If the device is totally controlled by you only to stimulate your spouse, it will be then permissible as husband and wife are allowed to enjoy themselves between themselves. Device should not be used by any person to sexually stimulate himself or herself alone.
Not at all. This question has root in Shafi'ee Sunni sect who claim that touching any women invalidates the Wudhu. This claim came because of their misunderstanding of the meaning of the Quranic verse (Or you touched women and did not get water then perform Tayammum) Sura 5, verse 6. The meaning of touching is not the linguistic meaning of just touching, but it means the sexual relationship which causes the state of Janabah. This claim has come from narrations from Omar ibn Al-Khattab and Abdullah ibn Omar and other narrators. Majority of Sunni scholars and all Shia scholars refused these narrations.
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