Ask A Question About Islam And Muslims
Is it mandatory, religiously or ethically, to open up about major depression to your future spouse and their family before marriage? If one chooses not to tell them about depression before or during married life, will that be counted as a lie or deceit?
Thank you for your question. At the moment, Shii law does not consider mental health as an issue that would annul a marriage contract. However, considering the fact that marriage in the modern world is a major decision for both parties it would be wise to not hide such issues as they will inevitably come up during the course of a persons marriage at which stage your partner may feel hard done by. Especially if it is something you are not entirely over. With these situations it is helpful to put yourself in the other party's shoes and treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.
May you always be successful.
I have been experiencing bad thoughts and misgivings about Azadari. I try so much but it happens again and again which leads to depression and stress. What should I do?
The short answer is, azadari is optional not required, so if you don't want to do it or don't want to be in a place where people are doing it, this is not *religiously* necessary (although, socially, in some places, this may be a challenge).
The longer answer is, bad thoughts and misgivings come from somewhere. Sometimes they arise for good reasons, such as seeing people do wrong or hypocritical things.
Sometimes they arise for bad reasons, such as listening to false ideas (such as some of the baseless criticisms of Shiism in some websites) or self-hatred/embarrassment about one's culture.
So, it doesn't hurt to look into what you are thinking and explore why you are thinking it, and whether it is something that is leading you towards truth and a more enlightened way of being, or not.
Whether or not you choose to make azadari part of your life, it is good to be tolerant towards other people's practices (insofar as they are permissible) and to acknowledge and respect them even if you choose not to do them.
Otherwise if we become intolerant towards how other people live their religion simply because we disagree with them, we will not be any different from those people who go around attacking Shiis for being kuffar because Shiis pray on turbahs and that sort of thing.
Also, regarding azadari, sometimes people become less enthusiastic about azadari as they get older. I guess this is because younger people have more energy and spirit and also things are newer to us when we are younger, then at some point we max out on what we are getting out of azadari, and wish to explore other things. This is of course not true for everyone (I can already imagine the emails of objection flooding my inbox!) but it is true for some people and for most things in life; that is, sometimes things work for us during some life phases and not others.
Religiously speaking, there are also plenty of other things you can focus on that are also meritorious, for instance, if, currently in your life, you feel like you get more out of focusing on reciting the Qur'an or doing charitable work or something else that has value. Of course it is still also meritorious to remember and express sadness for Ahl al-Bayt (A)!
The feeling of inner emptiness or meaningless can come from weakness of love or attachment with Allah (SWT) and His most beloved servants, which is usually caused by less supplication and less spiritual practices like remembering Allah, night prayer (Tahajjud or Namaz Shab) and reciting Quran and Du'a with intention and thinking.
The cure of it is to remember the great reward for remembering Allah (SWT) and repeat it as many times as you can especially when are alone and during night and more specifically during Sojood. Repeating Salawaat enlighten the hear, and repeating Estighfaar cleans up the hear from the filth of sinful acts or thoughts.
Reciting Quran with a voice that you can easily hear is very useful.
Putting your hand on the head of an orphan and helping orphans and needy is very useful.
Seeking Du'a from your parents, doing more good to them and to your relatives is also very helpful in making your inner rich and make you feel satisfied and pleasant.
Repeating Isteghfaar (Seeking forgiveness) is very helpful for every one especially those who feel guilty.
Remembering Allah and taking His names and repeating it is very useful in treating depression or anxiety or any psychological problem. Remembering Allah keeps the heart peaceful and prevents the causes of depression. More remembering Allah (SWT) brings more peace and comfort in the heart and mind.