Domestic violence (also named domestic abuse or family violence) is violence or other abuse in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. Domestic violence may be used as a synonym for intimate partner violence, which is committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship against the other spouse or partner, and can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, or between former spouses or partners. In the broadest sense, domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly.
It is a sinful act to beat any one, leave aside the wife who is your life partner who should get from you the best treatment. The Prophet (SAWA) said: Best of you are the best to their wives and I am the best to my wives.
Hadeeth states: I wonder from the man who beats his wife while he is more entitled to be beaten. (Biharul Anwaar, volume 103).
(Good believer never beats his wife) as the Hadeeth stated.
If a husband beats his wife and causes reddish ness on her body, he will responsible to a penalty called Diyah which increases with the degree of the beating.
That is apart from the punishment hereafter for beating.
'Real Muslim believes that his wife is a respected human being like him and will never beat her nor hurt her feelings.
We always advise the parents to avoid hitting their children because of the big harm of insult on the soul and mind of the child.Hitting any one including your children is not permissible if it leaves a mark. There is a penalty (Diyah) to be paid to the child if the mark is reddish, and more penalty if the mark is blueish.
Parents should look for other ways to deal with their children's disobedience which should be away from insulting or violence.
I think the initial response you would probably hear is be patient, he is probably under pressure, try not to take sides, and so on.
However, if such a man has no consideration for religious teachings or moral conduct, then the only solution is authority. Once upon a time elders would intervene, and such a husband/father would be deterred and feel ashamed, resulting in stopping such behaviour. Unfortunately, our communities do not have that level of respect anymore.
It starts with your mother, as she needs to have the courage and ability to leave him. She must know that by her staying in this relationship she is exposing her children to violence, trauma and irreversible damage. She probably comes from a mindset that no matter what, the husband/father can do anything, but this is extremely wrong and damaging.
By contacting the authorities, although your mother, or even some family members would be upset with you, but you are stopping and preventing harm upon your mother and your siblings.
The police, social workers, court, etc will be able to give something to him that you or your mother cannot, and that is help. He needs help, for anger management, maybe for mental stability. Maybe just a reminder that he cannot get away with this kind of oppressive behaviour, and so on.
You will certainly be doing the right thing and bring this to an end.
These are my views on domestic violence and living with someone who systematically and continuously abuses family members. Of course, you should try to consult with someone close to you, and reach out for help, and also pray for your father as well.
In shaa Allah other specialists in this forum will give suggestions and advice to you as well.
With prayers for your success.
This is a difficult question, and maybe even sensitive for some, because we know that Islam unequivocally condemns abuse or physical violence towards other innocent people.
We must always remember that many parents have not been given the correct method of upbringing, and many parents do not have the adequate skills to deal with parenting and the many pressures that it entails.
As Muslims, we are taught to always show the utmost level of respect to our parents and our elders. How they reciprocate that and what they do or have done is something else.
Allah ta'ala will judge them for what they have done.
We must stay loyal to our parents, pray for them, visit them, be compassionate to them, and never sever ties with them. We must also ask Allah ta'ala to grant us the patience we need to make sure our love for them stays in our heart, even thought they might have hurt us.
As long as you yourself know that you are not being insolent, or disobeying your parents, or not cutting ties. In regards to your inner feelings, there is nothing much that are able to do, because of the ongoing abuse, but it still does not allow you to disrespect your parents.
Honour your parents, avoid things that would agravate them, or upset them, in what you do or say, try to get them to understand your position, and how its affecting you, maybe by getting intervention from elders, and most importantly always do dua for them.
With prayers for your success.
The topic of domestic violence is always an upsetting topic for anyone to discuss, because of the detrimental damages it has on everyone involved in it. It is natural for someone to get angry, or sometimes even furious, but for them to take it further and incur injury on someone else, that is unaccepted. Look at how much our religion tells us about suppressing our anger, and learning tactics on how to cool ourselves down, and to never ever transgress the rights of others.
Also, this injury doesn't necessarily need to be physical, it could also be mental and emotional. At times the effects and damages of emotional abuse lasts longer than physical.
It makes it even worse when unfortunately we see some so-called "religious" people who's private life is completely different to their public life. In public, they are kind and friendly, but at home, in their private life, they are tyrannical, oppressive and violent.
Dhulm, or oppression is one of the worst of sins, and indeed there is a harsh punishment waiting for that person who treats others unfairly and wrongs them in any way.
As for you, the son/daughter, who is living in this situation. You really need to evaluate the situation and see to what extent is this happening, and how you are able to safeguard yourself. Have you tried to speak to relatives, or close family friends about this? Have you contacted a professional family counselor, preferably Muslim so they know your culture and how to deal with it. In serious cases, have you involved the police?
