What are the rights of the wife and the husband in Islam, and in what context should they be understood?
What is the spiritual understanding behind these laws?
All these rights that Islam has for man and woman, before marriage, are based on what a man is supposed to be and what a woman is supposed to be. In Islam, we actually have gender roles, which the world now wants to get rid of. We have - how a man must live his life and how a woman must live her life depending on the inner nature of that person.
Yes, the woman is made as the feminine and the man is made as the masculine. And there is supposed to be some feminine in men, and there is supposed to be masculine in women; but predominantly, the woman is supposed to be feminine and the man is supposed to be masculine. What do I mean by these two terms? I will explain as we go on.
First of all, we are speaking about marriage. Marriage, as we know, in Islam, we have Ibadaat and Muamalaat (that we had mentioned in Fiqh, remember?). Ibadaat is your own Ibadaah with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala - your worship, fasting, praying, Taqleed. Muamalaat is buying and selling. Marriage is under Muamalaat because of Nikah that is a contract between two people.
So, in the beginning with Islam, Fiqh-wise, that is why marriage is under Fiqh, under Nikah, under Muamalaat. Because it is between two people as a contract, you might think, what is going on? Is a man buying the woman here? No, this is a contract in its Fiqhi terms, Islamic law is based on this. And then, there are all the laws, all the rules and all the rights that the man and the woman would have - the husband, the wife would have.
And then, of course, you want to learn how to be the most pious of people and follow the tradition of Rasul Allah, we need Akhlaq, in that relationship. For the Akhlaq, there are also Mustahabbat that are mentioned in the Fiqh when it comes to marriage; there are, that seem pretty Akhlaqi; but a lot of the Akhlaq, as well, will be based on the Seerah and the narrations of the Masumeen, which we need as well, so we can get the full picture.
Otherwise, if you want to be like those people that look only to the Fiqh, and they say, look at Islam and how oppressive it is to women, then this is what we call a fallacy, like in Mantiq, when we mentioned the other day, in logic, someone is taking only part of the truth and they have told you, look what Islam is. They have disregarded the Akhlaq aspect, disregarded what the Prophet says about women and how the Prophet treated women and how the Imams treated women. And so, they come and they say that look, these are the two rights of man in a marriage which are controversial and this is why a woman is oppressed.
So, first of all, when the man is coming to marry the woman, we look at what the right of the woman is in Islam, in a marriage of the contract that is happening. The man has to be the one who goes to the woman in Islam. It is not bad or disliked if the woman approaches the man. But even if she did, like Khadija approached Rasul Allah, Rasul Allah is the one who has to go to her house. She did not come to Rasul Allah's house. Rasul Allah went to Sayyeda Khadija's house with Abu Talib, his uncle, and his uncle gave a little speech. You know the whole tulbeh? They did all of that. We are supposed to do that. That means, even if the woman comes to approach the man, she is the one who likes the man, it is the man that has to go to her.
And at that time, Abu Talib wanted to pay the Mahar, but Rasul Allah was poor, and so people were like, who is going to pay the Mahar? And Imam Ali was only like 9 or 10 years old, so he comes in and he says, "Abi". He was 5 years old, actually, he was 5 years old and he comes in and he says my dad is going to pay the Mahar. He is the one who just put his dad into that place and Abu Talib said, "Bi Abi Anta Wa Ummi," to Imam Ali.
So, it is the man that must go to the woman. That means the man is the one who has to chase in general. The woman is supposed to be prized. You know, you might feel like this is objectification and it is okay, you can say that. But, as uncliché as I want to sound, wallah, it is true - if she is seen as like someone that you have to earn their love and trust and relationship; that is why we have something called Kafa'ah or Kufw. Kufw means when someone is worth someone else; that is in Fiqh. In Fiqh, the man cannot approach the woman unless he is her Kufw.
So, we do not agree in Fiqhi terms if there is a princess, Islamically in Fiqh, she cannot get married to the pauper, unless she decides that, you know, I will go down to your level. But the princess cannot get married to the pauper in general, in the beginning. If she is living a certain lifestyle with her parents, when you come, you are supposed to be able to sustain that lifestyle, unless she allows you and says that it is okay, I will less my haqq, I will come down. It is okay, don't worry. So she is letting you off the hook.
