We must refrain from any sinful act even if family and friends insist in it. You must refuse any sinful act. No one is more important to obey more than Allah (SWT). We disobey every one but never disobey Allah (SWT).
If they are mahram to each other then holding hands is permitted. So if they are 'engaged' meaning that they have either conducted a temporary or permanent aqd which has been read for them, then it's ok. If neither have been read for them yet, then they aren't allowed to physically touch each other regardless of what the parents say.
I am sure you know to what extent our religion stresses on obedience and respect to our parents, no matter how old we may be. The necessary actions you must take should in no way wait for your wedding, or be connected with anything else. It should be something immediate and straight away.
Let's say your circumstance is very difficult, like having an abusive parent, or a parent that was never in your life, or other scenarios that unfortunately could occur, it still does not mean you sever your ties with your parent. Maintaining the relationship is very important, and in the worst of cases, doing dua for them is the least you can do.
Always remember the hadiths that say our path to God is through our parents, and we will never enter Heaven if we are disobedient to our parents.
In your spare time, read the hadiths that are on this link:
This is a difficult, but unfortunately common situation. As young adults wish to commence their married life, their main focus is stability and building a relationship with their new partner.
Sadly, with some parents of different generations and incorrect mindsets, their focus is more on gaining social status, trying to please those around them, showing off wealth, etc.
Of course, at times parents might think that having a lavish wedding is their method of expressing their happiness and love, but indeed this is the wrong and un-Islamic way of doing so.
Alhamdullilah, the groom is conscious of these things, and his focus is on more important matters. The groom does not need to "donate" the money to the needy. Yes, giving sadaqah is good, but at the same time, this money that the parents want to use to spend of extravagent wedding can be used to invest in their future. For example, as a down-payment for their house, and so on.
I discuss these things in detail on a FB page I have. Please visit it:
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