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One of the inevitable tasks of every family is to
entertain guests at one time or another. This is an enjoyable tradition
as a result of which friendships become closer and people can forget their
problems temporarily. Keeping company with friends and relatives is one
of the healthiest pastimes.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The sustenance
of a guest is descended from the heavens. and upon eating it, the sins
of the host are forgiven'."[119]
"Imam Reza (AS) stated: ' A generous person eats the
food offered to him by others so that they eat his. But a miser would not
eat the offered food by others lest they eat his'." [120]
"The Prophet (AS) of Allah stated: 'Associating with
friends causes kindness (amongst them)'". [121]
"Imam Muhammad Taqi (AS) stated: ' Associating with
friends matures one's mind and enlivens one's heart, be it even only slightly'."[122]
In the turbulent sea of life, one's soul needs tranquility, and this peace of mind can be found when keeping company with one's friends.
People would forget their problems while present in
a friendly gathering. Not only can friendships become stronger, but it
would serve to boost one's morale.
Entertaining guests is a good custom and rarely one
would deny its merits, but there are two difficulties with it that make
some families reluctant to take part in this age-old tradition.
First: Luxury goods and vying with one another has
made life difficult for many of us. Household goods which are meant to
serve our comfort have turned into a means of showing off and ostentation.
Thus people are tending to associate less frequently with each other. Although
many who are willing to socialize, refuse to do so, because they have the
wrong idea that they do not possess many luxurious items in their homes
that it would be better to keep away from others and save themselves the
embarrassment. This reflection destroys one's situation in the life after
death as well as placing him in a difficult situation in this world.
Dear madam! do your friends come to your house in
order to watch your luxury goods? If so, advise them to go to the stores
and museums instead of coming to visit you. Associating with others is
meant to increase one's friendship with them as well as having a pleasant
time. It is not meant for showing off or filling one's stomach. Everyone
is annoyed with 'luxurism' and rivalry of this kind. But they dare not
dispose of this mistaken tradition.
If you were prepared to entertain your guests in a
simple manner, you would see that they would follow you. This way you can
associate with your friends simply and without going to too much trouble.
Thus, the solution to this problem is easy .Instead of trying to match
your belongings to those of others', you should concentrate on strengthening
the bonds of friendship with them through kindness.
Second: Another difficulty is about the hosting of
one's guests. A housewife goes through the trouble of making food for a
few guests over a period of a few hours. Sometimes a woman cannot prepare
a delicious meal, after which the husband may become upset. Her husband
may also show his displeasure towards her cooking. Therefore, some parties
are accompanied with the anxiety of the host couple as a result of which
people tend to avoid having a party.
Of course it is true that holding a party is not easy,
but the main difficulty arises when the housewife does not have sufficient
knowledge about how to look after her guests.
Hosting one's guests becomes easy if one is prepared
to learn the necessary skills. Here two case studies are presented. You
may follow whichever you prefer while entertaining your guests:
Case(a): The man informs his wife that on Friday night,
ten of his friends are coming for dinner His wife who has had bitter experience
with previous parties, suddenly becomes enraged and protests to her husband.
After a detailed discussion and the husband's pleading, the reluctant wife
agrees to arrange the dinner for his guests. They spend their days and
nights in a certain air of restlessness, and excitement until Friday.
On Friday morning one of them goes for shopping. He
remembers the necessary items to buy and after purchasing a few items,
returns home.
The housewife starts her job after lunch. She suddenly
confronts many problems. She has to do the cooking, washing, sweeping,
dusting, arranging the guestroom, and so on. Also, she has to do all this
and more on her own or at the most with only one person helping her. She
begins to work with a great deal of worry. She looks for the knife to cut
the onions, searches the house for salt, etc. She realizes that there is
not any tomato in the house, so she sends somebody to buy it. She must
then fry the chickens, cut the meat, soak the rice in water, clean the
vegetables,... etc.
She becomes touchy and nervous, and then shouts at
the servant, curses her daughter, hits her son and then runs out of gas
or kerosene. "Oh God! what shall I do?", she screams.
