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Section 6
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Fault-Finding
Ignorance of One’s Own Faults
One of the greatest behavioral weaknesses of man is the ignorance of his own
faults. In many instances the soul ignores an unwanted quality which results in
the subconscious adopting of such a trait as a basis of misery. When a person
becomes the slave of his ignorance, he kills the spirit of morality in himself.
Thus becoming the victim of his inclinations and various lusts, which isolate
him from happiness and comfort. Under such conditions, neither guidance nor
constructive advice can be productive.
The first requirement for the salvation of oneself is to realize your
shortcomings. The only way man can eradicate ill manners and rescue himself
from the dangers of his personality that may lead him to misery, is if he
recognizes these manners.
A
careful study of the characteristics of the human psyche, so as to educate
mankind, is a vital step toward leading to both spiritual and behavioral
integrity. Reflecting on oneself allows the individual to realize his
shortcomings and positive points, eradicate the unwanted traits, and purify the
mirror of his soul from the filth of sins by conducting a basic purification of
his manners.
We commit an unforgivable mistake when we carelessly ignore the real reflection
of ourselves in the mirror of our actions. It is our responsibility to discover
our own characteristics in order to pinpoint the unwanted traits which
unwillingly have grown in us. Undoubtedly we will be able to eradicate the
roots of such traits, even prevent them from appearing in our lives by
constantly struggling against them. At any rate, achieving noble traits
requires forbearance with long lasting hardships. It is not an easy matter to
execute.
In order
for us to eradicate the roots of dangerous and harmful habits, we not only have
to recognize them but also must possess a strong will to do so. The more
organization we can apply to our actions, the straighter and more productive
our thoughts become. The advantages of every step in this process become
manifest to us as we move on to the next stage.
Dr. Carl
has written: ‘The most effective method to transform our daily program into an
acceptable one is to examine it with scrutiny every morning and review the
results every evening Thus, in the same manner that we anticipate to finish a
certain job at a specific time, we should include in our schedule certain steps
so others may benefit from our activities. We should be fair and just in Our
conduct.
“Behavioral lowliness is just as repulsive as bodily dirt. Thus, it is just as
important to cleanse our bodies form dirt as it is to purify our manners of
filth. Some people exercise before and/or after sleeping; reflecting on our
manners and thoughts is just as important as these exercises. By studying the
way we should act and struggling to observe the borders of our designated
limits, we can see our realities without any barrier.
Our
success in decision making is directly related to our inner-selves. It is
incumbent upon every one whether young or old, rich or poor, learned or
ignorant. to realize what he has done in daily expenditures and earnings, as
scientists write down the results of their experiments. By applying such
methods with scrutiny and patience, our souls and bodies change for the
better.”
The Sarcastic and the Insulters
It is the nature of some people to search for the faults, mistakes, and secrets
of others and to criticize and blame them for these shortcomings. Yet in most
circumstances, these people’s faults and shortcomings greatly exceed their
noble traits. They ignore this and occupy themselves with the misfortunes of
hers.
Insulting
others is an evil trait which pollutes man’s life and degrades his behavioral
characteristics.
The elements which motivate man to put others down become more dangerous when
accompanied with conceit, arrogance and self-righteousness. These behavioral
complexes instigate man to make false judgments while thinking that they are
positively the right ones.
Those
who constantly criticize others waste their efforts in manners unacceptable to
reason or law. They give too much importance to observing their friends’ faults
in order to insult and downgrade them, ignoring the fact that by doing so they
deprive themselves of any opportunity to notice their own mistakes, thus
leading themselves from the path of guidance and righteousness.
Those
who lack courage do not observe any rule or respect the honor of others; they
cannot live in harmony with the closest people to them. When these people
cannot find acquaintances to insult, they turn to relatives and friends; for
this reason these people are unable to make real friends whose love and respect
they can enjoy.
Men earn
their honor throughout their lives; therefore, those who offend the honor of
others, subject their own honor to insults and destruction.
Although
those who constantly insult others may not realize the amount of damage they do
to themselves, they cannot stop themselves from the social reaction to their
wrongdoings. Wrongdoings which bring them nothing except hate, enmity and
disgust. They feel sorry, but as it is said, “It is impossible to bring a bird
back to its nest when it has flown away.”
He who
wishes to socialize with others has to define his own duties and
responsibilities, one of which is to always look for the virtuous traits and
good deeds of others in order to be able to glorify them. He must also rid
himself of the traits which insult the dignity of others and contradict the
fundamentals of love, for love only survives if it lives within the exchanges
of respect and observance of both parties. He, whose habit it is to conceal the
shortcomings of his loved ones and friends will enjoy more stable
relationships. It is also complimentary if one is able to bring the attention
of those he loves to their weak points so the individual has a chance to
change.
Of course, it is necessary for an individual wishing to bring his friend’s
attention to an unpleasant trait to apply special skills so as not to insult or
“hurt his feelings.”
According
to one educator: “It is possible to
bring the attention of your listener to his mistakes by a glance or a gesture,
it is usually unnecessary to speak directly. If you were to say to someone,
‘You made a mistake, he would never agree with you for you have insulted his
reason, ability to think and self-confidence. Confronting him openly makes him
resist your action without adjusting his views, even if you prove to him beyond
doubt that you are right. When you bring a conversation do not open it with, ‘I
will prove it to you.’ or ‘I will substantiate that,’ for this means that yon
are smarter or more clever than the person to whom von are speaking. The act of
correcting someone’s thinking is a difficult task so why add more trouble by
the wrong procedure and creating an irreversible barrier.
