How The Parents' Relationship Impacts Their Children

How is the relationship between the father and the mother? And that's extremely important as well. Sometimes you have a house, a family, where the father is always arguing with the mother, or the mother is also arguing with the father. That kind of argumentative environment is not very healthy for the children.

You find the children are always in tense. Now, people say, no, we are fine, al-hamdu lil-Lah, nothing is wrong. No, they can read your face. Those of you who have children, you notice. Children can read your face. If you are upset, immediately they will come, they will realize you're upset. And if you are happy, they know that you are happy. So if they see you in tense, fighting with the father, or the mother the whole time, what do you think the environment in the house is?

Whereas look at the environment and the relationship in the house of Fatimah and Amir ul-Mu'minin, alayhima as-salam. What kind of environment? Last night I mentioned that hadith al-Kisa': "as-salamu alayki ya Bint Ar-Rasul Allah. Wa alayka as-salam ya Aba Abdillah, wa ya Amir Al-Mu'minin. Ya Fatimah! Inni ashammu indiki ra'iya". What a beautiful conversation. You know, salam, how are you? Your kids and so on, so forth.

Even when Imam Ali alayhi as-salam, in those days, when he did not have much money, and they did not have much food for the children, Fatimah, alayha as-salam would not fight with him. Where is the food? You are keeping us hungry for three days. Where is the food? She would never do that.

And when he asked her: why haven't you told me ya Bint Ar-Rasul Allah, that you have not had food for three days? She said, I did not want to burden you, Ya Amir Al-Mu'minin. I didn't want to add to your pressure. I know you don't have much {Ya Allah!]. Look at the beautiful environment in the house.

This is something important. You have issues to discuss as a father and a mother, try not to do it in front of the children. Try to, once they go to sleep, for example, to discuss your issues, and try to solve your issues. Always have communication. Try to solve these issues in a manner that does not reflect and impact the children. You just need a little bit of patience, my brothers and sisters, a little bit of patience.

These days, we unfortunately don't have any patience. We don't have any patience. The minute she said one word, khalas! I will answer her with ten words, and then she will answer back with 100 words, and so on and so forth, khalas. And then we will call it quits. Ma'a as-salama, you go your own way, I will go my own way. So many cases of divorce that are happening these days, when I speak to the man, to the woman, you find this is the essence of it.

Just be patient a little bit. Sabr! Asbr, asbr shway [have a little patience] Have sabr. Be patient. She says a word, khalas! Akhuk, sorry, I beg your forgiveness. Even though she might be wrong. If he says a word, even though he might be wrong, just say, I'm sorry. I apologize. It's okay. Please forgive me for this. Fatimat uz-Zahra', alayha as-salam, on the last day of her life, she called Imam Ali alayhi as-salam and she said, Ya Amir Al-Mu'minin, if I have said anything or done anything to wrong you, please forgive me! [Allahu Akbar!]

Allahu Akbar. And he cried, and he said, "ya Fatimah! Ma ra'aitu minki illa jamila!" I did not see much beauty from you. What are you talking about? And he answers her, he says, Na'am ya Sayyidati! Yes, my master. Ya Sayyidati, when in fact he is the Sayyid, because now Rasul Allah has died. He is the Imam. He is the Imam of Az-Zahra', alayha as-salam, yet he calls all Ya Sayyidati. Look at the status of Az-Zahra', salamu Allahi alayha.

Look at the respect between the husband and the wife. This is the Akhlaq, you know? Is this how we talk at home? Is this the language we speak at home? I see some men laughing. Like, yeah, right, whatever. I will tell my wife my master, yeah, sure. Salawat [Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa Aali Muhammad].

The hadith says, when a husband tells his wife: I love you, he owns her heart. In other words, he is encouraged, the hadith is encouraging the husband to say I love you to your wife. And sometimes show love not only with words, with actions. If she is too tired, for example, she is a human being at the end of the day, too, just like you. But no, I expect her to be a machine.

I can get tired, but a wife cannot get tired. She has to cook, clean, do the laundry, do everything, look after the children, everything. That's her responsibility. I know, I come from work, I am tired, khalas! I go asleep, that's it. And I have to wake up, and the food has to be on the table, ready, everything is ready. She is a human being. Also, she gets tired. If she's too tired and say, you know what? I'll do the dishes tonight, no problem. I'll do the laundry today, no problem.

Help each other. She wakes up and she finds the dishes are all done. That's a gesture of respect, a gesture of love. This is something important. This is what we find in the house of Fatimah and Amir Al-Mu'minin, alayhima as-salam. Such kind of respect. This is kind of relationship that's there in the house.