Mother

127039

I am a 32 year old married woman and I think that my mother doesn't like me much. Some of her comments really break my heart and there's nothing I can do. Sometimes these harsh comments are also for my kids. What should I do?

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 9 months ago

This is going on in thousands of families but you as a believing and God fearing person should deal with it carefully and humbly.
You must tolerate your mother in every possible way. She is after all your mother and her right in you is greater than explaining. Even if the parents were non believers,b their rights as parents remains great in their children. Try your best to avoid instigating her by any word or act, and always tolerate her behavior and comments. It might be a test for you from Allah to examine your faith in Allah. Never react badly to any of her behavior and comments. Annoying your mother or father causes anger of Allah on you, God forbid.

Wassalam.

123315

Mother . Dream . Death . Anger

If I haven't see my mother in my dream after her death, while she has appeared in the dreams of other relatives, does that indicate her anger at me?

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 11 months ago

No - some people remember their dreams better than others or are more open to these things. Also you can't be sure that other people's dreams are actual communication, although sometimes you get an idea one way or the other.

Inshallah she would not have reasons to be angry to you after she has passed on - many things we are angry about in life become unimportant once we are not dealing with the material and social realities of this world. Allah also says in the Qur'an that He will remove bad feelings from people's hearts in jannah.

However if you are concerned that she is angry at you, you could pray that she forgives you.

Sorry to hear about your loss.

119076

Consent . Mother . Sister . Father . Marriage

Can a 22 year old female virgin marry a person who is religious and suitable having the consent from her mother and sister even if the father disagrees for no valid reason?

Seyed Ali Shobayri, Seyed Ali Shobayri is of mixed Iranian and Scottish descent who found the path of the Ahlul Bayt (a) by his own research. He holds a BA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University through the... Answered 1 year ago

Bismallah,

Asalamu Alaykom,

The following answer may help you:

https://www.al-islam.org/ask/is-it-sinful-for-a-girl-to-marry-without-the-permission-of-her-parents

May Allah grant you sucrsss

111324

Mother . Sayyid . Fatimah al-Zahra

If descent from Fatima (as) is the reason why someone is considered a Syed, then why are Syed bloodlines considered to stay pure only when the father is Syed and not when the mother is Syed, regardless of whether they marry a Syed or non-Syed partner?

1. Purity of bloodline because of the connection to Lady Fatima (AS) remains with every one who has this connection whether from his Sayyed father or Sayyedah mother.

2. There is another jurisprudence rule to define the Sayyed person who will be allowed to give his obligatory Zakat or Fitra to needy Sayyed. Most of our Maraaje' of Taqleed say that the definition of Sayyed is the person who was born from Sayyed father.
These are two different issues.

Wassalam.

110785

Brother . Family . Mother . Silat al-Rahm

I have a toxic brother who has disrespected every member of my family multiple times including spitting on our mother. Am I allowed to cut ties with him?

Not at all. No matter how bad is your brother or relative, you should never cut ties with him but you should avoid endorsing his wrong acts.

You must keep a link with him through any suitable way of communication and keep advising and guiding him as and when you have a chance.

Wassalam.

110144

Mother . Son . Silat al-Rahm

Is it allowed for the mother to completely cut ties and abandon her son and would it be considered Qat’a ar-Rahm? Would it also be Qat’a ar-Rahm for the son if he doesn’t want to talk to her?

Bismillah,

Asalamu Alaykom,

It is not allowed for one to completely cut ties with those who it is wajib to keep ties with. Yes, one may not have a good relationship with a certain family member and may not want to see them face to face, however there are a number of actions to still keep minimum contact which would not be considered cutting them off entirely. This could be through the phone, email or messaging apps which society would consider still keeping a relationship.

With parents one should try as much as possible to keep a good relationship and the son ignoring his mother would be doing qat al rahm.

May Allah swt grant you success

107007

Husband . Mother . Wife . Children

Can the husband and his mother force the wife to agree to have children?

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 1 year ago

Bismihi ta'ala

This is something that the couple should have outlined prior to their marriage, especially if the husband or the wife does not have any interest in having children. After marriage, although the husband or his mother cannot "force" the wife to have children, she should see this from a different perspective.

Our religion encourages us to have children, and many of them. There are numerous narrations from Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) that stress on having multiple children, and praises a woman who bears children. Motherhood is the most honourable thing a person can achieve, so what would want a wife to avoid having such a status.

She does not need to be forced. She only needs to look within and realise that it is going to be the greatest thing in her life.

It will also keep her marriage and strengthen the bond between her and her husband.

