Father

A father is the male parent of a child. Besides the paternal bonds of a father to his children, the father may have a parental, legal, and social relationship with the child that carries with it certain rights and obligations.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 1 month ago

Bismihi ta'ala

I would not recommend at all that it gets to such a stage where your father has to "force" you to give him a percentage of your income. You should be honoured and more than obliged to give your father what you are able to.

In Islamic law, nafaqah on your father is wajib. Your parents who gave you life, nurtured you, accommodated for you and educated you, the least you can do is give back to them a portion of what you have. 

Yes, you need to make your own financial plans, and plan for your future, as that is also important. You might be reluctant to give to your father if he has an addiction, like gambling or something else that is haram. In these kind of circumstances, you can financially contribute to his life, but not by giving cash. 

But if this is not the case, then maybe your father is financially struggling, or saving  money for you, or teaching you loyalty to parents by giving away what we love the most: "money". 

Give to your parents, and you will immediately see the showing of blessings and fortunes onto you. This is what Islam guarantees. 

With prayers for your success.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 2 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

Loyalty and honouring one's word is the most valuable and most important of qualities a person can have. If your commitment to your word is weak, or you have no consideration to honouring your promise, what else is there? 

Both the female, and the male as well have a commitment to stay loyal and honour their agreement. Betraying this, and violating the promise or contract given is not only a major sin, but could also weaken the very relationship in the case they wish to pursue for marriage. It will always be hovering over them that they betrayed the amanah given to them. 

Yes, they can do what they are comfortable with, but stay within the permitter of the agreement.

If what you mean by "physical contact", as in no sexual intercourse, then they can have physical intimacy, but no penetration. This is a common condition fathers place, so this is left for consummation of marriage on wedding night. 

If what you mean by "physical contact" is no physical contact whatsoever, then I think this was an unfair condition, and they should speak to her father and explain that this is unrealistic. Or, they can decide if marriage is the best option for them, and hasten that. If, of course, they find each other to be compatible and happy with marriage. 

In any case, violating an agreement, especially if it is a condition in the contract is haram and sinful. 

Best thing to do is negotiate for a change. 

With prayers for your success. 

109436

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 3 months ago

You must be more than careful when talking with or about your parents and must avoid uttering any word which can make them feel disrespected.

If your father is unwell and needs to be reminded, you should be very very polite and very nice in your attitude with him.

Wassalam.

108738

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 3 months ago

If your non Shia father refuses to allow your marriage with a good Believing person, for no valid reason, and you need the marriage to save yourself from falling in sin, you can refer to your Marja' of Taqleed to seek his guidance.

It is disliked for a virgin girl to do Mut'ah marriage.

Wassalam.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 4 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

The fiqhi ruling for this is the same for any wali amr, and she would need the consent of her father, whether he is Muslim or not. This is in the case that she has not been married before and is not completely independent in everything she does (balighah/rashidah). 

And Allah knows best. 

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 4 months ago

No, as the responsibility of paying the Khums is not on him but on his father.

All family members who eat and utilize money are not responsible to pay its Khums because they are not the owners and Khums is obligatory on the owner only.

Wassalam.

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 4 months ago

If the woman is virgin (never married before) she will need permission of her father or paternal grand father for her marriage. If her father is refusing suitable proposals with out valid reason, she will have the right to get married with a suitable believer to protect herself from falling in Haraam.

If she was married before, she will not then need permission from her father for marriage.

Wassalam.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 5 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

I think the initial response you would probably hear is be patient, he is probably under pressure, try not to take sides, and so on. 

However, if such a man has no consideration for religious teachings or moral conduct, then the only solution is authority. Once upon a time elders would intervene, and such a husband/father would be deterred and feel ashamed, resulting in stopping such behaviour. Unfortunately, our communities do not have that level of respect anymore. 

It starts with your mother, as she needs to have the courage and ability to leave him. She must know that by her staying in this relationship she is exposing her children to violence, trauma and irreversible damage. She probably comes from a mindset that no matter what, the husband/father can do anything, but this is extremely wrong and damaging. 

By contacting the authorities, although your mother, or even some family members would be upset with you, but you are stopping and preventing harm upon your mother and your siblings. 

The police, social workers, court, etc will be able to give something to him that you or your mother cannot, and that is help. He needs help, for anger management, maybe for mental stability. Maybe just a reminder that he cannot get away with this kind of oppressive behaviour, and so on. 

You will certainly be doing the right thing and bring this to an end.

These are my views on domestic violence and living with someone who systematically and continuously abuses family members. Of course, you should try to consult with someone close to you, and reach out for help, and also pray for your father as well. 

In shaa Allah other specialists in this forum will give suggestions and advice to you as well.

With prayers for your success. 

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 7 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

It is very important for us as parents to teach our children independence and self-reliance as early as possible. It is not only good for the child's personality, building their life skills and self-esteem, but it is also good for the parents as well.

We can see how Islam encourages us to categorise the different stages of growth a child goes through, and to cater to each stage in its correct way. 

If your child does not have any physical difficulties that would impede her from doing these things on her own, it is highly encouraged from now to start teaching her these things so she can do them on her own. 

The more you delay it, the more difficult it will be for her to learn. Start with toilet training, getting her to learn how to clean herself, on her own. Then gradually give her the confidence that she can shower by herself, and so on. 

As for sleeping, I am sure you know how important it is for each child to sleep separately, on their own. Try to read about this topic from the viewpoint expert child psychologists. 

With prayers for your success. 

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 7 months ago

The father is responsible to provide livelihood expenses for his children till that are able to earn or be away from need. 
Some fathers who don't live with their children think that they are not in need. You need to inform your father clearly that you need his support for your livelihood expenses. After informing him, he should respond, but if he does not, then try to talk to persons who have influence on him to remind him about his responsibility towards his own daughter. You can also request the religious authority who is Marje of Taqleed or his representative to ask your father to fulfill his duty.

Wassalam.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 8 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

If you know that your brother would be ok with you using his amanah in a wise and responsible way, and that you would return it back to your brother once he asks for it, then you are allowed to lend that money to your father. 

And Allah knows best.

99279

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 8 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

Of course, it is indeed difficult when a son/daughter is faced with such a predicament of dealing with a difficult parent. It is usually inherent within a Muslim that we want to obey and be loyal to our parents.

However, there could be some parents, for whatever reason (mental, social, cultural), who become not just difficult to be with, but intolerable. 

This is all based on the assumption that your judgment, as a son/daughter is absolutely correct, and beyond any doubt based on true evaluation. The reason why I say this is because you might think your father is "dictatorial", but for the wrong reasons.

You might believe he is oppressing you because he doesn't allow you to go out with certain friends, or work in a certain field, or marry a certain individual. In these scenarios, or any other similar scenario, although you believe your father isnt being fair to you, it does not mean he is "dictatorial" or oppressing you. 

That's why circumstances would certainly be different, based on the case each family is in. 

Seeing that you have genuine requests, and legal requests, try to find other avenues of getting your father to cooperate and acknowledge your rights and your feelings. 

Maybe seek intervention, through family members, elders, family counselor, psychologist, and so on. 

You cannot just abandon your father, or disown him, but at the same time you cannot continue allowing your genuine requirements to be ignored. 

Ultimately, an effective tool is always for you to pray for him, and to pray for your situation. 

With prayers for your success.