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Community Building, Part 7

Mohammad Ali Shomali

This series is based on a nine-session course conducted by the author on Community Building at the Islamic Centre of England in London in 2009.

Abstract: Having a shared identity that works towards a collective cause is vital for a healthy community, and in doing so, a community must share specific qualities to be successful. This series of papers offers a glimpse into the importance of community-building and Prophet Muhammad's efforts to implement it. Character traits such as truthfulness, trustworthiness, justice, and unity were illustrated. The previous article touched upon our relationship with God, love for His creation, acting as a channel for God's mercy in our daily lives in doing charitable work, and caring for the ill in an Islamic community. This article expands on two topics:

1) our love for God's creation as that which extends to non­human beings, such as animals, plants, and natural resources, and

2) and the importance of marriage and family life in the formation of a stable Islamic community.

In the previous part, we covered the principle of charity and loving Allah's creatures, because we, as Muslims, love God and should also love His people. However, our love should not be exclusive to human beings because we should also love non-human beings, for example, animals, plants and natural resources.

Love And Care For Allah's Creation

We should look at everything as a sacred creation of Allah. According to Islamic sources of hadith and jurisprudence, for example, killing animals for fun or as a leisure activity is prohibited. One cannot hunt foxes or even birds merely for enjoyment. We can only hunt an animal or a bird, if used as food or to protect ourselves from any danger posed by them.

Thus, killing an animal is only allowed to serve life, either in the form of food or in the form of protection of human life from the danger they pose; otherwise, we cannot just kill animals for no good purpose.

Protection And Preservation Of Environment And Natural Resources

We also cannot waste natural resources. A faithful person, or a faithful community should be very careful about the way they treat an insect or even a cup of water. For example, according to our hadiths, even if we are next to a river, we should not take a cup of water out of the river and pour it on the ground for no particular reason, as this is a waste of water. This is not because we fear facing problem in the future; some people respect the environment merely for the sake of eliminating future environmental issues. In the Islamic view, even if we are completely sure no environmental crisis or shortages will occur, we should still not damage the environment or waste natural resources.

Importance Of The Family In Islam

After talking about this general and inclusive love for all creation and, in particular, for human beings, there are some groups who receive further attention in Islam. We have spoken about people who are vulnerable, who for some reason need support, such as elders, the ill, guests, asylum seekers, or refugees.

Our focus now is on the family as an additional group of people who must receive love and care which is important for the formation and development of an Islamic community, as an Islamic community cannot exist without having strong families within it.

Family ties are naturally important, but this should not then exclude other people from our care and love, as happens unfortunately with some who think so highly of their own families that they are not concerned for others. Though we should love and care for everyone, we have more responsibility for particular people such as our family.

Unity Of Family Brings Unity Of Community

If we have a good sense of unity inside the home between the mother, father, and children, we can have a better sense of unity in the extended family, between grandparents, grandchildren, cousins, uncles, and aunts; and this can in turn help keep the community united. We need to have various levels of unity and ties between people to keep the community together.

Unity Within Particular Groups Of People Helps Society

Sometimes the people who come from the same city or country, or speak the same language, feel united by a common sense of identity. We should not view their unity negatively. Indeed, it can be positive if it does not cause them to ignore the rest of community; if the people from one particular country or ethnicity are firmly united and then work for the good of the larger community, this is very useful.

In the same way, it is good if the Muslim community is closely united and works for, say, the betterment of the entire British society. The British society must not be afraid if Muslims are united; and similarly, Muslims must not be intimidated by other united Muslims from different backgrounds. All types of unity can be beneficial to society, as long as they are not formed against outsiders.

The Importance Of Marriage In Islam

There is a famous hadith from Prophet Muhammad: “In Islam, no construction has ever been built which is dearer to Allah than marriage.”1

Marriage, the beginning and foundation of the establishment of a family, is the dearest and most loved construction in Islam.

This attitude is quite opposite to the one found in some other spiritualities who regard marriage negatively; that the marital relationship between a man and a woman is either satanic or completely material in nature, and hence it is better for a person to remain unmarried, and if they must marry to avoid sinning it is merely a necessity that is the lesser of two evils.

