Istekhara is seeking guidance from Allah (SWT) in any matter which is permissible in principle and we are unable to decide about it.
If you have already decided an action, there is no point in Istekhara after you have decided.
'Loving something does not mean that it is good for us. Millions of people suffered a lot from things which they loved sometime then discovered later that love was based on mirage not facts. Sensible persons do not rely on love only but on intellect and factual reasons. If you are not sure whether your love is based on facts or emotions, you can go for Istekhara to be guided.
Did your husband get into the marriage willingly or unwillingly? If he was pressured into the marriage and was not naturally inclined towards it, then this will have a major impact on whether he wants to show love and affection. Also, what was his upbringing? Was he raised in a household that does not show love or affection? Was he neglected emotionally as a child? Also, what are his family's ideas on marriage? Is it just a formality where everybody plays their role? Is your marriage based upon friendship? I.e. are both of you friends and allies? Do you have conversations with each other? Are you from different cultures and have different understandings about Islam? Have you spoken to him about how you notice that he does not demonstrate love or affection, and asked him why that is?
Thank you for your question. To love Allah is to prefer Him to all else in your life and to be attached to him more than your attachment to other things. Love is a connection that matters to you and as such the love of God can be compared to other types of love. Indeed, Allah compares His love to other types of love in the Qur'an (see 9:24 for example). We are naturally in love with God, but that is sometimes confused by our attachments to other types of love. To develop the love of God, some sacrifice is required. The ordinances of our religion help develop that love and among those ordinances is reflecting on the bounties that Allah has bestowed on us, both continually and at various points in our life. It is natural to love those who are good to us, then what about He who is the source of every good in our lives?
Allah, The Most Merciful, Most Compassionate, created us to shower on us His Mercy and bounties. He is showering on us countless bounties and protecting us from countless harms. His Sympathy on us is more than ten times of the sympathy of the mother on her child acceding to Hadeeth.
He wants us to appreciate and thank Him for His bounties so that He grants us more bounties. لئن شكرتم لأزيدنكم
We are required to admit and confess our sins and seek forgiveness so that He foregives us.
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