What Islam Wants You To Achieve From Marriage?
Why marriage? Why so much emphasis? What is the secret of marriage? What is the benefit of marriage? So you need to know, and you the one who is aspiring to get married get these benefits and objectives on your fingertips. And those of us who are married, let us go and ask ourselves whether we have achieved or not.
First benefit is to hold the hand of each other to Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala. Through my marriage, I need to know Allah and get closer to Him. You see, today the moment youth get married they hardly go to mosque. This is really disturbing. It disturbs me as a youth. Wa Allahi, because I contract so many marriages in a year, maybe 50 more. It is disturbing. So that made me to understand no, people have not yet understood what marriage is all about in Islam.
If I am weak in my 'Ibadah and I get married, that marriage should take me to Allah. But we married, what is in our mind? Only outing, outing, outing. Where do we go for holidays this time. You will never hear them planning when are we going to start going to the mosque, every day or every Friday. You will not see people discussing that. You will not see people discussing which book are we have to read in this month as family. You will not see families talking about now how many verses of Qur'an do we have to understand the Tafsir.
No, no, no! Where are we going for holidays this summer? Where are we going? Last week we went to this restaurant, this coming week...These are trivial issues. These are secondary issues- 'umur thanawyi, umur i'tibaari mu umur haqiqi'- secondary issues not the real issues.' So therefore, number one marriage has to take me to Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala.
Hence you find the riwayah (tradition) of Amir al-Mu'minin and Bibi Fatimah al-Zahra. When Imam Amir got to marry to Bibi Fatimah alayha as-salam, Rasul Allah visited Amir ul-Mu'minin and he asks him how is your wife? What did Imam 'Ali say? 'Ni'ma al -awni 'ala at-ta'ah'. Allahu Akbar. 'Ni'ma al -awn 'ala at-ta'ah' - 'Blessed be on an assistant to be obedient to Allah.' Meaning? Fatimat al-Zahra 'alayha as-salam in that one night, she was a great pillar of assistance to Amir ul-Mu'minin to be more obedient to Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala. That's number 1. That is why we get married.
Because I know I am weak. I may not be able to wake up for Fajr Salah. I may be lazy for my Salah, but I know my wife will remind me. I may be lazy in wearing my hijab. I know my husband will remind me to. Today husbands tell their wife, I do not want you to wear that hijab, do not go out on it. I want you to look presentable. So it means you have not understood Islamic teachings and principles about marriage. That is number one.
Number two: philosophy and benefit of marriage. It's al-itminan wa al-sukun an-nafsi. Inner peace and Tranquility. Because you see when you are alone. Alone and I know brothers who are sitting here and sisters who are alone, they know what I am going to talk about. Because I am also from there, I have been alone sometime back, not anymore. InshaAllah. When you are alone, there are things sometimes you want to confide with someone. You look at here- my father, my mom, my sister, okay, these are very close to me. Can I confide with them? No. Why? Because when the time is up, I will go to my bed alone, they will all go to their beds.
The only one is your wife and your husband. Because all these people sitting next you. Fine, if you have friends, they hug you, they spend their whole life with you. Later on everybody will go. Oh no! the same house with your father and mom. This one will go to his bed, that one will go to his room that way.
So therefore, when Islam says which is Qur'an, the second philosophy of marriage is to give you inner peace and tranquility, because whenever you have as a problem either occupational stress or social stress or political stress, or sometimes religious stress although I do not believe in that type of a stress. When you get back home to your wife and your husband, the moment you start confiding with the person, you find peace.
That is one pillar of marriage. You are able to confide with her. What you cannot even confide with your father or your mom. There are things you cannot just tell your father and things that you cannot just tell your mom or even your sister no matter how closer you are to one another. But to your wife it is easy.