However, from the Islamic point of view, marriage is sacred, and after careful examination of all Qur'anic verses and hadiths, our jurists state that marriage is recommended (mustahab). The married will be rewarded as those who are rewarded. Furthermore, if the only way to protect oneself from committing sin is marriage, it becomes mandatory (wajib).

Therefore, the formation of a family, beginning with the marriage of a man and a woman, is highly recommended, and sometimes compulsory. According to the above hadith form the Prophet, marriage is more important than physical constructions such as houses, schools, hospitals, masjids, roads and bridges. It is also more important than any political, economic and social institutions that people may make.

Divorce Is The Worst Of Permitted Actions

On the other hand, destruction of a marriage in the form of divorce is permitted, although it is the worst permitted or the most disliked (abghadh al-halal) action because one is destroying the dearest construction. However, Islam does not prohibit divorce because it is a realistic religion that takes real situations into consideration; it is accepted that there are cases in which divorce is the only solution.

Furthermore, if a man and woman know there is absolutely no chance for divorce, this can create psychological problems; it is the nature of human beings to become tempted to do something which has been prohibited.2 If men and women were told it is impossible to divorce once they marry, and that they must remain married until one of them dies, this can create problems in the future as they are kept together by force even if their marriage has failed.

Thus, Islam is realistic from a legal point of view, in that divorce is possible and permitted; but from a moral point of view, Islam very much tries to avoid divorce because marriage is sacred.

Marriage According To The Qur'an

Verse 21 of Surah Rum (30) is very famous and is normally recited during marriage ceremonies:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

And of His signs is that He created for you mates from your own selves that you may take comfort in them, and He ordained affection and mercy between you. There are indeed signs in that for a people who reflect (30:21)

Allah continues in verse 22 with the creation of the heavens and the earth, and on the various languages and colours as being His signs, including our ability to sleep during the night and then earn an income as additional signs that lead us toward Him.

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ خَلْقُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَاخْتِلَافُ أَلْسِنَتِكُمْ وَأَلْوَانِكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِلْعَالِمِينَ

And one of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your tongues and colours; most surely there are signs in this for the learned (30:22)

However, among most or all the signs related to creation of the world and of man, one sign in particular is about marriage and about the relationship of a man and a woman in forming a family (30:21). This phrase "from your own selves" is very important. We need a spouse who comes from the same reality as our own and is of the same nature; we cannot marry angels, let alone animals. We may think marrying an angel is good, although it would not work because we may not understand angels. We simply do not match each other. Similarly, Allah says:

لَقَدْ مَنَّ اللَّهُ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِذْ بَعَثَ فِيهِمْ رَسُولًا مِنْ أَنْفُسِهِمْ يَتْلُو عَلَيْهِمْ آيَاتِهِ وَيُزَكِّيهِمْ وَيُعَلِّمُهُمُ الْكِتَابَ وَالْحِكْمَةَ وَإِنْ كَانُوا مِنْ قَبْلُ لَفِي ضَلَالٍ مُبِينٍ

Allah certainly favoured the faithful when He raised up among them an apostle from among themselves to recite to them His signs and to purify them and teach them the Book and wisdom, and earlier they had indeed been in manifest error. (3:164)

The Prophet was not an angel from heaven and then suddenly surprised people by declaring his prophethood. The Prophet is a human being like us and living amongst us; although he is a special human being due to his exceptional piety and nearness to Allah, with which he is able to receive revelation. Allah says: "

قُلْ إِنَّمَا أَنَا بَشَرٌ مِثْلُكُمْ يُوحَىٰ إِلَيَّ أَنَّمَا إِلَٰهُكُمْ إِلَٰهٌ وَاحِدٌ ۖ فَمَنْ كَانَ يَرْجُو لِقَاءَ رَبِّهِ فَلْيَعْمَلْ عَمَلًا صَالِحًا وَلَا يُشْرِكْ بِعِبَادَةِ رَبِّهِ أَحَدًا

Say; 'I am just a human being like you. It has been revealed to me that your God is the One God So whoever expects to encounter his Lord-let him act righteously, and not associate anyone with the worship of his Lord.' (18:110)

Prophet was a human being like us, but he was receiving communications from God.

