Why Doesn't Your Life Change?

How does this enlightenment, this sudden change to Fitra come when it comes? A lot of times this will come in an instant because of a calamity in our life. We struggle throughout life, concerned about our spiritual well-being and how we can be more spiritual. We try to keep this Fitra alive within us and then something happens.

One incident in life, a miracle we witness or a calamity befalls us and that becomes a trigger. That becomes the spark, because of which, we suddenly gain this enlightenment. There is a sudden shattering of the ego. There is a certain growing of the wings. There is a certain metamorphosis that takes place.

The closer we come to enlightenment, the harder it becomes for us as well. Keep that in mind, because the ego has been with us since infancy. It is resisting change. It does not want to die. That is why many mystics have reported that when they are closest to enlightenment, they undergo severe depression. There is a hadith from Ameer ul-Mu'mineen, he says, 'Expect relief at the tightening of the chains. When the chains tighten the most, that is when you should expect relief.'

Fa inna ma'al 'usri yusra, inna ma'al 'usri yusra. (94:5-6) With hardship comes ease. Know with hardship comes. Allah knows your capacity so sometimes you are squeezed with a calamity and then there is a certain relaxation. You are left and then again you are squeezed and then you are left. Your capacity is being tested.

If you can withstand and the squeezing continues and you do not give up, it will shatter the ego. What will emerge then will be that beautiful butterfly. But we need to have that capacity to withstand, to have that faith with us while this happens.

An analogy I like to give about going from Tabi'a to Fitra or going from being egoic-driven to being enlightened is that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. That light at the end of the tunnel is that enlightenment we seek, that Fitra we seek. However to see that light, first and foremost, you must be willing to stand at the mouth of the tunnel.

When you stand at the mouth of the tunnel, there is a dark passage you must cross. Tabi'a is afraid of darkness, it is afraid of everything. Tabi'a I will say 'Don't go. We don't know what danger lurks. Turn and flee.'

Most people will turn and flee. The rare few who will have the courage to walk through the dark tunnel, which may be represented as depression or any other calamity, they will emerge on the other side and stand in that light.

Once they have crossed the tunnel, they will not know any fear. They will never come back. But even if they did, they have transcended the fear. You see, death itself is not as fearful as the fear of death. The most frightening human experience is the shattering of the ego. A lot of us are afraid when we die, the pain we will feel.

Don't worry about the physical pain. You could be in a hospital dying and they could give you drugs. You will not feel any physical pain, right? You hear of this all the time. People are in a coma, they get morphine, they die. It is not the physical pain. What is really afraid of death is not your real self because your real self knows you are eternal. You will never die. What is really afraid of dying is the ego, that false sense of 'I' that was created. That 'I' is afraid of even being diminished.

When you insult me, my ego is diminished. It is deflated. That is threatening. That is a sign that I might die. So to re-inflate, it takes a backlash. It will insult you back. It will fight back. It will go back and backbite about you, right. It will send a nasty email to you. Why? Because it needs to re-inflate, to regain its original sense of 'I'-ness. But at death, because the body falls apart and the brain falls apart and the mind falls apart, therefore that sense of 'I'-ness that was created by the mind must also go. It was an illusion. And that feeling of I am losing my sense of 'I'-ness, I am ceasing to exist, is the most frightening thing. It is a feeling like I'm going mad, I'm losing my mind. That is what we fear the most.

We have a choice. We can seek spirituality and allow that to happen with our own volition, or we can continue denying and pretending death does not exist. And then at the time of death, it is taken from us by force. And that makes it more frightening.

The same it is with whether we choose to be Tabi'a oriented or Fitra oriented. We have a choice. We can seek spirituality or we can continue denying.

Let us give an example from the Qur'an of how this happens when a person changes from Tabi'a to Fitra, how they overcome this fear of death completely, in an amazing way. The story in the example we take from the Qur'an is from the story of the Prophet Moses or Musa, alayhi assalam.

Fir'awn or the Pharaoh is a complete representation of total Tabi'a. When Allah wants to speak of oppressors of tyranny in the Qur'an he uses Fir'awn as the absolute embodiment of this dhulm, or of a taghut, He uses Fir'awn.