If the girl has a servant in her home, the husband must provide a servant, because he has to let her live the same lifestyle that she lived in her family's house, unless she comes and says it is okay, I will do without a servant so haqqah, and she will allow you not to do that. These are all Haqq, these are Huqooq, this is Fiqh. I will tell you when I get into the spiritual aspect.
So far we are in Fiqh, which is very interesting. Why? As I just mentioned, how dry it can be, how it is all about rules, how it is not about what is with meaning necessarily. But no, when you start looking at the Ahkam based on the mahboobiyah and maglubiyah of Allah, and then you see that the man has to be the one to chase and impress and talk to the parents and convince them and all of that.
Then it comes down to her and she does not have to get married if she does not want to, even if her dad tells, you know, to get married, she does not have to; she is above 9 years old, she has wilaya over herself as well as her father having wilaya over her, they both have to agree. So if he agrees and she does not, they cannot get married. If she allows both of these things and she lets him off the hook and even Kafa'ah. By the way, that is why we say in the narrations, this is a part of the Akhlaqi side and you understand what Kufw means as well. We say that Sayeda az-Zahra, alayha assalam, there was only one person "Kufw" for her in the whole world and that was Ali Ibn Abi Talib [Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'aali Muhammad]. What does that mean? That is why they say if Imam Ali was not there, she could never get married. There was no one worth her.
So when there is someone coming and your father is looking at, he is looking at is this person Kufw or not? And by the way, if the person is not Kufw and your father disagrees, then it is his right to. Kufw would mean as well, that there is no one else around who is worth the girl. So this is the only person that comes. This person comes along and he is saying "I am Kufw" and he is not Kufw; he can claim Kafa'ah, but the father may not see the Kafa'ah in the person. Of course, everyone has to have the evidence, it is not just based on claims.
So Kufw is within Fiqh, it is used by the Marajah, it is in the Risalah al-Amaliyah. So it is something that is seen as a rule. It is a rule and it is for the woman it, is her right, that she, if she wants, can allow the man to approach her, even if he is not worthy of her, in Fiqhi terms. Tayyib. What happens when they get married? They have a contract and then there is Mahar that has to be paid, a dowry.
Now, it is always encouraged that the dowry is not too high, so that it does not place too much strain on the man. But this is Wajib on the man to pay as an insurance policy for the woman. Why? Again, the gender role of the man in Islam is the protector and the worker outside of the home. He is supposed to be the breadwinner and I will get to that right now.
So, the main thing the man has to, the main thing that he has to do with his wife, once she is his wife, is Wujoob al-Nafaqah; meaning, he has to sustain her, always. Sustain her financially, with food, with shelter, with clothes, with everything else. That is Wajib on the man to do, even if she is super-rich, even if she has millions of dollars, it does not matter. It is the man's job to get the house, he does not have to own it, but he has to at least provide a place in which she lives and it does not have to be with his parents. It is her right for or not to be with his parents.
She has a right to her own space where she can live, and food, and shelter and clothes are all supposed to be provided for her. She can work or not work, that is something else. She has money or no money, something else. This is the man's job, always.
The Nafaqah is the main right that the woman has, to sustain her financially once the marriage is done, after the dowry has been paid, whatever the dowry is that they agreed upon; these days, I do not know, $20,000, people are saying, $30,000, $50,000? I do not know. Some people just do a Qur'an. Some will do a Hajj. Some people do these kinds of things. Although I do recommend that there be money and an insurance policy for the woman so that, lasamah Allah [God forbid] , if there is a divorce, she has something to fall back on.
Even though now you guys are falling back on your degrees and everything else, in the olden times, there were these things and the man was the one who was the main breadwinner; and this is also why this is showing that this is based on the man being the breadwinner. But this does not change with the times. We know now that there are women out there and they are working, but Wujoob al-Nafaqah is still based on the man, because the man stays a man and woman stays a woman; this is not about the change of times.
There are some things that are Thabit and some things are Mutaghayyir. Some things change over time, but the dharooriyaat do not change over time. And it's a dharoorah for a woman to be a woman, and for a man to be a man. There is a masculine nature to a man that he must have and a feminine nature to a woman that she must have in Islamic terms and Islamic ideology and the Islamic worldview. Which is why the man also receives double [portion], the son receives double than the daughter in inheritance.
