Matam

Mätam, the term used in South Asia for the act of self-flagellation during the Shia remembrance of Muharram. Ma'tam (مأتم), a Shia congregation hall in Bahrain, known as a Hussainia or Imambargah elsewhere.

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 3 weeks ago

Wearing black is a sign of mourning and grief on tragedies of the Prophet (SAWA) and his Progeny Ahlul Bayt (AS).

The Prophet Muhammad (SAWA) himself did wear black as you can read in Saheeh Muslim (Hadeeth number 1359).

Those believers who love the Prophet (SAWA) and his Progeny (As) feel sad on remembering their tragedies hence they wear black to express their noble feelings.

Wassalam.

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 month ago

Maatam (Beating chest) is a human action to reflect grief and sadness. It is been practiced by millions of people when they face or remember a sad incident. It was practiced by Muslims during the life of the Prophet Muhammad (SAWA) when they came to know about the injury of the Prophet (SAWA) in the battle of Ohod. Ayisha daughter of Abu Bakr did Maatam when the Prophet passed away. (Musnad Abi &A’la Al-Moosili, Volume 8, page 63) Hadeeth number 4586.

Wassalam.

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 8 months ago

Matam is an expression of grief and sadness which is used by human beings in different societies in different ways. The Prophet Muhammad ((SAWA) after the battle of Uhud, encouraged Muslims to mourn on the martyrdom of his uncle Hamza when many Muslims were mourning their own martyrs by telling them : Why my uncle Hamza has no mourners? وعمّي حمزة لا بواكي له ؟ Musnad Ahmad Ibn Hanbal , Hadeeth number 4742 and Al-Mustadral Ala Al-Saheehain; Hadeeth 1407, and Al-Mu'jam Al-Kabeer by Al-Tabarani; 11/310 , and Al-Tabaqaat Al-Khubra by Ibn Sa'ad; 2/44, and Tareekh Al-Tabari; 2/210.

'Matam was also done by Ayisha and Muslim women when the Prophet passed away. Musnad Ahmad ibn Hanbal , Hadeeth number 25144 and Dalaa'il Al-Nubowwah by Al-Bayhaqi (Al-Eltudaam (Beating the chest)).and Al-Tabaqaat Al-Khubra by ibn Sa'ad 2/261 and Tareekh Al-Tabari; 2/441 and Ibn Al-Atheer in Al-Bidayah Wal-Nihayah.

'Ahlul Bayt (AS) did Matam on Imam Husain (AS) as we read in Ziyarat Al-Naahiyah Al-Moqaddasa narrated from Imam Al-Mahdi (AS). لاطمات الصور

Wassalam.

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 year ago

Our great Fuqahaa' who are the very high in Fiqh (Jurisprudence) do not issue any verdict of Haraam  (not allowed) unless they have concrete evidence against it in Quran and Sunnah of the Ma'soomeen. There are many ways to express sadness and grief of the tragedies of Ahlul Bayt (AS) including beating the chest which called (Matam) in some countries and beating the back with chains which is called Zanjeer in some countries. Both are permissible to express the noble feeling of sadness and grief on Ahlul Bayt (AS). Having said that, we are not allowed to cause dangerous harm to ourselves which means that we must keep the limits of our mourning practices away from causing dangerous harm to ourselves.

Wassalam.

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 year ago

Beating the chest is an expression of sadness and grief used by human beings in many societies including Muslims. Ayisha daughter of Abu Bakr did the same when her father died as you can see in Sunni books e.g. Fat-h al-Baari bishar-h Saheeh al-Bukhari by Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani, V.6,  P. 225.

Muslims did beat their chests on the demise of the Prophet Muhammad (SAWA) including Aiysha and other Muslim women as she said herself.( Musnad Abi Ya'la al-Mousili , V.8, P. 63.),

Same was done by those who love Ameerul Mo'minnen and other Infallible Imams on their demises. Those who do not have real love for Ahlul Bayt (AS) do not feel sad for the tragedies of Ahlul Bayt (AS) hence do not understand why lovers of Ahlul Bayt (AS) do that. It is in fact an expression of noble feeling of sadness and grief for the tragedies of the Prophet (SAWA) and his Holy Progeny Ahlul Bayt (AS). 

We can not help those who do have such feeling for the Prophet (SAWA) and Ahlul Bayt (AS).

Wassalam.

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 year ago

Beating the chest is a way to express grief and sadness among millions of human beings in different parts of the world. A'ysha daughter of Abu Bakr did beat her chest when her father died. (Fath Al-Baari Fi Sharh Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Hadeeth 2420).

 Lovers of Ahlul Bayt (AS) love Imam Husain (AS) more than their love to their own families and children, and feel very sad when they remember the tragedies which took place in Karbala and other places. That is why they beat their chest to express their noble feelings of sadness on Imam Husain (AS).

Islam gives everyone his full right to express his feelings in the way suitable to him as far as it does not include a sinful act. No one can drink alcohol to express his sadness on any matter because it is a sinful to drink alcohol. Beating chest is never a sinful, and it becomes a noble act when it is to express noble feelings for the Most Noble persons who are Ahlul Bayt (AS).

Wassalam.

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 2 years ago

My view is that this is a difficult debate to win. Usually, for Shi'i-Sunni issues, there is an attempt to "prove" that certain practices are or are not acceptable according to certain standards (such as certain texts). (The same is true if one is discussing between Shi'is and people who are not Muslims, or between Shi'is.) However, most people have their own preconceived ideas about what is acceptable.

