The 3 Types of Parents

Somebody says, what is the different types of parenting that we have? Because today no doubt, culture has had an impact on the way that we parent our children. There are those who have learned certain renting styles, and I am going to go through three parenting styles for us to learn which one is the best, and which one should be avoided.

The first parenting style is known as the authoritarian parenting style. Who is an authoritarian parent? It is an individual who makes all the decisions in the family, as parents are concerned. They expect the kids to follow without asking any questions. The parents take their kids as inherently ignorant. They have high expectations for kids on what they want, and the only way they parent the kids is through punishment and reward.

So when the child disobeys, they say, how dare you disobey? I am your father. You should respect me. I know exactly what to do. How dare you do this? Everything is through punishment and reward. This is an authoritarian parent. I remember there is a famous proverb in Iraq. Yes, it is regarding making sure that we do something properly, not hastily. And a person who is labelled with this is a man by the name of Mulla Alawi.

Now, Mulla Alawi, what did he used to do? He used to say to his sons, in Iraq back in the time, that you have to pray, your fajir Salah. If you don't pray, there is something called the stick. Yes, there is something called the stick, no doubt. So what do they do? They are frightened and they used to sleep because it was hot in the summer. They used to sleep outside, on the roof of the house, but they used to take turns to his sons. Every morning, at fajr time one of them wakes up, goes and pours water down the drain. And the father, who is downstairs hears that there is water being used. So then he comes to the conclusion that they have woken up.

They are doing Wudhu and they are praying. And it is the turn of every child one day. So they say, Tomorrow is your turn to wake up and pour the water. One day this Mulla Alawi decided to inspect. He went up and he saw one of his sons pouring the water. He says, what on earth are you doing? He [the son] says: Father, all this time we are praying not for the sake of Allah. To stay away from the wrath of Mulla Alawi. That's what our Salah was for. Isn't it? Yes. That's the first type of parenting. It's shown to be not an effective means. Sometimes it is needed, but not all the time.

The second type is called the permissive style. Please understand this. The permissive style is what? Permissive style is that when a parent is lenient, they don't impose rules. They avoid confrontation, and they want the happiness of their children no matter what, because they feel if they do anything, their children will turn against them and will not like them. Here there is an example, that a parent comes into the room, finds a child who is supposed to wash the dishes, is watching TV. In the first instance, the authoritarian style, their parents screams at the child, how dare you? I told you to wash the dishes, the child says, Can I just watch the game? It's one -nihl to Leicester, and I think they are going to equalise the other team, because they usually do. Therefore, I want to complete the game.

The father says, no way. If you do so, you will be banned for a week. What does the child get this message? Only things work in life through threats. That is the only way I can get by. The second style is the child's watching the football game and the parent comes in and says, my dear son, Why haven't you wash the dishes? So I'm watching the game. Says: very well, don't worry, I'll do it. This is the what? This is the permissive style, which is also problematic.

The third type, please understand this. This has been shown today through studies, analysis, to be the most effective parenting style. This is referred to as what? As the authoritative, not authoritarian, authoritative style. What does this refer to? This is when the parent seeks the view of the child and maintains a personal authority but seeks to problem-solve.

They see mistakes as great ways to learn. They empower the children to develop self discipline, personal responsibility for actions. And therefore, the child gets the idea that there will be consistent rules, and they belong to a team, in which they are consulted. Let's use an example.

The father enters or the mother, sees the child hasn't washed the dishes. They are watching TV. What does he do? He sits next to the child eye level, looks at the child in a calm manner. Can I talk to you for a few minutes? Okay. Do you remember the discussion we had? Yes. What am I expecting you to do? The child says: you're expecting me to wash the dishes. The father or the mother says, Have you done it? He says. No. The father or mother says, would you expect to happen next? What do you think?

Now, there may be resistance initially, if this method is not used, there may be a turning or an ignoring from the child, but usually if there is consultation, if there is dialogue, if there is that warmth, the child begins to understand that there is a problem-solving exercise. It is also part of long term parenting. Yes.

Now, based on people's temperaments, the child's temperament, their parents situation. Sometimes you need a mixture of those. However, this last parenting style is deemed to be one of the most effective ways, and it requires a teamwork between father and mother to be able to understand that many a times they need to be calm, they need to ask the children, they need to be at the level of the children. They need to engage with the children to have a meaningful discussion so that an outcome is reached.

Here, there is a need to understand a very powerful, very useful, very, very important point, as to what makes a successful parent. Please understand this.

Today's studies have shown this. Over 600 studies, 600 studies have come together and what? Through research studies, they have shown that the most effective means of parenting, today is parent-child connectedness. It is when that parent develops a connection with their son or daughter.