If you ask why does the boy receive double the woman's inheritance, that is the inheritance that is done without the Wasiyah and the will of the parent. So the parent can say I want to give my daughter everything and whatever is left over is divided and given double to the boy and a half or one to the girl. But aside from the Wasiyah and the will of the parent, if the parent dies without a will, whatever is left over, you get double for the son and only half of that for the woman, because it is seen that the man has to pay for this [Mahar] and the man has to be for this [Naqafah], whereas what the woman receives is hers.
So even if, for example, the wife, she had some money from inheritance, that is hers. She does not have to give that to the relationship. She can do whatever she wants with that. Her husband cannot claim that. But whatever the man receives as inheritance, he has to spend some of that on his wife and he is seen as the breadwinner.
So, this is why you cannot divorce the Islamic rulings from each other. When you come and you say, look at the inheritance laws, they are so oppressive, we say "Wait - you have to look at the entire landscape first because we see that it is Wajib on the man to pay for everything. It is not Wajib on the woman and Wajib on the man to pay for everything with his wife, not on the woman. So he needs more help. So he gets that from inheritance." So then it comes as a world view if you will, and all of this is based on happiness of the human being. That is what it is based on.
So, if you ask why all of this before everything else, and Allah loves it or does not love it? Allah loves for you to be happy, so He sets out a way for you to be happy and He says for you to be happy, to enjoy your life - this is the framework by which you must work in and this is how families are made. This helps the structure of the family, which creates society. When you destroy the gender role, then the family breaks down.
So you have two men adopting a kid that does not know what is going on anymore, that he wants to marry another man and then the society itself falls over and breaks apart and no one knows themselves anymore and then you fall into an identity crisis, not even on a personal level, but you do not even know what your gender is anymore. So you do not know what you're supposed to do anymore. You do not know who you are supposed to be; and then you have people that want to be crocodiles now, and reptiles and tattoos.
So it is all over the place; whereas Allah says, wait, there is a way I wish to do this, that you have a happy family and a happy father and a happy mother. And by the way, this is how you attract each other. Biologically speaking, a man, from what I usually understand of men, are not attracted to the woman that is looking around and telling everyone what to do, and has a stern voice, and she is the one who makes the orders, the man does not like that, biologically speaking, and the woman doesn't like [servile attitudes in men].
When the man is like this always, as much as you say women's rights and everything else, when the man is like that, you do not like it. You want the man to be there, protecting you. And, you know, as much as you want to say 'objectification', this is what you are attracted to. Yes, there may be individuals that are not attracted to these things anymore and I don't blame you because of everything that you're drilling into your heads with Netflix and everywhere else. Now, every show on Netflix has someone who is, you know, different. It is everywhere. So then am I on their side? Because all the good guys are like that now. So it confuses you. So this is something that we have to be aware of.
Sallu ala Muhammad wa ali Muhammad [Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'aali Muhammad].
So this is the right of the woman, of the wife, in marriage. Of course, men and women have different rights, several rights. But this is the right in Islamic law, in marriage. There are also Mustahibbat, but this is what is Wajib and what is interesting is, this is in Fiqh and it is Mustahab, you will find it in Sayyid Sistani's Risala, why I find it so interesting is because it is a Hokum [order]. When I find things like this that are Ahkam, I get so interested and so happy because I am like, this is not even just an Akhlaq term - this was seen as something important enough to make into a Hokum.
And so someone could see it, someone who does not know about divorcing the two. For example, a part of the Akhlaq of the wife here is, she can not just come and say to the husband "hey, give me what I want right now, you owe me." No, that is not how we deal with the husband. You know, he is having hard times. It is okay. I am patient with you. Like I said, it is your right to have a servant, but maybe you can not afford it, it is out of the Akhlaq of the woman to live a life where a husband can handle it. You see, this is when the Akhlaq comes in. So, the right of the woman was there, but then the Akhlaq is, you know, if you can not handle it, I support you right now. You know what? You do not have money, maybe I can help you out, I am working. That would be down to her, on her Akhlaq, whatever she wants.
