Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 2 months ago

Inshallah you will find someone. As they say, there is somebody for everybody.

Attraction is somewhat different from conventional standards of beauty or handsomeness; sometimes two people like each other even if they don't fit society's definition of what is attractive. And, of course, different people have different ideas of what they find attractive in a mate. So, I am sure you have some features or qualities which are appealing!

And, of course, not everyone is looking primarily at physical appearance; some people value inner qualities such as compassion, helpfulness, reliability, and other things; or they admire other skills such as artistic skill, intellect, sports skill, charitable work, good conversation, or whatever. This is, of course, apart from religiosity.

If you really feel you are not physically appealing, then maybe it is good to focus on demonstrating the other personal qualities you have to offer, and this could make you look good in the other person's eyes. Most people would much prefer to be with someone who genuinely demonstrates they will look after them and be there for them or other demonstrations of good character (such as helping others) rather than someone who just looks good. 

If you are male, you could consider that a lot of women don't look primarily at physical appearance especially if they are looking to settle down and have a stable life. If you need to convince the family, certainly most women's families couldn't care less what the man looks like. At the end of the day, physical appearance waxes and wanes, but a person's character remains. 

As for career, do your best (and these are difficult times). But also remember that, these days, depending on where you live, there isn't always a social expectation that the man will be the sole provider (even if he is obliged to be by shariah). Also, as women get older, if they are single, they are more likely to have a career and income. So, this might become less important if you look to marry someone in a slightly older age bracket. Inshallah Allah will enrich you upon marriage, as the Qur'an says. 

In my observation, the main factors for people getting married and staying married are not handsomeness/beauty and wealth, but, rather, having a good set of family values and a strong sense of commitment, as well as maintaining strong social ties with others. (This is somewhat counter to what people think.)

Put differently, most people who genuinely want to get married, do get married.

Often, when people don't get married, there is sometimes some underlying reason; for instance, they aren't really wanting commitment, they are unable to make up their mind, or there is something else pushing a potential spouse away (apart from financial reasons). So if you know someone who has good insight into human beings, you could ask the if there is anything that you might change in how you are looking for a spouse or how you are interacting with potential spouses or their families.  

Of course, there could be nothing for them to say and it could simply be a matter of circumstances or simply not being the right time for you.

Anyway, inshallah, will do duas for your finding a good spouse. Continue to ask Allah especially on laylat al qadr and Allah is shy to reject duas! 

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