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A woman is proud of herself just the same as a man
would be. She likes to be respected by others. She would get hurt if she
were to be insulted or belittled. She feels good when respected and would
hate those who try to degrade her .
Dear Sir! your wife surely expects you to respect
her more than others. She has every right to expect her life partner and
best friend to care for her.
She works for you and your children's comfort and
thus expects you to value her efforts and to respect her. Honouring her
would not belittle you but it would indeed go to prove your love and affection
towards her. Therefore, respect her more than others and talk to her politely.
Do not interrupt her or shout at her. Call her by respectful and virtuous
names. Show your respect when she wants to sit down. When you enter the
house, if she forgets to say 'Salam' (greetings), then you should say
'Salam' to her.
Say 'Good-bye' when leaving your house. Do not lose
contact with her when travelling or away from home. Write to her.
Show your respect for her when in gatherings. Seriously
avoid all insults and humiliation. Do not abuse or even jokingly tease
her. Do not think that because you are close to her she would not mind
you making fun of her. On the contrary she will dislike such an attitude
but may not express it.
"A dignified woman, around 35 years of age, says about
her divorce request: 'It is twelve years that I have been married. My husband
is a good man and there are many characteristics of a good and amiable
person in him. But he has never wanted to realize that I am his wife and
the mother of both his children. He thinks he is a fitting person for get
togethers, but he performs his show by teasing and humiliating me. You
cannot believe how much I have been hurt. My nerves have been affected
so much that I have to go to a psychiatrist for treatment. I have talked
to my husband about it many times. I have begged him not to treat me in
this way. I have reminded him of my position as 'his wife' and my age and
that it is not proper for him to joke with me in front of others so that
they have a laugh or a good time. I feel embarrassed in front of everybody
and because I have not ever been a witty person, I cannot compete with
him. Since my demands are not being met by my husband, I prefer to separate
from him. I know I will not be happy on my own, but I cannot live with
a man who constantly degrades me'."[153]
All women expect their husbands to respect them and
all of them hate insults If some women keep silent before their husbands'
humiliations, it is not the proof of their satisfaction.
If you respect your wife, she will do the same to
you and thus your relationship will grow stronger. You would also earn
more respect from others. If you maltreat her and she retaliates, it is
again your fault and not hers.
Dear Sir! marrying is not equal to getting a slave.
You cannot treat a free person as a slave. Your wife has married you in
order to live with you and to share her life with a man whom she loves.
She expects the same things from you as you do from her. Therefore treat
her in a manner in which you would like to be treated.
"Imam Sadiq (AS), quoting his father, stated: 'Whoever
marries, must respect his wife'."[154]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'Whoever respects
a Muslim, Allah would pay him his own respect'."[155]
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'None would
respect women except the magnanimous ones, and none would insult them except
the ignoble ones.' In addition, the Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'Whoever
insults his family, would lose happiness in his life'."[156]
REFERENCES
[153] Ibid, 8th Esfand, 1350 Solar Hijri.
[154] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 224.
[155] Ibid, vol 74, p 303.
[156]
Mawa iz al-Adadiyyah, p 151.