And usually in a happy marriage that is expected and in a happy marriage where you two sacrifice for each other and you help each other, it is expected that, there are some rights that you do not have to exercise. If you want to exercise those rights, it becomes very unhappy. If she wants to exercise these rights, he gonna exercise his and it becomes a very unhappy marriage once you see what the rights of the husband are. However, when it comes to Akhlaq, then you have mawaddah, as the Quran describes the relationship between man and woman, mawaddah, this love between man and woman they become best friends and they become partners on the path to Allah, they really do, because then she teaches him femininity and he teaches her masculinity. And that is the way you know Allah, Subhana wa Ta'ala, because Allah's names are divided into masculine and feminine; and that comes into the Irfaan which we can talk about as well.
What I find very interesting in the Ahkaam part is that Sayyed Sistani and Sayyed Khoei in their Risalas, they say on the night of the wedding, it's mustahab, as a Hokum, to take the wife to the house and then the man has to clean the house with water all over the floors and then he brings his wife's feet and he washes her feet, and then he puts his hand on her forehead and recites a Du'a. And then they say the marriage is supposed to be consummated there. And look how it is. It's seen as something very spiritual. And actually, the du'a, the Imams in the narrations, they recommend times in which to do du'a. One of those times is when a man and woman [husband and wife] are together - when they sleep together, in that time, du'a is recommended. Du'a is speaking to Allah and someone might think, what?
Yes, because it's supposed to be a spiritual experience. The modern world has made it very dirty and people get addicted to the wrong things and very objectifying. In Islam, its not like that. In Islam it is actually one of the forms, people laugh when I say this, it's one of the greatest forms to know Allah Subhanahu wa Tala'a. You can cry in those moments. You are elevated if you do this properly and the Ahkam are there. The Ahkam are there - they're showing an introduction to this.
When we say Allah's names, they are divided into Jamaal and Jalaal. This Jamaal, is beauty; and this, Jalal, is Majesty and this [Jalaal] is the masculine and this [Jamaal] is the feminine. Allah is here [above both columns], these names, Asma' Allah. Obviously, these are just words and the reality of Allah, you can only point to it. Someone give me a name of Allah; [Students: Al- Jabbar, Al Rahmaan] all right, good, nice ones. So here al-Jabbar will be here [same column as Jalaal], the forceful one, it's a scary name, you should only use this name in times of great hardship.
Al-Rahman is here [same column as Jamaal]. Al-Rauf, Al-Kareem. Al-Salam is here [same column as Jamaal]. Al-Malik is here [same column as Jalaal], yes, Al-Qawi, yes. Shadid ul 'uqaab. Ghafooor ur-Raheem is here [same column as Jamaal]. Can you see the pattern? This is supposed to be feminine [Jamaal column] and it's supposed to be masculine [Jalaal column]. Allah's names are divided in this way and the woman is a manifestation of this [Jamaal column] and the man is a manifestation of this [Jalaal column].
And we all know this deep down, but we don't want to admit. Because when your mom calls you, when you're far away and she's like Habibi are you okay? What are you eating? Where are you sleeping? Are you cold or are you warm? And your dad calls you and has a short to-the-point conversation. Right? We all know that, we laugh at the stereotype, but we know it, and its true. Our biology tells us this and it's true.
I remember there was one girl who was telling me, no, it's not this way. Who said the woman has to be this way? And at my engagement, she was invited. And then I gave a little speech and she started crying and I said, wait, oh, why are you crying? Is this a woman thing? She said, "Don't start now on this please." But, I am just saying right? and I could not help myself, but this is real. We know this.
So what does that mean? How do we know Allah? Only when you have both. So marriage, marriage is the joining of both. Sallu ala Muhammad wa ali Muhammad [Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'aali Muhammad]. And when the husband and wife consummate their marriage that is knowing Allah, Subhanah wa Tala'a. Guys, one of the actions that you can do and I know that feels very foreign to your minds, but it's the truth and du'a is recommended in those times. And really it's incredible. And the Imams talk about how this is the greatest pleasure that a human being can feel. This is all from marriage. So we went from Fiqh right, trying to understand the Fiqh of it, to this [diagram about Allah's masculine and feminine attributes].
Why can then we not agree with two men marrying each other? One time, a lesbian Muslim sister came to me and she asked me, why don't we agree with it? And I said, look, as Muslims, what's the aim? The aim is to know Allah, that's my aim as a human being, Khalifat Allah. That's my aim. I get married to know Allah. The institution of marriage needs both the Jamaal and Jalaal. That's how I know Allah. If it's Jalaal plus Jalaal, then I can not know Allah. If it's Jamaal plus Jamaal, I cannot know Allah. Half of the names are missing from this relationship. And even though she's a lesbian, she's like, you know, that makes sense.
