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Woman is an emotional being whose emotions are dominant
over her logic. She is more naive and sensitive than a man. She can be
deceived more easily and has less control over her emotional desires. She
cannot decide wisely once she is upset. She can be amused or made upset
with little effort. Thus if the man has supervision over the behaviour
and actions of his wife, most of the possible risks would be averted.
This is why the holy religion of Islam appoints men
to act as guardians of their families and makes them responsible for their
family affairs.
Allah states in the Holy Quran: "Men are the maintainers
of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because
they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient,
guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded." (4:34)
Therefore a man, who is regarded as the protector
of his family, should not practise carelessness with regard to his wife's
deeds, He must always supervise her affairs and monitor her actions, He
must see to it that she does not deviate or associate with the wrong kind
of people. He must logically explain to her the harms of keeping bad company.
He must not allow her to leave the house with indecent clothing or which
arouse sexual feelings, He must not permit her to participate in corrupt
activities or to attend unworthy gatherings,
It is a fact that if a woman is left alone in her
deeds and associations, she would possibly fall into the traps of evil-
minded people who live in a corrupt life.
Men are recommended to take a look at the number of
women who, as a result of their husbands' negligence, have fallen prey
to corruption, There are many women who have been deceived at night parties.
Many families have broken down and many children have lost their families
as a result of such get-togethers.
A man who allows his wife to leave the house with
indecent clothes, permits her to befriend all kinds of people, and does
not stop her from attending corrupt gatherings, is in fact committing the
greatest perfidious act to himself, his wife, and children.
This attitude would lead his wife towards hundreds
of danger zones from which she cannot easily escape. Petrol is inflammable
and fire can burn it, thus it is foolish to think that leaving petrol next
to fire would not set it ablaze.
How ignorant and simple minded are those men who allow
their wives or daughters, by being indecently dressed, to expose themselves
in the streets, while at the same time disliking the attention or notice
given to them by the youth.
Wrong freedoms of this kind have grave consequences.
If a woman is successful in taming her husband with regard to her unlawful
desires, she would then increase the extension of her wishes up to a level
where she would act independently of her husband altogether. This will
result in mischievous events in the family.
"That is why the Prophet (SA) of Islam stated: 'A
man is the guardian of his family and any guardian is responsible to his
subordinates to take care of their needs '."[189]
"The Prophet (SA) also stated: 'Order women to do
good deeds before they make you commit wrong ones'."[190]
"In addition the Prophet (SA) stated: 'Whoever obeys
his wife, Allah would cast him into the fire on his face'."
"The Prophet (SA) was asked: 'What sort of obedience
is meant here'? The Prophet (SA) of Allah replied: 'It is when the husband
permits a woman who asks her husband to allow her to go to the public bath,
weddings, celebrations, and condolence gatherings while wearing delicate
and thin clothes'."[191]
"Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'The bliss of a man is that
he becomes supervisor and guardian of his family'."'[192]
"The Prophet (SA) of Islam stated: ' Any man who permits
his wife, who has adorned herself, to leave the house, is a mean-spirited
person, and whoever calls him as such, would not have committed any sin.
And any woman whose husband permits her to leave the house adorned and
perfumed, with each step that she takes, Allah would build a house for
her husband in hell'. [193]
Finally, I remind you of two points:
(a) It is correct that a man should be watchful of
his wife but this should be done carefully and wisely. He must not resort
to anger or violence. He must not make his wife feel that she is being
ordered about or else she would react unpleasantly.
The best way is, for the man, to be kind and understanding.
He must act like a sympathetic partner and explain to his wife about the
harms of wrong deeds. She must be made to choose the right path herself
with enthusiasm and eagerness.
(b) A man should be moderate, that is, he should neither
be too strict and fussy, nor should be care-free.
A woman, like a man, needs freedom and should be at
liberty in her rightful associations. She must be free to communicate with
her parents, brothers, and sisters and must be allowed to keep the appropriate
type of company.
In brief, there are exceptional cases where a woman
should be deprived of her desires. But even in such cases one should not
step beyond the limits and become too strict. Too much strictness is harmful.
It destroys a friendly atmosphere and causes annoyance. A woman might react
severely as a result of her husband's strictness. She might even ask for
a divorce.
"A young woman, Mrs... said to the reporter in the
court: 'I got married with Mr ...five years ago. We have a son and a daughter
now. At times my husband has been treating everybody in a cynical manner.
He does not allow me to associate with anybody. He even locks the doors
for us when he leaves the house. We are prisoners in his house. I can't
even go to my parents any more. My family-members do not come to us either,
because of him. I do not know what to do! On the one hand I cannot live
with him, and on the other, I am worried about my children's future. So,
I decided to take my case to this court; perhaps they can pass some judgment'."[194]
Men such as this woman's husband are, unfortunately,
so strict and abnormal that their wives, despite their wish to live together,
apply for divorce. Their wives become so annoyed with them that, despite
having children, they are prepared to separate from them.
Why should a man forbid his wife from associating
with her near-relatives? Does he not know that too much strictness prepares
the grounds for some women to deviate from modesty? Has he not heard of
or seen any shattered families as a result of such behaviour?
Even if one's wife copes with one's strictness, there would be a lack of warm family atmosphere in the house. How can one expect an imprisoned housewife to be kind to her husband and children or to eagerly pursue the housework?
REFERENCES
[189] Mustadrak, vol 2, p 550
[190] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 227.
[191] Ibid, p 228.
[192] Wasa.il al-Shi'ah, vol 15, p 251.
[193] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 249.
[194]
Ittela'at, 14th Farvardin, 1351 Solar Hijri.