So therefore, Qur'an in Surat ur-Rum- "li taskunu ilayhaa" (30:21) -"so that you dwell in them, so that you obtain peace and tranquility." So that is the second philosophy of marriage. It brings peace, it brings tranquility, it brings comfort, it makes you live your life in ease, no stress. Whoever is married and is stressed, then there is something wrong in that marriage, I guarantee you. Wa Allahi, marriage with stress then it is not a proper marriage, there is something wrong with that. You cannot be married and you are worried again. That is number two benefit of marriage.
Number three- Secret of marriage: Sense of Responsibility. You see, if you are alone, you may think you are very responsible. But ask those who are married. It is a great deal of responsibility and I am not talking of only monetary responsibility. How to make marriage work better? The wife is thinking about it. The husband is thinking about it. What do I do to make him happy? What do I do to make her happy? It is a sense of responsibility. And when you come to the monetary field also when I have money, before I spend, I think twice. So marriage brings about sense of responsibility. Of course, when children are there, that is a different ball game.
But the two of you... Now you are alone, you think I am very responsible, I am working, I am saving my money, I plan my year. Lovely, excellently. No! Ask those who are married, they will tell you, that sense of responsibility within marriage you cannot find it anywhere. So the third benefit is that there is a sense of responsibility.
The fourth secret and benefit of marriage is what? It brings order in the community. Things are not done or handled haphazardly, in chaotic way. Therefore, Rasul Allah mentioned, but I am not saying all those who are not married are like that: "shirarukum 'uzzabukum"-"The worst of you are those who are single." Of course, not every single, because there are those who are married, those who are Allahu Akbar, they are Sharririn, they are the worst. But then it brings order in the community. Things are placed in order because there is marriage, he is married, she is married. And the young ones are looking up to them. They are their role models, they see them loving, caring, friendly in their marital relationship. They are also expecting to get married.
And the fourth benefit of marriage, brothers and sisters. Allah mentioned in the Qur'an. "wa ja'ala baynakum mawaddatan wa rahmah" (30:21) (And He has placed between you compassion and mercy.) Naturally, Insan (human), you need someone to love you. Naturally. You cannot just stay, you say I live my life whether somebody loves you or not. You need somebody to love you here and there. And there is no better person to do that than your wife and husband. I promise you. As Allah said, "wa ja'ala baynakum mawaddatan wa rahmah".(30:21)
Father, you love me, I know. Mom, you love me so much, I know. But my wife, my husband, it is a different ball game. So that 'mawaddah' it comes in marriage and of course to Ahlul Bayt 'alayhum as-salam, as Qur'an mentions, "Qul la asalukum ajran illa al-mawaddata fi 'l-qurbah" (42:23)("Say: I do not ask of you any reward for it but love for my near relatives").
You need somebody to love you and to demonstrate that love to you alone with you and you need to show that again. Naturally, we need that. You need a heart that you know when you pour something, it stays there. That is Mawaddah.
And then the last one, the fifth one is-Rahmah. Mawaddah- two sided, I need it, she needs it. But later on in the marriage there may be not be Mawaddah, it may be Rahmah. What is Rahmah? One person is not doing well, but the other person is handling the person. He is not losing his or her cool. He is at fault, but I will not say because of his fault, I am going to reject him and throw him. She is at fault, i am not going to say because of her fault, I am going to throw her. I hold her, I keep her, she is my wife, no problem. These are the benefit of marriage.
And then of course another one Qur'an mentions, "hunna libasun lakum wa antum libasun lahunna"- (2:187) is another benefit of marriage- 'They are your garments and you are their garments.' What does it mean? They are your protective measure and you are their protective measure. That is the benefit of marriage. Wherever you are, you represent your wife. Wherever she is, she represents you. She is overprotective of you and if you are wrong, later on, when you are alone, she is able to tell you. It is the benefit of marriage.
In other words, you need somebody to plan your life with. You need somebody to hold each other's hands and plan it together and build civilization. Like the way Fatimah al-Zahra built civilization and today all of us are benefiting from the civilization established by Fatimah al-Zahra and Amir al-Mu'minin.