If, for example, she is having trouble with her husband, and she does not know whether her marriage will last or not, so she thinks pregnancy will be a bad choice. Or there is violence in the household, and she does not want to have a baby to be in such an environment. Or other situations that would jeapordise her relationship with her husband, then she must be very frank and straightforward about this.

Most important for her to know is building a family is the most valuable thing a person can do.

With prayers for your success.

105017

Father . Mother . Daughter . Domestic violence

My father is physically and verbally abusive to my mother and siblings despite them never cursing or harming him. What should I do as a daughter?

Bismihi ta'ala

I think the initial response you would probably hear is be patient, he is probably under pressure, try not to take sides, and so on.

However, if such a man has no consideration for religious teachings or moral conduct, then the only solution is authority. Once upon a time elders would intervene, and such a husband/father would be deterred and feel ashamed, resulting in stopping such behaviour. Unfortunately, our communities do not have that level of respect anymore.

It starts with your mother, as she needs to have the courage and ability to leave him. She must know that by her staying in this relationship she is exposing her children to violence, trauma and irreversible damage. She probably comes from a mindset that no matter what, the husband/father can do anything, but this is extremely wrong and damaging.

By contacting the authorities, although your mother, or even some family members would be upset with you, but you are stopping and preventing harm upon your mother and your siblings.

The police, social workers, court, etc will be able to give something to him that you or your mother cannot, and that is help. He needs help, for anger management, maybe for mental stability. Maybe just a reminder that he cannot get away with this kind of oppressive behaviour, and so on.

You will certainly be doing the right thing and bring this to an end.

These are my views on domestic violence and living with someone who systematically and continuously abuses family members. Of course, you should try to consult with someone close to you, and reach out for help, and also pray for your father as well.

In shaa Allah other specialists in this forum will give suggestions and advice to you as well.

With prayers for your success.

100638

Mother . Son . Salah (Prayers) . Qadha

My mother didn't pray her Wajib prayers for many years. As her son, and being the only child, do I have to perform her Qada prayers? If so, how should I get started given that I do not know how many prayers she had missed?

Bismihi ta'ala

Assuming that your mother has passed, besides whether it is wajib for you or not, it would be the most noble and most loyal thing for you to do. Your mother might have forgotten, or unintentionally neglected, or gone through some difficulties, and did not perform her acts of worship.

You, the loyal son, are able to compensate that and the reward and blessings will not only go to her, but to you as well. In some hadiths it says there are some children who are loyal to their parents while alive, and not loyal when they die. Being not loyal is not doing dua or prayers or good deeds for them.

If you cannot roughly estimate, or have no idea, you have two options:

1. Pray what you can, as long as you are healthy and have time. The bonus is it's extra 'ibadah for you, which is a wonderful thing.

2. You can hire someone to do the 'ibadaat on behalf of your mother. There are many poor mu'mineen/mu'minaat who live off doing 'ibaadaat hire. Pay for whatever you are financially capable of.

With prayers for your success.

97366

Parents . Law . Husband . Father . Wife . Mother . Marriage

Can co-parents-in-law marry such as a husband's father and a wife's mother?

Yes it is permissible for husband's father to marry the mother-in-law of his son if she is widowed or divorced. Wife is Mahram for her father-in-law only not for his sons and husband is Mahram for his mother-in-law only not for her other daughters. This rule of being Mahram does not include the parents of the husband and wife.
'Your mother-in-law must observe Hijab from your father but not from you. Obviously, when they are non-Mahram to each other, marriage between them is permissible.

Wassalam.

Parents . Law . Husband . Father . Wife . Mother . Marriage

Can co-parents-in-law marry such as a husband's father and a wife's mother?

It's fine as long as there is no secondary reason why they can't marry (for instance, they have a blood relationship that prevents it, etc.).

Anyway I think it is rather sweet. I hope they are all happy!

93759

Woman . Mother . Mut'a (Temporary marriage)

If a virgin woman is financially dependent upon her mother and has no father or grandfather that plays a role in her life, does she need anyone's permission to do temporary marriage?

Bismihi ta'ala

If the father or grandfather are still alive, they are still her shar'i guardian, whether they play a role in her life or not. Unless of course she reaches out to them, and for an unjustifiable reason refuse to give their consent, in such a circumstance the case would be different.

However, assuming that they are still alive, she must obtain their consent.

If they have passed, for marriage to be legitimate, she does not need to seek consent, however from a social/moral perspective, she should aim at having family involved, and not pursue an ongoing relationship through a permanent marriage, and not temporary.

And Allah knows best.

In the case that her father grandfather and If we were to answer jurisprudentially, if her father and grandfather