And this is, of course, the philosophical way of explaining it, the spiritual way of explaining it. In the Hokum we will be like this is Haram, and whoever does it, this, this, this. But in the spirtual way of explaining it, it is that you cannot know Allah in that way. You need your other half to know Allah because that's your purpose. So you need the inner nature of both. You need them, and we teach them to each other. And, that can of course, only happen through the Akhlaq as well as the Hokum.
The Hokum, you see, is the foundation of the relationship, the rights, the contract, all of those things. However, the Akhlaq of the relationship, is based on those two people and what they allow each other, what they don't allow each other, how to take it easy on each other, how they help each other, how they sacrifice their own rights for each other so that they may have a happy marriage. At the same time, though, it's important to live according to the Ahkam because you still want to be in line with what Allah, Subhanah wa Tala'a, has in store for the woman and the man in their marriage.
So it can't always be about the Akhlaq of the husband to allow me or the Akhlaq of the woman to say, you know, I'll let you go, you do not have to get me this. No, because as a man, this is expected of you. She might allow you this month, but you have to get your working boots on, man, because you can't keep allowing your wife to [take it easy on you], because then she's going to stop seeing you as a man. If she keeps disregarding her rights, she will lose respect for the man. But it's okay to help him in the beginning to get, you know, through the hard times.
Now, we are go into the rough part, because this is where the problems arise from when we just take it too far, everything has to be balanced, and we start saying that everything is disregarded and it just stops being an Islamic marriage. You still have to try to adhere to these things. It's important. What do I mean by this? Let me explain this. Now that you have the background, so here is the first Hokum: the first right of the husband is Tamkeen, which means that whenever the husband wants to sleep with his wife, she has to sleep with him - that's the first one.
And the second one is - Idn lil khurooj min al-manzil - she has to have his permission to leave the home. These are the two rights of the husband. This is what all the controversy is over, when it comes to marriage in Islam. Like what is this? You know, they have marital rape. They have the issue of what is, you can just lock her up. Of course, there are ways in which this doesn't occur, like when someone is oppressing - there are ways out of those; when the husband is oppressing or hitting her or anything else, which is haram, by the way. Question from student [inaudible]. For example, I'm staying at my friend's house right now. He's not home. Before he left, he's like, just do whatever you want. He just left. If I see some food, that's not my food. That's mulkul-ghayr in Islam, I'm not going to call him every single time when I want a chocolate bar. Right. Because it's almost as if it's a sharat dummi.
You know that when one person accepts you into their home, this is why Fiqh is seen as so interesting because it gives you a right to ask that question - thats how Fiqh operates. Sometimes I think that seems so obvious, but they explain them in Fiqhi terms, its very robotic. But that's not how people are supposed to be, you are not supposed to be a person who moves as a robot okay, but you're supposed to get these things cleared up, because sometimes, yes, it's important to go by the rules. So, for example, when you and your husband have an understanding and you guys have had this conversation, that's why communication is important, and he says you can leave the house whenever you want, except I don't want to go to this place, for example, or be home by this time; that becomes Wajib on you to be home by that time. You know, even when he doesn't want you out at night, that's his right.
Or if for example, the woman wants to work - by the way, in the contract, she can stipulate that I want to work, I want to continue my work, so that he can't say you have to stay home. That's allowed in the contract. The contract, before you go into anything just so that you can't change your mind now because it's Hokum now, maybe I don't trust your Akhlaq. Maybe you're looking really nice and Mickey Mouse to me right now, but maybe you're going to change afterwards, so I want to protect myself with the Fiqh and I want to bind you to Allah. So you have to promise Allah, not me, that you're not going to oppress me, for example, and tell me that I have to leave my work after we get married, for example, I want to say oppressed because she might think it as oppression; otherwise, Islam does not see that as oppression.
So this is a Shart [condition] that in the contract you can stipulate these things, okay, which is why you should be wise in the beginning, always have this discussion with your parents. Don't be shy. It's very important because you only have a contract once. There are people twenty, thirty years later they regret not putting a certain condition in contract. The man can also put a condition, you see.
