Domestic violence

Bismihi ta'ala

I think the initial response you would probably hear is be patient, he is probably under pressure, try not to take sides, and so on. 

However, if such a man has no consideration for religious teachings or moral conduct, then the only solution is authority. Once upon a time elders would intervene, and such a husband/father would be deterred and feel ashamed, resulting in stopping such behaviour. Unfortunately, our communities do not have that level of respect anymore. 

It starts with your mother, as she needs to have the courage and ability to leave him. She must know that by her staying in this relationship she is exposing her children to violence, trauma and irreversible damage. She probably comes from a mindset that no matter what, the husband/father can do anything, but this is extremely wrong and damaging. 

By contacting the authorities, although your mother, or even some family members would be upset with you, but you are stopping and preventing harm upon your mother and your siblings. 

The police, social workers, court, etc will be able to give something to him that you or your mother cannot, and that is help. He needs help, for anger management, maybe for mental stability. Maybe just a reminder that he cannot get away with this kind of oppressive behaviour, and so on. 

You will certainly be doing the right thing and bring this to an end.

These are my views on domestic violence and living with someone who systematically and continuously abuses family members. Of course, you should try to consult with someone close to you, and reach out for help, and also pray for your father as well. 

In shaa Allah other specialists in this forum will give suggestions and advice to you as well.

With prayers for your success. 

Bismihi ta'ala

This is a difficult question, and maybe even sensitive for some, because we know that Islam unequivocally condemns abuse or physical violence towards other innocent people. 

We must always remember that many parents have not been given the correct method of upbringing, and many parents do not have the adequate skills to deal with parenting and the many pressures that it entails. 

As Muslims, we are taught to always show the utmost level of respect to our parents and our elders. How they reciprocate that and what they do or have done is something else. 

Allah ta'ala will judge them for what they have done. 

We must stay loyal to our parents, pray for them, visit them, be compassionate to them, and never sever ties with them. We must also ask Allah ta'ala to grant us the patience we need to make sure our love for them stays in our heart, even thought they might have hurt us. 

As long as you yourself know that you are not being insolent, or disobeying your parents, or not cutting ties. In regards to your inner feelings, there is nothing much that are able to do, because of the ongoing abuse, but it still does not allow you to disrespect your parents. 

Honour your parents, avoid things that would agravate them, or upset them, in what you do or say, try to get them to understand your position, and how its affecting you, maybe by getting intervention from elders, and most importantly always do dua for them.

With prayers for your success. 

Bismihi ta'ala

The topic of domestic violence is always an upsetting topic for anyone to discuss, because of the detrimental damages it has on everyone involved in it. It is natural for someone to get angry, or sometimes even furious, but for them to take it further and incur injury on someone else, that is unaccepted. Look at how much our religion tells us about suppressing our anger, and learning tactics on how to cool ourselves down, and to never ever transgress the rights of others.

Also, this injury doesn't necessarily need to be physical, it could also be mental and emotional. At times the effects and damages of emotional abuse lasts longer than physical. 

It makes it even worse when unfortunately we see some so-called "religious" people who's private life is completely different to their public life. In public, they are kind and friendly, but at home, in their private life, they are tyrannical, oppressive and violent. 

Dhulm, or oppression is one of the worst of sins, and indeed there is a harsh punishment waiting for that person who treats others unfairly and wrongs them in any way. 

As for you, the son/daughter, who is living in this situation. You really need to evaluate the situation and see to what extent is this happening, and how you are able to safeguard yourself. Have you tried to speak to relatives, or close family friends about this? Have you contacted a professional family counselor, preferably Muslim so they know your culture and how to deal with it. In serious cases, have you involved the police? 

Your parents are clearly going through a crisis through their lovelessness, and they are dragging you along with them. It could be that their emotional instability and fracturing of their relationship is taking a toll on those around them, and that is unfair. 

Pray for them, and whatever they do, still do dua for them, but dont let these things continue. This is an ibtilaa' Allah ta'ala has placed you in, so you need to stay strong to overcome it. 

Of course, only you can evaluate the situation, and see how to deal with these circumstances, but one important thing is if this is a reoccurring scenario, then you must protect yourself, and somehow make it stop. Whatever you are doing, it never justifies abuse, and therefore always remember that you should never blame yourself as well. 

I would strongly recommend you reaching out to someone in person, and seek intervention, and always stay strong, in shaa Allah.

With prayers for your success.