When Musa (a) comes back to Egypt with his brother Harun, alayhum assalam, Fir'awn sees the miracles he brings so he challenges him. He says, let us have a showdown. And because he is so confident, he says we will not do it now. He sets a day and he invites people from all over the country to say, come and witness how we defeat this Musa. He does not realise he is setting himself up for his own defeat. Then he has people sent out through his domain and he looks for the most accomplished magicians, the best of them, and they come to him.

Now, these magicians, as we all know, they repent. When they first come, they are Tabi'a driven just like you and I. But there is something in them. They have kept their Fitra alive, even though they continue with Tabi'a, even though they commit a major sin, which is the practice of witchcraft and magic. When the magicians came for this showdown, they said to Fir'awn. Now Fir'awn was a god to the people. He had said to them, "Ana Rabbukum ul-a'laa (79:24) - I am your exalted Lord.So they are talking to god now.

They say to Fir'aun, 'Is there any reward for us if we should overcome Musa this day?' And Fir'aun knows that they are Tabi'i driven, people who are Tabi'i driven are greedy. They want rewards, they are reward seekers. So he feeds into this reward. Verse 42, "Qala na'am wa innakum idhan la min al-muqarrabun" (26:42) He said, 'Indeed, indeed. Not only shall you have a reward, but you shall be amongst those who are closest to me. You shall be the elite, you shall be the muqarrabun'. So now there is the reward and then there is the prestige. There is the status. You are the closest to god.

We continue Surah Shu'ara chapter 26, verse 44. 'Fa alqaw hibalahum wa i'seeyyahum wa qalu bi'izzati fir'awna inna lanahn ul-ghalibun' (26:44) So they threw their ropes and their sticks on the ground and so confident, they swore in the name of their Lord. They said, 'Bi 'Izzati Fir'awn', by the might of the Pharoah, we this day shall be the victors. (26:44)

Now in Surat ash-Shu'ara, of course, the story of the serpent of Moses swallowing all their magic is given. The same thing is given in Suratul A'raf in chapter 7, verse 120-122 that when they saw that Musa had something that was real and theirs was magic, they played tricks on the eyes of people. The people saw the sticks and the ropes moving like snakes, but they knew this was just hypnosis. But they knew what Musa had was not magic. It was real.

Now 'wa ulqee yas saharatu sajadeen. (7:120) The Magicians fell down into prostration. 'Qaalu aamanna bi rabb il-a'lameen.' (7:121) They said 'We submit and believe in the Lord of the Universe' and then to make sure people didn't think this Lord was the Pharaoh, they said, 'Rabbi Musa wa Harun' (7:122) 'The Lord of Moses and Aaron'. Is this normal? But someone who has been a magician all his life or looks up to the Pharaoh as god, who worships him, who has been promised reward and status, he just sees one miracle and he changes one hundred and eighty degrees?

He now falls into prostration and is now saying 'I don't believe he's God, I believe in the Lord of Musa'. What we learn from here is that when enlightenment comes, it comes instantaneously. The ego believes I need time to be enlightened because the ego can only live in the past or the future. The ego believes one day I will read all the books in my library and become enlightened because that is future. It enjoys thinking about the future.

The present is painful. The ego believes one day I will memorise the whole Qur'an. One day I will become such a person that I will fast all day and pray all night, one day, because that is future. Where is the true self is screaming 'Not one day, today say La Ilaha illa Allah. Give up your desires and your Tabi'a today, surrender today'. Why when I go for Ziyarah then I will start wearing hijab? When I go for Hajj then I will start praying saalat. No, if you wish enlightenment you don't need time.

Time is an illusion itself and this itself is proof. They instantly change. Tabi'a needs to survive. It will fight for survival. It is afraid. It does not have courage. Courage. Overcoming fear of death is a quality of Fitra, unless you have become a completely Fitra individual. Appreciate the martyrs of Karbala through this. It is not easy to stand before a tyrant. It takes someone like Zaynab alayha assalam, or the fourth Imam, alayhi assalam, to stand in front of Yazid or to stand in front of Ibn Ziyad and say to them on their face 'You are a liar. My brother won this battle, not you'.

We want courage? We have to choose Fitra. We want to overcome the fear of death? We have to choose Fitra over Tabi'a. Until that moment of enlightenment, when suddenly we make a choice and there is a shattering of the ego and we completely transform from this caterpillar to butterfly, and we become this being of Fitra as opposed to a being that is driven simply by animal instinct and Tabi'a.