Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 1 year ago

It is a good opportunity to spend time exploring the vastness and diversity of the Qur'an and Islamic heritage, and the various ways that Islam is lived and understood. It may be that you will find others, past or present, who shared your views or concerns. There are as many ways to live Islam as there are Muslims, and while there is a tendency to treat what is around one's self as "the only Islam", the reality is that it is only one of many views. Even among a specific group, such as Twelver Shi'is, there are many different ways the religion is lived in practice. 

Also, it is a good time for self-reflection about what you believe regarding the basics. For instance, do you believe in God, what do you believe is the nature of God (assuming you believe God exists), what do you believe regarding the afterlife, what do you believe with respect to social ideals, do you believe the Qur'an is divine revelation, etc. 

It is considered to be part of the normal developmental process of human beings to transition from simply accepting what one is told as a child regarding religion, to questioning it and processing it into something one can successfully stand on independently as an adult. Sometimes, this requires some shifts. In fact, throughout life, it is not unusual for those who are strongly committed to a religion to periodically readjust their ideas of what their religion means to them, what they believe to be true, etc, as our understanding (ideally) continues to mature as we gain life experience.  

Lastly it doesn't hurt to be honest inside one's self about people's failings. (Sometimes it isn't tactful or wise to share those views, but one can at least be self-honest.) For instance, some Islamic centres are healthy environments. Some are not. Some Islamic schools are healthy environments. Some are not. Some Muslims live the ideals of Islam including trust in God, courage, justice, compassion, honesty, thinking the best of people, and so on; and others do not. Just putting the label "Islamic" on something does not mean that it is representing the values of the Qur'an; one has to dig deeper and see what is actually going on. 

Part of the process of adulthood can involve coming to accept the reality that our parents (or other significant adults who were around us when we grew up) are flawed human beings and, like everyone else, sometimes act certain ways due to fears, inner insecurities, low self-esteem, frustration, psychological challenges, difficulty in handling various aspects of their self, and so forth. It can be difficult for young children to handle this because young children tend to see their parents as gods and providers. It is also something we don't tend to be very honest about in our public discussions in the Muslim community. However when we look at every other single person in the world we can see they have flaws and sometimes be compassionate towards them or at least understand why they do what they do; in difficult family situations, it can take time to be able to do that with one's parents. It can perhaps be more difficult when things are done in the name of God or religion. Still, it can be part of a healthy growth process and of transitioning from simply doing/being what one was told as a child to full maturity. It can also help guide us to how we want to live our lives, and if some examples in our upbringing were not ideal, we can at least consciously decide not to copy them in our own family lives and try to live in a way we think is healthier. 

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