Father

A father is the male parent of a child. Besides the paternal bonds of a father to his children, the father may have a parental, legal, and social relationship with the child that carries with it certain rights and obligations.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 1 week ago

Bismihi ta'ala

I think the initial response you would probably hear is be patient, he is probably under pressure, try not to take sides, and so on. 

However, if such a man has no consideration for religious teachings or moral conduct, then the only solution is authority. Once upon a time elders would intervene, and such a husband/father would be deterred and feel ashamed, resulting in stopping such behaviour. Unfortunately, our communities do not have that level of respect anymore. 

It starts with your mother, as she needs to have the courage and ability to leave him. She must know that by her staying in this relationship she is exposing her children to violence, trauma and irreversible damage. She probably comes from a mindset that no matter what, the husband/father can do anything, but this is extremely wrong and damaging. 

By contacting the authorities, although your mother, or even some family members would be upset with you, but you are stopping and preventing harm upon your mother and your siblings. 

The police, social workers, court, etc will be able to give something to him that you or your mother cannot, and that is help. He needs help, for anger management, maybe for mental stability. Maybe just a reminder that he cannot get away with this kind of oppressive behaviour, and so on. 

You will certainly be doing the right thing and bring this to an end.

These are my views on domestic violence and living with someone who systematically and continuously abuses family members. Of course, you should try to consult with someone close to you, and reach out for help, and also pray for your father as well. 

In shaa Allah other specialists in this forum will give suggestions and advice to you as well.

With prayers for your success. 

101052

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 2 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

It is very important for us as parents to teach our children independence and self-reliance as early as possible. It is not only good for the child's personality, building their life skills and self-esteem, but it is also good for the parents as well.

We can see how Islam encourages us to categorise the different stages of growth a child goes through, and to cater to each stage in its correct way. 

If your child does not have any physical difficulties that would impede her from doing these things on her own, it is highly encouraged from now to start teaching her these things so she can do them on her own. 

The more you delay it, the more difficult it will be for her to learn. Start with toilet training, getting her to learn how to clean herself, on her own. Then gradually give her the confidence that she can shower by herself, and so on. 

As for sleeping, I am sure you know how important it is for each child to sleep separately, on their own. Try to read about this topic from the viewpoint expert child psychologists. 

With prayers for your success. 

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 2 months ago

The father is responsible to provide livelihood expenses for his children till that are able to earn or be away from need. 
Some fathers who don't live with their children think that they are not in need. You need to inform your father clearly that you need his support for your livelihood expenses. After informing him, he should respond, but if he does not, then try to talk to persons who have influence on him to remind him about his responsibility towards his own daughter. You can also request the religious authority who is Marje of Taqleed or his representative to ask your father to fulfill his duty.

Wassalam.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 3 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

If you know that your brother would be ok with you using his amanah in a wise and responsible way, and that you would return it back to your brother once he asks for it, then you are allowed to lend that money to your father. 

And Allah knows best.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 3 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

Of course, it is indeed difficult when a son/daughter is faced with such a predicament of dealing with a difficult parent. It is usually inherent within a Muslim that we want to obey and be loyal to our parents.

However, there could be some parents, for whatever reason (mental, social, cultural), who become not just difficult to be with, but intolerable. 

This is all based on the assumption that your judgment, as a son/daughter is absolutely correct, and beyond any doubt based on true evaluation. The reason why I say this is because you might think your father is "dictatorial", but for the wrong reasons.

You might believe he is oppressing you because he doesn't allow you to go out with certain friends, or work in a certain field, or marry a certain individual. In these scenarios, or any other similar scenario, although you believe your father isnt being fair to you, it does not mean he is "dictatorial" or oppressing you. 

That's why circumstances would certainly be different, based on the case each family is in. 

Seeing that you have genuine requests, and legal requests, try to find other avenues of getting your father to cooperate and acknowledge your rights and your feelings. 

Maybe seek intervention, through family members, elders, family counselor, psychologist, and so on. 

You cannot just abandon your father, or disown him, but at the same time you cannot continue allowing your genuine requirements to be ignored. 

Ultimately, an effective tool is always for you to pray for him, and to pray for your situation. 

With prayers for your success.   

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answer updated 4 months ago

Yes it is permissible for husband's father to marry the mother-in-law of his son if she is widowed or divorced. Wife is Mahram for her father-in-law only not for his sons and husband is Mahram for his mother-in-law only not for her other daughters. This rule of being Mahram does not include the parents of the husband and wife. 
'Your mother-in-law must observe Hijab from your father but not from you. Obviously, when they are non-Mahram to each other, marriage between them is permissible.

Wassalam.

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 4 months ago

It's fine as long as there is no secondary reason why they can't marry (for instance, they have a blood relationship that prevents it, etc.).

Anyway I think it is rather sweet. I hope they are all happy!

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 4 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

A "step-father" should aim at trying to become a father figure for his wife's children, and treat them like his own children. One positive way of treating children is by showing affection and loving care, through kissing the children, hugging them, and treating them in the best way possible. 

And Allah knows best. 

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 4 months ago

The real father of Ebrahim was a believer as we read in Quran that Ebrahim prayed for his parents ( O My Lord, Forgive me and my parents on the Day of Judgement) (Sura Ebrahim, Verse 41). It is not allowed to pray for forgiveness of polytheist. (Sura Al-Tawbah, verse 114) which is clear that Ebrahim did not pray for his disbeliever uncle but did pray for his believer real father.

Azar who was mentioned in Quran (Sura Al-An'am, Verse 74) was not the real father of Ebrahim, but was his uncle. His real father's name is Taarih تارح. Arabic language allows to call the uncle as father أبو but the real father is called والد parent.

'In Quran, Allah (SWT) mentioned Esmael as one of the fathers of Yaqoub Jacob though he was his uncle (Sura Al-Baqara, verse 133).

Wassalam.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 6 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

In this situation, there would not be any problem in the surname he chooses, and hopefully he will somehow be able to find information about his family.

And Allah knows best.

91103

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 7 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

This is an circumstantial case that must be looked at individually. Why is the father refusing? Under what pretense? 

It would all come down to negotiation and finding ways of making sure the parents are content. Yes, she is an adult, and she could even be allowed to marry lawfully without her father's consent, but as Muslims we strive towards keeping our parents happy. 

If after negotiation, and intervention from family and elders to convince the father, he is still adamant about his refusal, and it is unwarranted, that is when it would be advisable to involve your scholar. 

We must always remember if we misuse any authority given to us, we will become oppressors and our punishment will be severe. 

And Allah knows best. 

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 9 months ago

According to hadith, we will see and recognise our relatives in the barzakh.