Your parents are clearly going through a crisis through their lovelessness, and they are dragging you along with them. It could be that their emotional instability and fracturing of their relationship is taking a toll on those around them, and that is unfair.
Pray for them, and whatever they do, still do dua for them, but dont let these things continue. This is an ibtilaa' Allah ta'ala has placed you in, so you need to stay strong to overcome it.
Of course, only you can evaluate the situation, and see how to deal with these circumstances, but one important thing is if this is a reoccurring scenario, then you must protect yourself, and somehow make it stop. Whatever you are doing, it never justifies abuse, and therefore always remember that you should never blame yourself as well.
I would strongly recommend you reaching out to someone in person, and seek intervention, and always stay strong, in shaa Allah.
With prayers for your success.
Islam does not allow injustice from any one on any one. Husband has no right to abuse his wife or deprive her from any of her rights as a wife. If the husband does not fear God and insists on doing wrong to his wife, she will then has the right to refer her case to the Islamic authority (Haakim al-Shariah who is the Marji' of Taqleed or his deputy) who orders the husband either to provide his wife with all her rights or to free her by divorce. If the husband refuses both options, Haakim al-Shariah then divorces her with out consent of her abusive husband and releases her from such harming husband.
Wife does not need to return her Mahr in such case.
There is a type of Talaq called Khul'a in which the wife does not like her husband and wants to be divorced from him and gives him an amount just to divorce her. That amount can be the Mahr or less or more. If the husband agrees to take that amount to divorce her, that Talaq is called Khul'a and it is a final Talaq with no return.
That person was a criminal who was entitled to be killed, that is why Prophet Musa who is infallible killed him.
If a wife is being abused or victimized by he husband, she will have the right to request the Islamic authority (Kaakim al-Shariah) to ask her husband to remove injustice and give her her rights, or if he refuses, then he should divorce her. If the husband refuses both options, then he Islamic authority is authorized to divorce her and remove injustice from her.
Abuse can run in families, so maybe there are other family members that are also abusive. You need to research personality types, e.g. psychopathic, sociopathic, covert narcissist, overt narcissist in order to better understand how to respond to the abuse. Most experts advise practicing 'grey rock', learning not to rise to goads and provocations, and distancing oneself (as far as going 'no contact', which is permissible if you are being harmed.) Unfortunately it is very hard to get abusers to reform. It is not your job to do that. Youtube now has thousands of videos that advise people on how to deal with abuse. A systematic and detailed study of this from an Islamic perspective still needs to be made.
Yes, she has full right to get good treatment from her husband, and she has full right to complain to the Islamic scholar ( Hakim al-Shariah) if he insists on mistreating of her.
This is a test for you as every human being has a test in his life or tests. We have in the statements of the Prophet Muhammad (SAWA) : The Jihad of the woman is tolerating the bad attitude of her husband.
We can not make judgement before listening to both parties, but there are thousands of cases of bad attitude of husband towards his wife, or the wife towards her husband.
We need to be sure that husband and wife must avoid any act or word which instigates the other. Wife should do her best not to do or say anything which makes her husband unhappy with her. If she fulfills her responsibility in this matter, and still suffers from bad attitude of her husband or his parents or relatives, she will be then getting the degree of Jihad for her tolerance and patience.
Be careful not to fall in any unwanted acts or words as a reaction of bad acts from her husbands or his family.
Remember the great reward of pious ladies like Asiya who suffered a lot from bad husband Firaon.
Patience and seeking support and help from Allah (SWT) is the main gate of relief from such difficult situation.
Repeatin YA GHAFOUR YA WADOUD ,
LA HAWLA WALA QUWWATA ILLA BILLAH
ASTAGHFIRULLAH RABBI WA ATOUBU ELAYH
ALLAHUMMA SALLI AL MUHAMMAD WA AALI MUHAMMAD is also very helpful.
1. Islam does not allow any one to him other person. Husband is not allowed to hit his wife. What has been mentioned in Quran (4:34) has been misunderstood by translators. Our leading scholars have explained the meaning of it according to authentic Hadeeths from the Prophet (SAWA) and Ahlul Bayt (AS). We have authentic Hadeeths blaming and attacking the person who hits his wife and state that beside the sin that he has committed, he must pay a penalty to her which depends on the effect of the hit on her body.
2. She is free to give charity with out her husband's permission or even knowledge if she gives from her own money or money given to her by him for her, but if she wants to give from his own money, then he should approve that. This rule is general in Islam in all cases of using or dealing or giving the money of any one. The owner of the money must allow or approve that.