THE ISLAMIC MARRIED LIFE
The Importance of marriage has been highlighted by numerous verses in the Qur’an and Ahadith:
وَأَنْكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنْكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ ۚ إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ
"Marry the single people from among you and the righteous slaves and slave-girls. If you are poor, Allah (SwT) will make you rich through His favour; and Allah (SwT) is Bountiful, All-Knowing." (Surah 24, Verse 32)
It has been narrated from Abi Abdillah that, "A man once came to my father. My father asked him, "Are you married?" The man replied, 'No.' My father (as) replied, 'I would not love to have the world and all that is contained within it if it meant I had to spend one night without a woman (beside me).'" (Bihar vol. 100 p. 217)
Why do you think there is such emphasis placed on the institution of marriage?
- Likely because of the benefits that are available for a human being within the institution of marriage
-- One: Love and Companionship
-- Two: Fulfilling desires legally
-- Three: Spiritual benefit
-- Four: Establishing a Family
-- Five: Maturing of personality
What is expected from Married Couples to have the promised gifts (benefits) from Allah SWT at their disposal?
- First: God-consciousness and piety (individually = collectively)
-- The boundaries of Wajib and Haram have to be observed
--- We don’t allow haram things in the house
--- We don’t watch haram things
--- We observe the time of prayers and help each other in their observance
--- We keep our promises
-- In all of these; if one party is lazy or not observant it will have a negative effect on the relationship
- First: God-consciousness and piety (cont)…
-- What if my spouse is not living up to their end of the bargain?
--- Check to see if my conduct and expectations are within normal limits
--- Try and reason with them on how this effecting your spirituality and that of the children
---- ROLE PLAY:
----- 1 – spouse watches TV at the time of salat
----- 2 – spouse doesn’t wake up for Fajr
----- 3 – spouse doesn’t do any of the Mustahab fasts that I do
--- Pray to Allah SWT to help guide my spouse
--- Seek counseling from a mutually trusted third party
- Second: Love and Affection
-- Love is the most important ingredient of a happy marriage
--- Important point: Don’t expect the same manifestation of love and affection from your spouse; we all demonstrate and show love differently
-- One: Be pleasant in character
--- How can one not bring stress from the outside home?
-- Two: Pay attention to your spouse
--- How can one demonstrate their attention to their spouse?
- Second: Love and Affection (cont)…
-- Three: Overlooking mistakes and forgiving
--- What are things we can overlook?
--- What are things that need to be discussed?
--- How do we find the balance?
-- Four: Protecting the faults and shortcomings from others
-- Five: Physical Intimacy
--- There needs to be effort from both parties
---- Look nice for each other
---- Do something romantic for each other
----- Keep in mind: The romantic gestures can be manifested in different ways – learn to read them correctly
Islamic Rules of Intimacy
-- O you who believe! . . . those of you who have not yet reached puberty should ask you for permission (before entering your bedroom during) three times: before the dawn prayer, when you put off your garments at midday (for siesta) and after the night prayer - these are three times of privacy for you
-- When your children reach puberty, they should ask your permission (at all times before entering your bedrooms) just as those who were before them had asked permission. Thus God makes clear to you the signs, and Allah is All-Knowing, Wise. (24:58-59)
-- Highly encouraged refer to Marriage and Morals in Islam by Syed Muhammad Rizvi.
Islamic Rules of Intimacy (cont)…
- Haram actions:
-- It is forbidden to engage in relations during menstruation
- Makruh times
-- During frightful natural occurrences, e.g., eclipse, hurricane, earthquake; from sunset till maghrib; from dawn till sunrise; the last three nights of lunar months; eve of the 15th of every lunar month; eve of 10th Zil-hijjah; after becoming junub
- Mustahab times:
-- i. Sunday night; ii. Monday night; iii. Wednesday night; iv. Thursday noon; v. Thursday night; vi. Friday evening; vii. whenever the wife wants to have relations.
- Wajib times:
-- It is wajib on man to have relations with his wife at least once in every four months – unless waived by the wife