Using sex toys is not permissible, although husband and wife are allowed to enjoy themselves between themselves using their bodies but not other items like sex toys etc.
Every one from them should act according to his knowledge. If husband is fairly sure that penetration has occurred, he then needs to perform Ghusl of Janabah because by penetration, he has become a Mujnib. If the wife is sure that penetration did not occur, then she is not in Janabah because of that foreplay unless she reaches to orgasm.
Drinking wife's milk is not permissible according to obligatory precaution. This is according to Shia jurisprudence. Some Wahabi Shaikhs like Ibn Baz claims in his website www,binbaz.org that it is allowed for husband to drink his wife's milk.
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