could not King Edward VIII marry a divorcee, while at the same time
hundreds of thousands of his subjects were getting divorce under his own
authority? Does it mean that Christians have two sets of rules: one for great
people, another for the common folk? The Roman Catholic church also is fanatically opposed to divorce. But
compelled by the hard facts of life they have found a method to dissolve the
marriage, without calling it “divorce”. If some-one has the patience of `Job'
(Ayyub) and the money of Qarun, he can obtain, after several years' pleading, a
decree from the Ingenious, is not it? The only difficulty is that it can be obtained by
wealthy tycoons only. “In recent years, Pope Paul VI has streamlined the
cumbersome process . . . that could drag a case out for as long as twenty
years. But despite the And if the marriage was not a marriage from the beginning, what is the
status of the children of that marriage? Are they also illegitimate? As soon as the act became law thousands of people applied for divorce,
most of whom had been separated from their spouses for twenty or even thirty
years. So much suffering can be caused to humanity by such doctrines. And not
only suffering but also encouragement for frustrated people to indulge in sins.
Can a couple, separated for twenty or thirty years, remain chaste? Surely, they
will find partners to satisfy their natural urges - unlawfully, of course. Talaq, Khul`, Mubarat As separation is the result of irreconcilable discord, it may be of the
same three types which were mentioned in section 34. 1. Talaq: This is usually translated as 'divorce'. When the
husband is fed up with the misbehaviour of the wife and wants to dissolve the
marriage, it is called “talaq ” in Islamic terminology. O' Prophet, when ye do
divorce women, divorce them at their prescribed periods and count (accurately). . . (Qur'an, 65:1) 2. Khul`: If the wife is suffering from the ill-treatment of
the husband and wants to get free from him by offering some indemnity, it is
called “khul”'; . . . If ye do indeed
fear that they would be unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah, then there
is no blame on either of them if she gives something for her freedom . . . (Qur'an, 2;229) 3. Mubarat : If both are tired of each
other, and want to dissolve the marriage, it is called “Mubarat”: And if they disagree (and must part) Allah will provide
abundance for all from His All-reaching bounty . . . (Qur'an, 4:130) Thus all three ways of dissolving the marriage are allowed in Islam. But in all these cases, marriage can be dissolved by the husband's
consent only. He has the authority to perform talaq, khul` or mubarat. Again, advocates of the “equality of sexes” will frown on this
provision. Therefore, it is better to mention that in Western countries where
the woman has been given the right to divorce her husband, 80% of the applications
of divorce are lodged by wives. And, many is the husband who only comes to know
that his wife had divorced him when she is already married to another man. As has been mentioned earlier, the outlook of woman is dominated by
emotion; and if they are given the right to dissolve the marriage, they are
more likely to think of divorce on the slightest of pretexts. The Qur'an reproves the `People of Book' that they believe in certain
parts of the Book and reject other parts. It is their tendency from the very
beginning. Faced with the difficulties created by Christian doctrine, they
turned towards Islam to borrow a leaf from its shari `ah, and adopted
the principle of divorce. But the deep-rooted prejudice against Islam prevented
them from adopting it with all its necessary details. Divorce was adopted, but
details were ignored. Result? In This abundance of divorce in Christian societies may also be a reaction
to the unreasonable restraint of Christian churches. Conditions of Divorce Islam allowed in principle dissolution of marriage in all three
situations of discord; and thus satisfied human nature. But, at the same time,
it has imposed so many conditions that divorce be-comes hard to perform. For
example, the husband must be adult and sane, should give divorce by his own
free will and intention; it must be done in approved formula, before two men of
approved probity; the wife must be free from menses etc., and the couple should
not have cohabited after her last menses. After divorce, a period of three months ” `iddah ” was
prescribed; may be the parties feel remorse on separation and are ready to
restore the marriage ties again. If so, then the divorce may be revoked and the
marriage continues. Another benefit of this rule is to make sure that the woman is not
pregnant from her previous husband. Divorce: The most disliked permission Together with these conditions, it has been emphasized that the divorce
is very much disliked by Allah and His Prophet. The Holy Prophet said: The worst of all permitted things is divorce. The Holy Prophet also said: Gabriel advised me about (gentle dealings with) the women, so much so
that I thought that she should not be divorced except be-cause of open
unchastity. Here the Holy Prophet is saying the same thing which is attributed to
Christ in Mathew. But see the difference in language and then compare the
results of these two sayings. Injil put un-necessary burden on human
nature, and as a result, its followers flouted its ruling and indulged in
unbridled lawlessness. Islam allowed divorce, but showed its displeasure with
it, relying on human feelings to keep its use to the minimum. The result is
that in Islamic society divorce is a rare thing; and a Muslim's domestic life
is so secured that non-Muslims cannot imagine it. Notes: |