Rather than taking this approach, in my view, it is better to promote a spirit of diversity and tolerance - an acceptance that different Muslims have different practices and ways that they live their faith, and this is one of them. That is, encouraging mutual respect for differences rather than trying to argue it theoretically. In general, I feel that these arguments come up due to a lack of tolerance in some streams of contemporary Muslim thought, and that lack of tolerance of diversity is our real problem, which manifests in different ways.

Other people think differently and consider it to be very important to argue these things textually and may provide a set of hadith to "prove" that matam is acceptable. You can find those arguments online easily if you search. In my view, they don't do the job wholly, because they are about spontaneous events that happened rather than an institutionalized, regular ritual practice, but nonetheless they can be useful in defusing tension if an appeal to tolerance and respect doesn't work. 

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answer updated 4 years ago

The main point is that you believe and feel grief for Imam Husain (AS). It is a condition for every believer to love the Prophet (SAWA) and his Holy Progeny Ahlul Bayt (AS) more than loving himself and his own family.

The way how to express this noble feeling of grief and sadness depends on you and your culture but it must be within the frame of Islamic rules

You were brought up in USA, so you may not be familiar with the Matam practiced by your brothers in faith who came from the Indian sub continent or other countries. You wrote that you felt wrong on seeing them. This feeling does not make you away from following Ahlul Bayt (AS) as far as you believe in Ahlul Bayt (AS) being the Most pious leaders of Islam after the Prophet Muhammad (SAWA) and you feel grief for their tragedies.

Islam as the religion for all human beings, gives all of them the choice to express their feelings according to their own different cultures and ways as far as it remains in the frame of Shariah.

Wassalam.

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 4 years ago

Yes, you can still be considered a true follower of Ahl al-Bayt if you do not take part in matam or public mourning ceremonies. These things are optional. The most important things are (a) inner belief (i.e. belief in the theology taught by Ahl al-Bayt as well as belief in their authority), and (b) following them in your outer actions to the best of your ability (acts of worship, how you treat others, how you live, etc).

Of course, as you are likely aware, one of the things that is mentioned in hadith is that the followers of Ahl al-Bayt feel happy at their times of happiness and sad in their times of sadness; that is, there is a sort of empathy or emotional link. Since you say you feel grief, this is already there; I am just mentioning it so it is not neglected.

I agree that sometimes people from more reserved cultures are uncomfortable with matam ceremonies. This is particularly the case if someone grew up with the tacit message that expressions of emotion are socially unacceptable, unmanly, weak, undignified, etc, or if someone was punished for them.

Sometimes people from a Sunni background are also uncomfortable at these gatherings (even if they come from emotionally expressive cultures).

However, even if you choose not to participate in these activities, it is good to acknowledge and respect that many other Shi'is do and this is the way they express their emotions and loyalty towards Ahl al-Bayt. That is, it is better simply to acknowledge that it is one's personal preference not to attend, rather than to try to make a blanket statement that it is wrong for others to do so. There is a strong spiritual component to these gatherings (although I could understand that this might not be felt if one is feeling shock instead), and they do function to forge a link between the individual and the teachings of Ahl al-Bayt that can come into play in other life circumstances.  

To some degree, you will miss out on a sense of community spirit, belonging, or shared experience by not participating in these activities, because they are so widespread, but this is a different issue. 

Also, this may or may not be of interest, but if you do look around at world religions, there are actually a lot of religions that have ritual or spiritual acts which involve a sort of emotional/intellectual abandon or self-harm. (For instance, speaking in tongues or nailing one's self to a cross) What makes these things "safe" ways of exploring or expressing one's spirituality is that they are controlled and there are unwritten rules about what is and is not acceptable, and when. For instance, someone walking down the street randomly doing matam would be seen as mentally unstable, but someone doing it in a ritual setting at the appropriate time would be seen as normal. Also this is similar for a some Sufi practices. This is more of a comparative religious studies perspective, but I just thought I'd put it out there.

Anyway, back to the main question, here are some hadith (which you may have already read!) about what constitutes a true follower of Ahl al-Bayt:
 

Imam al-Hasan (a.s.) said in answer to a man who said to him, ‘Verily I am one of your Shi’ah’, ‘O ‘Aabdallah, if you are truly obedient to us in our commands and prohibitions, then you are telling the truth. But if not, then do not add to your sins by falsely claiming such a dignified position that you are not worthy of. Do not say, ‘I am one of your Shi’ah’, but say rather, ‘I am one of your adherents and one of your lovers and an enemy to your enemies.’ You are [doing] good and aiming towards good.’[Tanbih al-Khawatir, v. 2, p. 106]

Imam al-Baqir (a.s.) said, ‘Our Shi’ah are none other than those who are consciously wary of their duty to Allah and obey Him. They are known solely for their humbleness, their humility, their returning promptly whatever is entrusted in their care and their Abundant remembrance of Allah.’[Tuhaf al-’Uqul, p. 295]

Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘Verily the Shi’ah of Ali were those who restrained their stomachs and their sexual desires, who struggled and fought intensely, who worked hard for their Creator, who hoped for His reward and feared His punishment. If you have seen such people, then they are the very Shi’ah of Ja’afar.’[al-Kafi, v. 2, p. 233, no. 9]

Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘Test our Shi’ah with regard to three things: the prayer times to see how well they observe them, their secrets to see how well they guard them from our enemies, and their wealth to see how they help out their fellow brothers with it.’[Bihar al-Anwar, v. 83, p. 22, no. 40]

Anyway, I hope you are able to find a way to sort out the unease you are feeling.