Lack Of Respect For Parents - The Source Of Most People’s Misery

I remember once a sister sent me a very long message on Twitter and she explained the circumstances of her life and how she's getting older and yet unable to get married. There have been a few proposals, a few suitors that have knocked on her door, but things just don't work out and things just happen to fall apart at the last second. And and she just went on and on and on.

And then for some reason, not that there was any indication in her message to that effect, but for some reason something was inspired in my heart. And I said to her sister, "what's your relationship like with your parents?" Just like that out of the blue and she goes, "you know, that's an area I could really work on. I do have issues with my parents. In fact, sometimes we go for months not talking." I said, "that's exactly where your problem lies."

We run and run, but failed to make headway, without realising, that because we failed to honour our parents and fulfil this duty that we have towards them, that is why we're miserable. That's why our lives are not working out the way we want them to. Which is why every once in a while you should sit down, grab your mother's feet. If she refuses, maybe surprise her, maybe walk up to her when she's praying so she can't nullify her Salat and kiss her feet. Maybe you should do that with your father. You should do it with your mother, because believe you me, brothers and sisters, if there is any good that can reach you in this life or the next, it has to pass through their feet.

Meaning they have to be pleased with you. They have to pray for you from the bottom of their hearts. It can't be one of those. Mom, pray for me. "Of course I'll pray for you." She's your mother. She loves you. But no, no, no. The du'a, the prayer has to come from the very deepest recesses of her heart and her soul. You have to be so good to her and him, meaning your father.

You have to honour them such that when they pray for you, they really, truly mean it. Those are the kinds of duas that will have the biggest positive impact in your life. You want a good outcome? You want your life to work out? You want Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala to bless you and to protect you and to look after you? You have to go and seek your parent's blessings. In fact, this is an amazing reality that I think many people miss.

Imam as-Sadiq, alayhi as-salam, says [Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad, wa aali Muhammad] he says, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala qalana, He has associated certain things with certain things in the Qur'an. The reason for that is quite obvious. It's to emphasise and highlight the significance of those items that he associates together. And he mentions a few examples, one of which he says "Allah associated prayer with paying zakat." In almost every verse on the Qur'an, allah Subhana wa Ta'ala says: "yuqimuna as-Salat wa yu'tuna az-Zakat".

If you pray, but fail to pay your due share of obligatory alms, Zakat, Khums, obligatory Sadaqah, then there's something wrong with your prayers. Then the Imam says. He says, "wa qadana, birr al-walidayn", honoring your parents, respecting them, looking after them. Obeying them with what? With what? "Bi ibadatih", with worshiping Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala and the unicity of God and acknowledging that Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala exists. That is associated with honoring our parents!

Look at this verse: "Wa qadaa Rabbuka, allaa ta'budooo illaaa iyyaah" (17:23). 'God has decreed that you shall not worship anyone but Him'. "Wa bil waalidaini ihsaanaa" (17:23). Straight after that: and to honour your parents, to be kind to your parents. "Immaa yablughanna 'indaka al-kibara ahaduhumaaa aw kilaahumaa" (17:23). 'If they grow old when they are in your company, if they reach an old age, whether one of them or two of them', these are the words of Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala. "Fa la taqul lahumaaa uffin wa laa tanharhumaa" (17:23). 'Never express frustration towards them, even by saying 'uff''.

Which means that the way you speak to them has to be absolutely immaculate. Don't ever show frustration towards them, which, by the way, reminds me of the fact that we have a new trend now, especially in the Western world, where Muslim communities and Shi'a communities are headed towards the establishment, establishment of nursing homes. I agree that there might be a place there might be a necessity for nursing homes in certain circumstances. I don't have a problem with a place where parents, you know, might be more comfortable, perhaps, or whatever the reason may be. But generally speaking, that concept goes against this verse in the Holy Qur'an. Why?

Because Allah says, "Immaa yablughanna 'indaka al-kibara ahaduhumaaa aw kilaahumaa" (17:23). "When they grow old." Where? With you, meaning when they need you the most, you abandon them, you send them off to some nursing home to die all alone? I've been to nursing homes just to go there and speak to these elderly people and see what they're what they go through and try and give them some company. Many years ago, I remember I went and I sat down with this elderly lady. She must have been about 92 - 93 years old. She said, I have one son and I haven't seen him for three years.

Do you think the son is going to see any tawfiq in his life? He's going to have any real satisfaction in his life? Read my lips, brothers and sisters. According to the verses of the Qur'an and the traditions of the Ahlul Bayt, if you mistreat your parents, if you disrespect your parents, if you so much as hurt their feelings, you will suffer the consequences of that from your wife, if not your wife, your children, if not your children, your business, if not your business, your health, if not your health, and nothing happens, nothing goes wrong in your life, then you should know this is what we call: 'istidraj'. It means Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala couldn't be bothered with you anymore, like, you know what, have your fun. I'm not even going to try to nudge you back so that you would repent.

You will suffer the consequences of that. I've seen way too many families where the children don't even speak to their parents. They treat them like slaves, like maids, the mom cooks for me, washes my clothes, cleans after me, the father pays the bills, works outside 9:00 to 5:00, sometimes double shifts, and he doesn't even bother to say salaam to the father. And then the father sits down with me and says,"Sayed, it hurts me that my son doesn't even want to acknowledge my existence."

And every time he says that, I think to myself, the son will never see comfort in his life. And in fact, you know what the father says to me? This is how merciful parents are towards their children. He says to me, say, "I don't care that he doesn't want to talk to me. Wallahi, I am upset because he because I know that he will have to suffer the consequences of this. I am hurt because he will get hurt."

The way parents are dishonoured today, the way young people speak back to them, the way they are disrespected, the way they are left heartbroken. Because I think that they're not smart enough to understand me, because I think that they're ruining my life. Because I think there are too backwards, I'm I'm the smart one because I can operate a couple of Apps on the phone, suddenly I'm the genius.

And then what's the most common thing you hear from young people? My parents don't get me. They don't get me. Well, you know what? One day you are going to have your own children and you won't get them either. Because in 15, 20 years time, when you have your own kids, right, they'll be the embodiment of Tik-Tok. They'll have so many mental health issues, they'll be a walking, talking, ticking time bomb. And at that point, your own son, your own daughter will tell you: you don't get me! Get out of my life! Just like you did with your parents.

Do you think they don't get you? They weren't born yesterday. They've been around a few weeks, a few months, a few years before you have. They may not know how to operate a computer as good as you can, or code, or program, or whatever it is that you think you're so much better than them because you have those skills. But they know what is good for you and they know what is bad for you. They tell you not to associate with someone, just don't do it.