Natural And Necessary Differences Between Men And Women

Although husbands and wives are human beings, sometimes they have difficulties understanding one another due to gender differences. No matter how much they try, they may eventually not understand one another perfectly. The only solution is to simply trust each other and respect each other's views.3

The differences between men and women are beautiful and meant to complement each other. If we attempt to force our spouse to be like us, we have missed the whole point of marriage.

As men and women, we can never completely understand one another and indeed, this is good and natural because we would only be able to understand each other perfectly if we were completely alike, and this would then mean it would be as if we were both men or both women. This is not an ideal situation, nor does it make sense. We are meant to be different from one another, while acknowledging and respecting our differences.

For example, if a husband thinks that his wife worries too much, then he should not criticise or blame her. This is how a mother must be. Of course, bearing in mind that worrying more than the norm is an issue; she should be judged according to what is average amongst mothers, not according to the father's reaction, and vice versa.

It is one of the beautiful factors in Allah's creation that He created another human being for us from our own species and of our own nature along with some differences.

In addition to our spouse being from the same nature, they are also our pair. There is one common point between us and one difference: the common point is that we are both human beings and hence we share a great deal. The difference is that we are to be pairs (zawj). If there are two men or two women, they do not form this pair. A perfect pair is formed by the joining together of one person from each gender.

Therefore, a balanced family requires one who is less emotional and one who is more emotional.

Reasons For Gender Differences

Why has Allah created it this way? The Qur'an says that this is to find peace and tranquillity with each other and Allah has created affection (mawaddah) and mercy (rahmah) between them (30:21).

According to some exegetes such as Ayatollah Makarim Shirazi in Tafsir-e Nemuneh, 'mawaddah' is mutual because we offer and receive love and care while 'rahmah' can be one sided.

For example, if a husband is ill and cannot do anything for his wife, she can still show 'rahmah' to him and vice versa. If a husband cannot support his wife well, she should still show love towards him and vice versa. This is 'rahmah.' Therefore, according to this interpretation, 'mawaddah' is something which we reciprocate, but mercy can be either mutual or unilateral.

It is important to note here that the Qur'an tells us that there are 'signs' in this, and not merely one sign (30:21).

Challenges Faced By Human Beings

If Allah had not designed such a plan, there would not exist generations of human beings on this earth for thousands of years. Human beings generally would not feel happy and somewhat tranquil despite the large number of challenges they face, incomparable to the situation of any other being on the planet.

If we look at the life of an animal, we see that although they face problems, in comparison to the problems we face, their problems are relatively minor. They may at times experience difficulties in finding food or looking after their young, but they forget as their memories reset quickly.

Indeed, it is like resetting a computer. Everything starts afresh with the useless and negative things removed; in the same way, for most animals, memories of past difficulties do not affect them in the present. Moreover, animals seem not to suffer psychological or emotional problems, at least for a long period of time.

Marriage And Family Life As Solution To Pressures Of Life

We need to reduce and recover from the pressure and stress of human life. Of course, the main cure and source of tranquillity derives from the remembrance of Allah, which is something that can never be replaced; it is possible that if we remember Allah in a complete and perfect way, then even without marriage we will not feel we are missing anything.

However, this is not something to be expected from every human being, and especially not at the beginning of their spiritual journey as it may take time to reach that state. There are also other reasons for which we need unity and family life so that we can have peace and tranquillity; marriage is one aspect Allah has provided in His creation to bring this about.

For this reason, in a sermon before conducting someone's marriage, Imam Ridha (‘a) made a beautiful point. He said that even if we did not have any Qur'anic verses or hadiths regarding marriage, there are so much of blessings and benefits in it that rational people still would have had interest in it and would have moved fast towards it.4

If we go to any primitive society, whether in jungles, deserts, or mountains, or if we go back thousands of years, we find the institution of the family present everywhere. Indeed, this is why it is called an institution; because it has always existed, although in various forms.

Parent-Child Relationships

Greater love and compassion are a must amongst family members, especially from the parents towards their children, as children are more vulnerable and are in greater need. Of course, it is also important for children to love, respect, and obey their parents.

However, whether parents are psychologically harmed or not, as adults they are able to survive; though parents will feel somewhat upset and disturbed, they will most likely not experience a disruption in their psychological development due to their maturity.

