Stopping Anger and Sadness

How can I stop being so angry with my loved ones? A lot of us ask this question who suffer from the disease of anger where we begin to lash out on those we love and say things that we do not mean. And the problem with saying things we do not mean is that the person we are saying them to, does not actually forget them that easily. And it sticks with them for a long time.

So, a way in which we can begin to fight against this disease of anger is by understanding the states in which we are in and knowing how to break the patterns of those states.

So, there is this state here which they call the crazy eight. Right, it is an eight and you are constantly in one loop or the other. And one loop is anger and the other one is sadness. So when you are going through this, you are all angry. "How could they say that? How dare they? Do not they know who I am? Why do not they appreciate me?" And then if you leave someone alone long enough in that state of anger, they are not going to be angry forever, are they? You are not going to stay angry forever. You are going to become sad, you fall in to sadness. And then slowly you go into the sadness and you start looping. You stop feeling sorry for yourself and you are so depressed and lonely and "no one really loves me and no one understands me, and I am alone in this world."

But then if you leave a person sad for long, long enough, they are not going to just keep crying forever, are they? They need variety. Your body is this way. Suddenly you find, you know what? I had enough of this. You go back in to anger. "How dare they?", and then you want to go seek revenge and you want to find a way to get them back. And then when you realize that it is all pointless, you go back into sadness. And this is just a crazy loop.

And a lot of the time, my friends, when a couple is fighting, it is just two people who are going through the crazy eight, fighting against each other. So it is literally two crazy people going at it, going mad against each other.

What people do is to break the pattern of the crazy eight, they start going into negative ways by which they numb this pain. So they go into gambling, they go into drugs, they go into sex, they go into anything that can make them stop this feeling of anger or sadness. But the problem is, it gets them right back in and it is a negative way to do it.

What you have to do is, to break the pattern of the crazy eight, you go up and change your worldview. And I say this a lot. You have to change the way in which you are seeing the situation. You have to train yourself to disassociate from your thoughts. And this can happen through many practices which we can get into in other videos. But to disassociate from your thoughts to the extent that you know that you are not the thoughts, you are the one watching the thoughts. So you can easily identify this negative thought, this positive thought, which one you want to wear, so you can feel right now. So you can control your emotions this way.

A way in which you can do this practically is: try the next time, let us say your spouse, the next time he or she gets upset with you, right? "Hey, where are you? Why have not you been spending time with me? You are always out. You are always working. You are always -"

So I might think. "Well, I am always working. Yeah, I am always working so I can pay for the rent, so I can pay for the bills, so you can relax at home and have a nice life, a nice dress." That is what you - and then you get angry. "Why don't you appreciate?" Wait. Before you start taking what she is saying or he is saying at face value, wait and really try to understand what they are saying. What are they really saying?

What she is actually saying, if she is your wife, she is saying, "I miss you and I want to spend more time with you because I like being around you." That is what she is saying. She is doing it in a way in which she is blaming you, sure. So she is upset and she is sad and she is given you silent treatment. And you get upset from that.

But before you get upset, realize where it is coming from. Keep asking yourself, "Mum, Dad, you are upset with me because I did not call you you." Instead of thinking, "why are they so fragile? Why are they so sensitive? Why don't they just give me a break?" You know, these people really love me. They just want to hear my voice. Who else is like that? Who else is going to just want to hear your voice in this life? They love you and they want to be with you.

So you know what you do? Instead of fighting back and getting into the crazy eight with them, you are fighting her, fighting your mum, your dad, the people you love, instead of taking what they said at face value and then saying things that you do not mean and saying things like "you are not a good wife", "you are not a good husband", "you are not a good mother", "you are not a good father", whatever else, you hug them, you come and you hug them.

You say, I miss you too. Even though they did not say that they missed you. You give them a little tickle, you make them laugh. You break the pattern, they smile, it cracks, it is over. You snap them out of the crazy eight, and they can speak to you logically. And you responded to what they actually wanted, that they just want your time, attention and love.

And honestly, we should be humbled that people love us this much, that they get upset when they do not see us enough. It should make us feel really loved instead of drawing you into this anger. So that is it. Stay away from that crazy eight.