Is it mandatory, religiously or ethically, to open up about major depression to your future spouse and their family before marriage? If one chooses not to tell them about depression before or during married life, will that be counted as a lie or deceit?

Depression Spouse Marriage

Is it mandatory, religiously or ethically, to open up about major depression to your future spouse and their family before marriage? If one chooses not to tell them about depression before or during married life, will that be counted as a lie or deceit?

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 2 years ago

I am sorry to hear about your difficulties (or the difficulties of the person you are asking on behalf of).

To add to the below response, I find that marriages tend to work out best when the husband and wife feel they can talk openly to each other about their lives without feeling they have to keep secrets. It can be difficult to build a deep relationship when there are big parts of one's life one feels that one can't discuss.

At the same time, real life being what it is, sometimes it doesn't work out to share some things and sometimes one person will use them against the other if they are not entirely of good character. I can also understand not wanting to open up about something personal or sensitive to the whole family and having them weigh in on it or talk about it with each other.

Anyway, there is no shame (or at least there should be no shame) in mental health conditions, just as, indeed, there is often no shame in the other things that people, often women, feel compelled to keep secret for social reasons.

I do agree however that when a person finds out something later, oftentimes the reaction is worse because they feel deceived and that it is a betrayal of trust.

But you have to make whatever decision is best - perhaps consider doing istikhara about sharing it, if you are genuinely unsure?

Zoheir Ali Esmail, Shaykh Zoheir Ali Esmail has a Bsc in Accounting and Finance from the LSE in London, and an MA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University. He studied Arabic at Damascus University and holds a PhD... Answered 2 years ago

Bismillah

Thank you for your question. At the moment, Shii law does not consider mental health as an issue that would annul a marriage contract. However, considering the fact that marriage in the modern world is a major decision for both parties it would be wise to not hide such issues as they will inevitably come up during the course of a persons marriage at which stage your partner may feel hard done by. Especially if it is something you are not entirely over. With these situations it is helpful to put yourself in the other party's shoes and treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.

May you always be successful.