However, if a developing child does not receive love and compassion from his or her parents, it is like not receiving enough food during growth years. If a child is given, say, half a meal every other day instead of three daily meals, then that child will not physically develop. The same is for spiritual development. If parents do not show love and attention to their children, the children may not grow properly mentally or psychologically.

Importance Of Keeping Promises Made To Children

Prophet Muhammad is quoted as saying: “Love children and show mercy to them and when you promise them something keep your promise, because they don't know except that you sustain them.”5

For a child of 3 to 5 years of age, the parents are like gods, as they are the only people they trust and rely on and have hope in. If parents make a promise and then break it the child's world is shattered. Imagine if Allah did not keep His promise to us. We would go mad because the understanding we have of God and His ultimate Mercy, care, and concern for us does not match that behaviour. It is not something which we can accept.

In Du'a Kumayl, Imam Ali (‘a) says: “My Master, so how should he remain in the chastisement, while he has hope for Your previous clemency? Or how should the Fire cause him pain while he expects Your bounty and mercy? Far be it from You! That is not what is expected of You, Nor what is well-known of Your bounty, Nor it is like the goodness and kindness You hast shown to those who profess Your Unity.”

Thus, parents must be extra careful about the promises they make to their children.

The Importance Of Solving Children's Problems

Often, we take it very lightly when a child has a problem and approaches us for support; for example, we undervalue the importance of helping them look for their lost toy. We should realise that for the child, losing their toy is more important to them than us losing our jobs; we should try to imagine our disappointment when we go to work one day and are told that we are no longer needed. We are to understand their perception of the world and their place in it.

It is interesting to reflect on a child's cries which should deeply hurts one's heart. I think it is because they cry in a truly heartbroken manner with a real sense of pain, as if it is the end of the world. Most adults are not like this; if they lose something, even if they cry about it, they still have numerous other blessings to appreciate. This strong effect in the cry of a child is a beautiful thing created by Allah.

We may wonder about the relationship between this sound and its painful effect on our hearts to the point we cannot remain indifferent to it. This is not the same as the effect of an alarm clock, for example, where it rings, and we can choose to ignore it. The cry of a child affects our hearts. We cannot continue proceeding with our works unless we are merciless. If we have even a little mercy, it is impossible to continue concentrating on a task when a child cries.

The Importance Of Caring For Women

Although there is no doubt that a wife should show love to her husband, a man should feel more responsible for showing love. Imam Kazim (‘a) is quoted as saying: “Truly God the Almighty does not become angry for anything like the time He becomes angry when women or children are mistreated.”6

Although Allah is unhappy when a man is mistreated, the harm and abuse done on a woman or child brings about more of His anger. Also, we find in Islamic narrations, that one must be extra careful by avoiding injustice to those who have no helpers other than Allah; if not, then Allah Himself would approach us on his or her behalf to confront us about our misbehaviour.

For example, we read in a hadith from Imam Baqir (‘a) that his father Imam Sajjad (‘a) before his demise advised him with what his own father had advised him before he had passed away and that was to make sure that he would not do injustice to [anyone especially] those who have no helpers other than God.7

Respect And Thankfulness Towards Parents

Allah also asks children to be respectful to their parents. The Qur'an says:

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا

Your Lord has decreed that you should not worship anyone except Him, and (He has enjoined) kindness to parents. Should they reach old age at your side - one or both of them -do not say to them: 'Fie!' And do not chide them, but speak to them noble words (17:23)

وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

And lower the wing of humility to them, out of mercy and say: My Lord I Have mercy on them, just as they reared me when I was small (child)! (17:24)

After reminding us about the Unity of God (tawheed), the Qur'an says that we must be kind towards our parents, because our very existence and upbringing depend on our parents. Although we are in debt to Allah to a far greater extent because we owe Him everything including our very parents, it is an Islamic duty that when we receive a blessing from Allah, we must also be thankful to those who were channels for us to receive His mercy.

Thus, an exemplar community must not ignore the role of parents. They should not reject their parents, should speak with gently and respectfully, honour them, have mercy on them, be humble with them, treat them with dignity, and pray for them, asking Allah to treat them with mercy in the same way that they showed us mercy when raising us.

Prophet Muhammad said: "It is an act of worship to look at either parent with affection and kindness." Simply looking at them with love and affection is worship (ibaadah).

