Islam Wants You To Be Intimate

Sometimes there are people who are married to each other, the husband sitting at home, no conversation, no companionship. The Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him and his family made it clear, 'The right of your wife is that you engage in dialogue with her. An hour of dialogue with your wife is greater than a whole night's worship in my mosque in Madinah.' How many of us want to go to the mosque of the prophet peace be upon him and his family in Madinah? Many of us. He says an hour of dialogue with your wife, notice he says an hour, because a bit more than that could be a headache. But he says an hour of dialogue with your wife, it is greater than what? It is greater than a night of worship. Do not come and worship a whole night in my mosque when you have not honored your wife in terms of her rights.

So the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him made it clear. And I think what happens is there are husbands [who] take their wife for granted, or there are husbands with no romantic side to the relationship. Sometimes when you have a kid or two, you can go into a real rut. Where what happens is that you do not go on a holiday, the two of you alone anymore rather it is always with the kids, which is great. But when is your own time? When are you two going to be having your own time? And at the same time your own time can sometimes bring a buzz back into the sexual part of your life.

Because if both of you are going to bed every night in a relationship where you have sat down and you have watched on television but there is not really any sex in your life that is going to have a major problem. Now to have that sex buzz come back, a number of factors can be involved. Number one, the husband looking after themselves. And with some of the food we eat in our mosques. But we will come to that in the next show on the rights of the stomach.

On Monday inshAllah.

So you have got the husband looking after themselves because husbands are always telling the wives why you not like when I married you? Have you seen yourself? Have you looked after yourself?

Secondly, sometimes let us not just blame the husbands. Sometimes there are ladies who the smallest thing, that is it! I do not want to be with you anymore. Or sometimes can forget themselves. And I am sorry to say that, but when you started off you are a size good and now you are a size Mitchelin tyres. And so we do not want to go to that level, go to a level where a person remains trim.

Our parents and grandparents' generation did not get to see many girls. Our dad sees our mum alhamdu Allahi Rabbil 'Aalamin and move on. Whereas in this generation people are watching films, programs that there is a certain level now of expectation. And sometimes the mind will wander when there is no attention being paid, especially if the man has lost their chivalry. And that is fundamental also when it comes to if a woman feels that her man is jealous over her for there is a firmness in the man. Because what are we looking for? We're looking for opposites. I'm a man. I'm looking for that feminine softness in my wife. My wife being a woman. She's looking for the leadership and dominance there. Strength, some strength. If that is not there, then the ladies look at you, okay well he is a nice guy, but there's no oomph.

Even with some of the men sometimes it is not about maybe how much sex you are having, but just paying that attention. You look great today. A little text message. I love you, a little flirtatious line. All of these have a bearing on ensuring that the mind does not wander elsewhere.

Doctor, you were saying how important it is for man and wife have sexual relations. And I have read somewhere when it comes ahkam [legal rulings] that if a man is distant from his wife for more than four months, their marriage is nullified. Is this true?

This is a myth, a common myth, actually, in our communities, that if a husband and wife do not have sex for four months, then automatically it is divorce. No, not at all. But certainly the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him and his family, you will find traditions from them that it should never be that period of four months of no sex. That four months is given to us as a boundary. Within those four months, there should have been made time for sexual desires to be fulfilled.

And let us not say the male sexual desires. You see many men who is having sex with his wife as soon as he is happy, just moves away, does not think, has my wife being pleasured, is my wife pleased with me? And, you know, sometimes what I think it is, sometimes the men and the women in the Muslim world do not know what is allowed for them, what is not. Big problem!

Is this Halal, or is it not? Nobody knows. And so there are certain marriages, believe you me, where the sexual life of the husband and the wife, if they have had sex in two positions over those years, they have done, that is good for them. Yeah. And this is sad that people do not know about foreplay, about the different pleasures that you are able to have sexually.

You know, this brings a smile. I do not care what anyone says. You want a new car and you want an extension to that house and you want some new gift. So a way to get to the guy and a way to get to the girl. Now, the way to get the girl could be a few diamonds and the way to get to the guy... Islam has allowed, but I do not think many of our people know what is allowed, what is not.

So would you care to discuss a little bit about what is allowed and what is not allowed?

Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi, resident, the mawlana of the Ja'fari community in Toronto, has a fantastic book, 'Marriage and Morals.' It is available online. Marriage and Morals is a fantastic book which I would recommend to anyone who is, in their teenage years, who wants to know about the discussions of the Imams of Ahlul Bayt 'alayhim as-salaam when it comes to sex.

Now, someone would think Imam al-Sadiq 'alayhi as-salam discusses sex? Imam al-Kadhim 'alayhi as-salam discusses sex? The Imams of Ahlul Bayt did not leave a single area of this world without discussing it. A single issue in one's life without discussing it. That is why they are the beacons of knowledge.

So were sexual positions discussed? Were things like oral play..

Yes, I will give you an example.

oral play or kissing on private areas?

People asked the question, a man is able to satisfy his wife orally. Someone asked Imam al-Kadhim 'alayhi as-salaam a question. He asked him, "Can I kiss the vagina of my wife?"

And that was explicitly mentioned.

Explicit! Our cultures are narrowminded. We do not discuss these things. Our religion is open-minded. Now someone has to ask the question, are we going to follow culture or we follow religion? Our culture has forgotten the key elements of the discussions of the Ahlu Bayt and has now brought up innovations which we do not know about.

Imam al-Kadhim 'alayhi as-salam is asked the question, "can a person kiss his wife's vagina? Is this method of sex or foreplay allowed?" He said, 'yes, there is no issue.' Believe you me. There are Muslim men out there who probably have never, with their wives, ever done anything like this. And there are Muslim women out there who, I guarantee you, either thought, this is not allowed, or prevent their men from doing this and then later complain why the sex is not good.

One example then, is a woman allowed to, for example, kiss the private part of the man? This is a question and when we ask these questions, I know that it reminds us, me and you of a couple of stories of emails we receive on this show where people asked us this and you find it difficult to reply back to those emails by saying, yes, this particular act is allowed because sometimes the phrasing is very interesting.

Can the woman do it? What do you mean, can the woman do it? If you are not having that in your marriage, that is one boring bedroom. And even you are saying boring bedroom, I think you should take it further. Not just the bedroom. Why is everything confined to the bedroom? So I say, well, there is kids in the house and so on. Again, there is this boring attitude, which is, we go upstairs, room, this okay, sleep, ghusl, go back.

So the Ahlul Bayt 'alayhi as-salam, make it clear there is a messenger between the husband and wife. And that is called foreplay.


Foreplay. A person using their hands and their fingers with their wives, that is allowed. Kissing the vagina, allowed. Kissing the private organ of the man, allowed. All of these are allowed. I am not saying they are allowed. Imam al-Sadiq 'alayhi as-salam has discussed them.