[Question from student: How about it was orally and not written in the contract?] Then no one can prove it- then you can't bring a bayyinah. Yes, between them and Allah. But the problem with that would be that if they disagree on it, how can they prove anything? They'll go to the Mujtahid or the judge or they go to Hakim Shara'i, and he'll be like, okay, bring the evidence. I don't have evidence. I can't help you. So, you cannot; but at the same time, what did I say? That we have to be able to, as much as we can, adhere to these rights because they're there for a reason, that Allah has put them there in that way, because He says this is what the man expects to make him happy and this is what the woman expects to make her happy.
It doesn't mean that one is a gold digger and a man is an addict. Doesn't mean that. We know men, okay, and we know women. And there's a reason why even in Western stereotypes, they have these things. But we are not saying that this is what they're supposed to be; but Allah is saying for the marriage to work, this is what it has to be based on, okay. So, for example, with this [pointing to tamkeen], it's very unwise for a man to just order - unwise.
And if you look at the narrations and how the Imams and the Prophets speak about this, they say that you shouldn't just go, you know, do what you want and then leave. There has to be an introduction and she has to receive pleasure from it and it has to be for both of you, because if you want to just be based on this, you think it's a man's thing and khalas, it's not and you'd be surprised, 80 percent, I would say, of the marriage problems that I get and the natijahs [issues] I get are based on this [pointing to tamkeen].
And as soon as they fix this, you'll be so surprised how well the marriage goes. Wallah. It doesn't mean we're dirty creatures or anything like that. This is, this is a ghareezah. And if you can't be like this with your own partner and then you have to hold yourself when it comes to the rest of the world, how are you going to live? How are you going to be happy? How do you get to Allah? You can't! Then you can get addicted to things on the Internet and you look at places where you shouldn't look. Right. So this is why it's important. By the way, if you take this Dars [course]. Usually, the way they give this Dars, it's not going to have all these different reasons as to what I introduced. We just take it,abdu.
But the reason why I'm explaining every little thing is that you can see that the worldview is being formed in a structure, and I really want you to challenge me if you disagree. That's how we're going to grow. If you disagree with any of this, it is okay, do not feel intimidated or anything else. Like I said, it's me and you versus the problem. We're trying to find a way and solution. So if there is an issue, please be my guest to talk about it. But this is overall the rights, if you will, of the husband and the wife.
Washab Maruf is Wajib on him. Muashara Bil Maruf means the way in which a husband is supposed to treat a woman. You're not supposed to say you can't go visit the family. You can't go visit mom and dad. So that may come under the adaabal ma'sher bil maruf for silatal rahm and she can have that and go and visit her mum and dad, for example. There are loads of ways in which she describes it, people always ask the same kind of questions.
Hal yajuz lil-zawjah antasi zawjaha? Can she disobey him? He says: al-wajib ala zawjah an la ta'sis zawj fi amrayn faqad, it's only wajib on her to obey him in only two things, al-tamkeen, wa khurooj min al-bayt; everything else is not part of that. So wa am asa'ir al-umoor, they have to respect each other and discuss all the other issues. I don't want you to wear high heels, but I like high heels; well, you have to discuss this between each other.
At the same time when the woman, for example, is going out with zeenah, she, you know, wants to go out without a headscarf, for example, or anything else, she wants to put makeup or anything else; then, in Akhlaqi terms, there are narrations that the Angels, are doing La'an, not on her, guess on who? On her husband. Because you know what the angels are saying? You're not a real man basically, she does not listen to you, you cannot do anything so "bi l'anu huwa" [they do la'an to him], which means there's encouragement for the husband to help her on this path.
Everyone is on different levels. Right. So you can't think that everyone is on the same level. Maybe someone is wearing scarf, if they want to wear a scarf, maybe someone is wearing a scarf, but they wear a tight clothes. Maybe someone doesn't wear tight clothes, but they wear makeup okay, whatever level the wife is on, for example, the husband can help her, na'am ukhti.[Question]. Yes, if she doesn't listen, she can just not listen and then [public speaking] hiyah la ta ta'aqab, al-a'qab is on her, of course [public speaking]. This is an Akhlaqi thing. You see, the angels are still doing all the la'an on the man, so he has to get divorced ASAP.
Really, if she's not listening, then you have to divorce her. There's no other way around it. Otherwise, it's going to be in everything with your kids, with everything else. I know people don't want to agree to that, but for me in my life, this would be the case straight away. You know, I wouldn't even think twice, which is why Insha'Allah it will never happen.