Do Not Look At Parents With Anger

One narration states that if we look at our parents with anger even if they committed an injustice to us, our prayers will not be answered for forty days.8 This is another indication of the importance of treating parents with respect.

Good Treatment Of Parents Even If They Are Non-Believers

Amongst the companions of the Imams, there were people who, when they embraced Islam, increased their love and respect to their parents.

In one case regarding a man whose mother was not a Muslim, Imam al-Sadiq (‘a) instructed him to be more merciful towards her. His mother noticed this and asked her son why he had changed his behaviour towards her as he did not treat her as well when he followed the previous religion. When he informed her of the Imam's advice, she embraced Islam.9

Islam is a religion that instructs humanity to have much respect for parents. According to Islamic narrations, people have no excuse if they withdraw their kindness towards their parents, no matter whether the parents are pious or sinful.10

Prophet Jesus (‘a) Speaks Of Kindness To His Mother

One of the sentences Prophet Jesus uttered as a new-born baby was:

وَبَرًّا بِوَالِدَتِي وَلَمْ يَجْعَلْنِي جَبَّارًا شَقِيًّا

(He) hath made me kind to my mother, and not overbearing or miserable. (19:32)

This is very important because this was one of the few things which were said by this new-born baby, who had to defend the integrity of his mother in front of those who had accused her and questioned her piety.

Paradise Lies Under The Feet Of Mothers

Finally, we should remember what the Prophet said about mothers in particular: “Paradise lies under the feet of mothers.”11

What does this mean? It may mean that the way to secure our entrance into Heaven is to show maximum humbleness and respect to our mothers. It may also mean that showing love and respect for our mother must be more important than going to Heaven because it lies under her feet - that she is more important than Heaven itself.

It is impossible to imagine that we have hope to enter heaven while we hurt or neglect our mothers, and of course, our fathers as well. However, normally the phrase is understood in the sense that going to Heaven depends more on pleasing our mothers. If we truly want to go to Heaven, we must please our mothers.

Conclusion

In an Islamic community, family life is highly regarded and protected. Any measure that may weaken families must be either negated or avoided. On the other hand, everything that can make families stronger, more united and more capable of flourishing must be encouraged. We cannot sacrifice family life for anything else, such as economic or social reasons. Without having proper and stable families, society will sooner or later face enormous challenges.

A family is either a man and woman who are married according to a covenant Allah has endorsed or a man and woman. A family does not necessarily need to include children, but it is recommended to include them if possible.

Those who cannot have children are still a family as a married couple. The family must be a traditional one founded on the marriage of a man and woman according to the way that God the Almighty endorsed, and they must know and feel that this is a Divine covenant.

Marriage is not a contract like a financial or legal contract with which two partners form a company. It is a Divine covenant planned and legislated by Allah: both in His creation and in His legislation, He willed families to form and to continue.

May Allah strengthen our families more and more, day by day, and may the relationships between parents and children and between husbands and wives in our communities become as that which He is pleased with.



    • 1. Wasa’il al-Shi’ah vol. 14, p. 3,
    • 2. Prophet Muhammad is quoted as saying: “Truly son of Adam is greedy with respect to what has been banned” (Mizan al-Hikmah, vol. 1, p. 589).
    • 3. For example, a father’s regard for his children can never the same as his wife’s care. A father should not expect his wife to be like him; if that occurs, then the children may suffer because normally fathers are not very precise in their concerns for their children. On the other hand, a mother should not expect her husband to be like her in showing a great deal of worry over every detail concerning her children otherwise the entire family structure will collapse.
    • 4. Al-Kafi, vol. 5, pp. 373 & 374.
    • 5. Al-Kafi, vol. 6, p. 49. Also, there is a hadith from Imam Kazim Al-Kafi, vol. 6, p. 50.
    • 6. Al-Kafi, vol. 6, p. 50.
    • 7. Al-Kafi, vol, 2, p. 331.
    • 8. Al-Kafi, vol, 2, p. 349.
    • 9. See Al-Kafi, vol. 2, pp. 160 & 161.
    • 10. Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 132.
    • 11. Kanz al- 'Ummal, vol. 16, p. 461, hadith no. 45439.