All of a sudden the door bell rings. The guests have
arrived! They come in one after another. The poor husband who is aware
of wife's anxiety, welcomes the guests into the house and leads them to
the sitting room. He then intends to serve them with tea, but he finds
out that tea is not ready. He shouts at his daughter or son for not putting
the kettle on the samovar. Once the tea is made, he finds out that they
do not have enough sugar. After having to buy some more sugar, he takes
a few cups of tea to the guests. He looks at them but his mind is in the
kitchen. He knows what is going on in that quarter. He cannot sit comfortably
or talk to the guests peacefully. He is worried about the dinner. It is
even worse if there are women among the guests in which case they keep
asking where the woman of the house is. The man must answer that his wife
is busy cooking and she will be with them soon.
The wife, occasionally goes to the guests but cannot
stay and sit with them. She, while apologizing to them once again returns
to her kitchen. It is not possible for her to prepare a really delicious
meal under these conditions.
Once the meal is ready, she has to look for the dishes,
make a drink, get the glasses, fill the salt and pepper shakers, etc.
The guests after eating their meal finally say 'good-bye'
to their hosts and leave.
Conclusion: The meal was either too salty or salt
less, burnt or less- cooked. Also some of the items may have been forgotten
by the hostess, and therefore not placed before her guests.
It is now midnight and the wife is exhausted. She
has not had a moment of rest since noon. Also she was unable to attend
to the guests properly.
The husband has gone through a great deal of worry.
He has spent a lot of money for the party, but the evening was not enjoyable
and he may even blame his wife.
The couple, not only have not enjoyed the party, but
may also have an argument over it, and may even decide not to hold any
more parties.
The guests did not enjoy the party either, because
they felt that they had caused a lot of trouble for their hosts and they
probably wished that they had not come at all.
Undoubtedly, the readers would not enjoy such a situation
and would not be prepared or willing to have this kind of experience.
Do you know what the source of this problem is? Well,
the only real cause is the lack of experience and know-how of the housewife
about how to entertain her guests. Otherwise, holding a party is not such
a difficult task.
Now the second option:
Case (b): The man informs his wife that ten of their
friends will be coming for dinner on Friday night. The wife responds by
saying "Very well, what should we prepare for dinner that night?" The couple
decides on this matter together and then writes down all the necessary
items needed for the party. They recheck their needs again and by crossing
out those items that they already have in their house, re-write the items
that they would have to purchase. Then in good time they do their shopping.
On Thursday, a day before the party, they finish some
of the work such as cutting onions, washing the potatoes, filling the salt
and pepper shakers, preparing the table wares and so on.
The following morning, the woman of the house after
eating breakfast, carries out some of her tasks like washing, cutting and
frying the meat, chicken, and potatoes. After lunch she can take a rest
after which she can finish the remainder of her work.
So she can finish all her cooking, tidying up and
arranging the house without any rush or worries. There would be no need
for arguments or any cause for confusion. She would have enough time to
get herself ready and prepare a cup of tea when their guests arrive. She
can then welcome the guests alongside her husband and sit and talk to them.
She would just need to go to the kitchen to make sure everything was going
smoothly.
She can ask her husband and the children to help her
in setting the food in front of the guests. Therefore, everyone would be
able to comfortably enjoy their delicious meal.
Conclusion: The guests have enjoyed the company of
their hosts. They have talked and their friendship had become stronger.
They have enjoyed the meal and have admired the housewife for her ability
to entertain them. Finally, they have enjoyed an evening which they would
remember for a long time to come.
The husband has been able to associate with the guests.
He has had a good time with his friends and is happy with his wife for
not letting him down. They become encouraged to invite their friends over
and over again.
Finally, the woman who, through patience and know-
how, has been able to entertain the guests normally and without any problem,
is satisfied with herself. She feels happy with her husband and has proved
herself to be a good hostess.
Now you can choose to follow either of the two examples.
REFERENCES
[119] Wasa'il al-Shi'ah, vol 16, p 557.
[120] Ibid, p 520.
[121] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 74, p 355.
[122]
Ibid, p 353.