[Comment from student] Yes, Ahsant, I believe that's the narration, Ahsant, Ahsant, yes, Ahsant. But still, this will be a'iq between him and Allah. A wife like this is a huge test. You know, if she's making trouble for the man in this way, his reputation, his children, everything else will be lost. The woman is the center of the family. So that's why she's the target right now. And as soon as the woman's mind is changed on what she's supposed to be in life, the husband can't do anything. Neither can the kids, and then the whole ideology of a religion, because it's not only Islam is going through this. Catholic Christians are also going through this. The traditionalist religions and people of religion of the last thousands of years and the way in which society has been run is this way.
So what's happening right now in the last 50, 60 years is very new. SubhanAllah, Rasul Allah said it's going to happen, he told his companions, "Shall I tell you of a day in which good becomes bad and bad becomes good?" And they are like, 'Is it going to happen ya Rasul Allah?' He's like, no, even more "shall I tell you of when...." And he keeps going and going. When you read this narration right now, InshaAllah I'll get it for you next week, you're astounded because it's all happening right now. And this has to be Aakhir az-Zaman, what's happening right now. We're in the beginning of it.
And soon, as the Prophet said "Islam came as a stranger, it's going to leave as a stranger, so blessed be the strangers." And those who want to hold onto their religion, at the end of times, it's like holding on to hot coal. You cannot keep holding onto it. However, when we come towards this type of knowledge, because I don't expect honestly everyone here to have accepted everything that I just mentioned.
And I don't want you to, I want you to be challenged and think this over. And I want you to ask your questions. That's the only way that these things are going to grow with you. That's the only way. So, when you come to these things with maturity and you think it through, because this makes you think about society; it's not just about one person. You start thinking , tayyib, society and families and life and the mission of a human being, what's supposed to be. You have to start from that, because if you don't start from knowing Allah, then everything else doesn't make sense.
It starts from knowing Allah. And how do we know Him? These are the ways and, and there is certain behavior that we must adhere to, etc., etc. And you have to come with an open heart and open mind and humility. I keep saying humility, sincerity and patience because it takes a lot of time and you have to be humble because there are some things that you don't get and you have to be so sincere because you would want the truth, not only to disprove people - that when someone shows you evidence, you change your mind. It's not about your ego, for example.
Oh, by the way, there's just one thing that I wanted to mention and I didn't mention; I'm going to get to history right after this, okay? You know, how we said Wujoob al-Nafaqah? Something so interesting that I just recently found out. And that's why I want to share it with you. There are also different forms of Wujoob al-Nafaqah. There's Nafaqah for your Zawja [wife]. There's Nafaqah for the Aqaarib, so your parents or your children. So if your parent is poor or your child is poor, it's Wajib on you to take care of them, you know, as long as they need. And the third one is Nafaqat ul-Mulk; if there's something that you own that is living, it's Wajib on you to give Nafaqah to it, to sustain it financially.
That means animals, if you have pets, they have a right on you in Fiqhi terms, the cat, the dog - it is not Haraam, but it causes a lot of Najasah problems, the dog or anything else; if you have cattle or anything else, either you must slaughter them to feed people or you must take care of them. If you don't, it's Haram fi 'iqab. And this was written in which book? Not Risala Amaliyah, I found this in a seven hundred year old book from Shaheed al-Awal from Shaheed al-Thani, you know, Al-Luma al-Dimashqiyyah [Muhammad b. Makki, Shahid al-Awwal].
So, Shaheed al-Thani [Muhammad b. Makki, Shahid al-Awwal] Then writes, which I found so amazing, is Wujoob al-Nafaqah 'ala 'l-Nabatat - on nature and your plants. It's Wajib to take care of your plants and trees, if you own them. If you have a backyard and you have plants, it is Wajib to water them because they're living. So you get punished if you don't water them. So Subhana Allah; by the way, this is an opinion.
Then there is another opinion that you don't have to do it. But I like the first opinion. I was like, this is so beautiful. And when it comes to nature, if you own nature, animals was one thing, okay; but plants, you know, trees, you have to take care of trees if you own them. So all these rainforests out there burning down, you know, that's against Islam, according to this opinion, that we are supposed to be taking care of these things if we own them, it's Wujoob al-Nafaqah.