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Although divorce is a lawful act, it is the most detested
and worst of all deeds.
"Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'Get married but do not divorce,
because a divorce would tremble the Arsh (empyrean) of Allah'."[259]
"Imam Sadiq (AS) also stated: 'Allah likes the house
which is inhabited in the wake of marriage and dislikes the house which
is abandoned in the wake of divorce. There is nothing more detestable to
Allah than a divorce." [260]
Marriage is not like buying a pair of shoes and socks
that whenever not liked one disposes the shoes and buys another pair of
shoes. Marriage is a spiritual covenant that two people make in order to
stay together like friends, sympathizers and lovers till their death. It
is based on these great hopes that a young girl leaves her parents and
joins her husband.
A man makes efforts and works hard on the basis of
such a divine covenant. He pays for his wedding and buys the necessary
goods for his new life and works for his family comfort.
Marriage is not a lustful affair and a couple cannot
destroy it for trivial excuses. Although divorce is lawful, it is seriously
detested and people are recommended to avoid it as much as possible.
Unfortunately, this very detestable act has become
so common in Islamic countries and the foundations of family units have
become so shaky that there is generally little faith in marriage any more.
Divorce is permitted but only in very exceptional
and compelling circumstances.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: Jibrail(Gabriel)
advised me about women so much that I thought one should not divorce them
except if they commit adultery'."[261]
Most cases of divorce are not based upon good reasons,
but are on immature excuses. That is. the reasons for most cases of divorce
are trivial and are not worth effecting the separation of a couple. The
husband or wife, because of selfishness, may exaggerate a trivial problem
and decide that their married life must be ended.
"Mrs..., twenty-four years old, asked her husband
to invite her parents to an expensive dinner. Since he did not accept her
demand, she applied for a divorce'."[262]
"A man divorced his wife on the grounds that she was
only giving birth to girls. The couple had five daughters."[263]
"A woman applied for a divorce, because her husband
believes in mysticism and did not show much interest in life."[264]
"A man applied for a divorce because he wanted to
get married to a wealthy woman." [265]
"A woman applied for a divorce because her husband
used to hide his money in his sleeves." [266]
"A man has divorced his wife because he claims that
she is a bad-omen. Since their marriage his father had died and his uncle
had become bankrupt."[267]
A couple who is not wise and prudent, might fall into
the traps of such petty matters and apply for a divorce.
A couple, who seeks separations, must not rush for
it. They are recommended to consider carefully about the after-effects
and their future in detail and then decide. They must specifically ponder
over two points:
First Point: A couple, who seeks divorce, generally
would like to re-marry. But they should remember that after the divorce,
the persons known as divorcees would not have a good record with regard
to marriage. People think of them as selfish and unfaithful.
Upon finding out a man's previous marriage and divorce,
a woman might doubt his faithfulness or his character .
A divorced woman rarely gets a chance to re-marry.
Because men generally do not show much interest in marrying a divorced
woman and doubt about her faithfulness. Therefore a divorcee would possibly
have to stay alone for the rest of his or her life and may have to suffer
from loneliness too.
Being lonely is a very difficult situation, and some
lonely people prefer death rather than such an unbearable life.
"A twenty-two year old woman who was divorced, attempted
to commit suicide on the night of her sister's wedding. She had one child."[268]
Even if a man is successful in re-marrying, it is
not at all obvious that his new life would be any better than his first
wife. She may even be worse. Such men usually prefer to divorce their second
wife and re-marry the initial one. But usually it is too late for such
a move.
"An eighty-year old man said in the court: 'I had
a good life when I married my first wife about sixty years ago. But after
a while she started mistreating, so I divorced her. I married a few women
after that, but felt that my first wife was the most faithful among them.
I found her and asked her to re-marry me. She, who was also tired of loneliness,
agreed, and we now want to marry again'."[269]
"A man divorced his second wife because she could
not take care of the two children that he had from his first marriage.
He than remarried his first wife whom he had divorced five years
ago." [270]
Second Point: A couple, which seeks separation. Must
also think of their children. Children's comfort lies in a family where
their both the parents live together and take care of them jointly.