“When
you propose to prove a point it is important that others are not aware of von
attention. You should proceed towards your goal with precise steps without
allowing anyone the opportunity to discover your aim. Remember the following
saying when working in this field: ‘Teach people without being teachers.”’
Religious Teachings Verses Sarcasm
The Holy Qur’an warns the sarcastic of their gloomy fate, and cautions them
about the results of their evil actions. It is written:
“Woe
to every slanderer, defamer.” (The Holy Qur’an, 104:1)
Islam
deems it obligatory for all Muslims to observe the rules of manners and good
conduct so as to preserve unity. Islam also forbids slander and sarcasm in
order to avoid dissension and the weakening of brotherly relationships.
Therefore, it is the duty of every Muslim to observe the rights of others and
to refrain from insulting or humiliating them.
Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) said:
“A believer becomes more reassured near another believer than a thirsty man
does when he finds cold water.’’
Imam
al-Baqir (a.s.) said:
“It is enough of a fault of an individual to note the faults of people and
ignore that which he suffers from, criticize others for something that he
himself does or to hurt an intimate friend with that which does not concern
him.”
Their grandfather,
Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:
“Avoid the companionship of those who search for people’s shortcomings, for
their companions are not safe from their plots.”
Although
it is part of man’s nature to refuse criticism, one should be attentive to
constructive criticism. It is under the shadow of constructive advice that we
are able to prepare the elements for advancing ourselves, if Allah wills.
The
Commander of the Faithful (a.s.) reminded us of the above-mentioned fact when
he said:
“Let the closest to you be from among people who guide you to (discover) your
shortcomings, and aid you against your own wrong inspirations.”
The
following is from Dr. Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence
People:
“We must listen to criticism and accept it for we should not expect two-thirds
of our actions and thoughts to be accurate. Albert Einstein admitted that
ninety-nine percent of his ideas and conclusions were false. When someone wants
to criticize, I find myself being defensive without even knowing what he wants
to say; yet, when this happens I later resent myself.
“We all
prefer praise and glorification and refuse reprehension and criticism without
observing the degree of appropriateness and accuracy of any of these comments.
We surely are not the children of proof and logic but the children of feelings.
Our minds become like sailing ships which are tossed around by the waves of
feelings on a dark sea. At the present time most of us are self-confident, but
in forty years we shall look back at ourselves and laugh at our actions and
thoughts.”
Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) said:
“He who searches for people’s shortcomings should start with himself.”
Dr. H.
Shakhter has said:
“Instead of objecting to the utterances or actions of others it is better to
reflect on your own problems and pains if possible correct them. it is
incumbent upon each one of us to reflect on our problems, discover our faults
and shortcomings and solve them if we can.”
The
ignorant attempt to conceal their shortcomings instead of endeavoring to
eradicate them.
According to Imam ‘Ali (a.s.):
“It is stupidity in a person which causes him to observe the faults of others
and not notice that which is concealed of his own faults.”
Dr.
Auibuty has stated:
“Because of our ignorance, we frequently ignore our shortcomings and conceal
them under a veil of ignorance and unawareness so as to lure ourselves in this
manner. It is amazing how people will try to conceal their shortcomings from
the eyes of others without ever attempting to eradicate them. Yet, when one of
their faults is revealed and they cannot conceal it, they create thousands of
excuses to satisfy themselves and others. These people attempt to downplay the
importance of their faults in the eyes of people, forgetting that as days go by
the importance of such faults will become more manifest. Exactly as a seed
grows to become a mighty tree”.
Studying
the personality is the only accepted method by psychologists to diagnose and
treat various illnesses. Imam ‘Ali (a.s.) advised people of this very same
method. He said:
“It is incumbent on men of reason to pinpoint their shortcomings in religion,
opinion, behavior, and manners and to gather them in their heart or in a book
and work on eliminating them.”
Also
according to a psychologist:
“Sit comfortable in a quite room with a clear mind and ask your family not to
let anyone bother you. The more comforting the place is and the more at rest
you are the better it is: because what we intend to do requires a basic rule
which is not to allow your thinking to be disturbed by concentrating only on
the main objective. Also, your body should not be diverted by your bodily
needs.
“Take with you some dark cheap paper and a pen which you can write with easily.
I mentioned dark cheap paper so as to allow you to use a large quantity without
worrying about expense. I also mentioned an easy pen because you will be
surrounded by thousands of spiritual and psychological factors when you study
yourself, you will need a pen that will not distract you.
“Make a list of the types of feelings and reactions which you encountered in
yourself on this day and the day before. Now review each one of them, think
deeply about them, next write down everything that comes to your mind regarding
these feelings without any reservations or limitations. Do not worry if it
takes a long time.
“When you have written all your actions, thoughts. feelings. and reactions,
bring to mind the instincts of self-love, seclusion. conceit,.. .etc, Now match
every action or thought with the instinct which motivated it by asking yourself
the simple questions: Which instinct motivated this action or utterance?
“The purpose of this psychological self-analysis is to allow the patient to
change as much of his spiritual personality. as his lively and constructive
spiritual powers can by eradicating his psychological reactions and nervous
states. This way he will consciously feel that he is a new person. Hence, he
will realize new goals and meanings in life and be able to draw a new path in
life For himself other than the previous one.”
Notes:
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