Upon the breaking down of the family life. Children
become extremely upset. If only their father looks after them. they would
be deprived of motherly love. They would not enjoy life with step-mother
either. Step-mothers, not only are unable to act as their genuine mothers.
but may regard their step-children as a burden. Some step-mothers maltreat
their step-children and make them upset deliberately and their fathers
may have to remain silent.
"A fourteen-year old bride who had attempted to commit
suicide said in the hospital. 'My parents separated when I was one-year
old. My father remarried after one and half years and we are now living
together. My step-mother used to beat me up and even burnt me with a hot
metal rod on a few occasions. My father, even though a well-off man, prevented
me from studying and deprived me from learning. About a month ago my father
forced me to marry a forty-five year old man'." [271]
"A thirteen-year old girl hung herself. This girl
lived with her two brothers. One of the brothers said: 'My parents separated
about three years ago. My mother re-married another man, and my father
died two months ago. It was 6:30 pm yesterday that I came home and found
my sister who had hung herself ."[272]
Also, if the mother assumes the responsibility of
her children, then they would be deprived of having a real father who would
care for them. A step-father is often the cause of much unhappiness to
his step-children.
"A woman helped her second husband to tie his eight-
year old step-son to a bed. They then closed the door and went out for
a walk. When they returned home, they found their child had been burnt
to death as a result of the fire in the house."[273]
Divorce destroys a family unit and leaves the children
wandering and shelter less. Children often suffer as the result of their
parent's selfishness.
"Four children aged twelve, nine, six and four years
went to a police station. The eldest son said: 'Our parents separated from
each other a while ago. They had constant arguments and used to have a
row everyday and night. Now that they are divorced, neither are prepared
to take the responsibility of caring for us'."[274]
Children, who are deprived of having a suitable guardian
and a family atmosphere, often go astray. The lack of proper education
and a sympathetic person in their lives, makes them suffer from complexes
of interiority. They may even commit crimes of various degrees, during
their childhood or adulthood.
One can realize this fact by just reading the events
in the daily newspapers.
"In a research made at the Center for Youth Rehabilitation,
it is evident that out of one hundred and sixteen criminal youths of this
center, eighty people asserted that their step-mothers' treatment with
them was the cause of their crimes."[275]
Dear madam/sir! for the sake of Allah and for the
sake of your innocent children, be forgiving towards each other. Do not
exaggerate trivial problems and do not persist in your arguments. Do not
pick up faults with each other. Think of your future as well as that of
your children.
Remember! Your children rely on you and look up to
you for their happiness. Have mercy upon them and do not destroy their
lives.
If you ignore their internal desires and if you break their little hearts, you would not be able to escape the effects of their unhappiness. You would, therefore, be unable to have a comfortable life together.
REFERENCES
[259] Makarim al-Akhlaq, p 225.
[260] Wasa'il al-Shi'ah, vol 15, p 267.
[261] Makarim al-Akhlaq, p 248.
[262] Ittela'at, 12th Esfand, 1350 Solar Hijri.
[263]Ibid, 16th Esfand, 1350 Solar Hijri.
[264]Ibid.
[265]Ibid, 8th Esfand, 1350 Solar Hijri.
[266]Ibid, 16th Esfand, 1350 Solar Hijri.
[267]Ibid, 25th Dey, 1350 Solar Hijri.
[268]Ibid, 17th Esfand, 1348. Solar Hijri.
[269]Ibid, 21st Bahman, 1348 Solar Hijri.
[270]Ibid, 8th Dey, 1348, Solar Hijri.
[271] Kayhan, 29th Aban, 1348 Solar Hijri.
[272] Ittela'at, 4th Bahman, 1351 Solar Hijri.
[273]Ibid, 18th Bahman, 1348 Solar Hijri.
[274]Ibid, 7th Khurdad, 1349 Solar Hijri.
[275]Ibid,
22nd Esfand, 1350 Solar Hijri.