Islam Dislikes Divorce, Not The Divorcee
Did Islam say no way divorce? Did Islam, for example, say yes, divorce as you want? No. Islam took the middle ground. Islam first and foremost recognised that these 2 may have not known each other before. Correct. Asit is how our marriages really work, correct? The two of them may know each other for six months. And you know that six month period is the best period of your life.
Because you know you can drop her home and go and chill with your friends. Yes. There is no nagging. When are you coming home? When are you going to be there? Where are you with? Everyone loves their engagement period. You have your fun with your girl and then you take her home and you say, MashaAllah, I am going to miss you. Get out of here quickly. Baba, let me go back to my friends.
The person enjoys that engagement period. But then, when the two of them get married to each other, we know very well they have come from different backgrounds. We know very well she has moved into a new house. It is not an E=mc squared relationship. These are two human beings with two different emotions, two different backgrounds. If there is not Sabr at the beginning, then there is a chance the trouble may not click. Sometimes, Islam says, you may be good friends, but not good husband and wife.
There are some people out there good friends, but there is no click physically. If there is no click physically, imagine husband and wife are good friends, but there is no click physically. If Islam says that you can't get divorced, then means you are telling me I have to live with someone all of my life. I am good friends with them, but I do not click physically. What do I do? I can't come near a person, or she can't come near me. If Islam said it is haram, divorce is wrong, then I have to stick with someone I do not like, will end up committing zina [adultery] correction or no. She will go her own way, I will go mine.
Islam said no. Islam said, we want the both of you to live in peace, but we also recognise that you are human beings. And you have different faculties, and therefore you may come to a conclusion that you can't live with each other. Islam therefore took the middle ground, that divorce is something which is allowed. But Islam reminded its followers, what? That the one act which shakes the 'arsh is divorce. Why?
Because Islam wanted to remind its followers. Divorce, number one, can have a domino effect on the community. When you two divorce, it is not just two who are divorcing. The families then are sensitive with each other. The community then has to break up friendships because my cousin divorced his niece. So Islam said, try and reflect your community makeup. And you know how much Islam concentrates on the community. Number one, your community makeup, it might be destroyed.
Number two: at the same time, if you have children, those children grow up without a father figure in their life. Or those children grow up in a single parent home. That child grows up without the discipline they may need. The father moves on to a new life. That is why be careful when you get married. Do not just divorce while there is children running around. Today you have people, two kids, three kids, and they find it normal. They turn around and they say, what? They turn around and they say that why should not I get divorced?
You reply back to them by saying, but Baba, if you get divorced, what is going to happen? You are going to leave this child to grow up, there is no father figure in their life. That child does not have that social stability. That child does not have that role model at home.
It is not that easy just to say, okay, us too, do not get on. How about the children? Sometimes the sacrifice may need to be made for the sake of the children. Therefore, Islam said divorce is allowed. But try and reflect on the permanent effects of divorce. Correct or no? Try and reflect that that divorce that has taken place, that may damage the very fabric of the society within which you live.
But did Rasul Allah want to put a stigma on those who are divorcees? No. You see, in our communities today, if someone is a divorcee, no one goes to approach them for marriage. You find people turning around and saying, that girl is a divorcee. Okay, she is a divorcee. What has she done wrong? What has she done wrong? Oh, do you know what I heard? Do not give me what I heard.
In a divorce, both are the problem, not one. We love to hear one side of the story. It is our nature, gossip. I can't wait for another divorce. Let us hear what happened. Correct, we love to hear one side. Mark my words, in a divorce, yes. unless you are a prophet of Allah or a Ma'sum, there are two sides to every story, correct or no? Do not put the blame on everyone. They turn around and they say, well, that girl is a divorcee. That girl may be a divorcee.
Number one, she may have done nothing wrong. Number two, even if she did do something wrong, how do you know she has not done tawba and changed? How do you know she did not do istighfar, as if you are an angel flying on the earth, and everybody else is a devil? Yes, MashaAllah, some of them. He is an angel walking around, and he is saying, you know what? She is a bad girl. Have you seen yourself in the mirror or no? Look at yourself, then you will see what a bad person is.
Rasul Allah, purposely married an ex-divorcee. Purposely. Why? Because the Arabs used to say, marrying a divorcee is embarrassing. Stay away from a divorcee. His cousin Zaynab was married to his stepson Zayid. Rasul Allah had adopted a young boy by the name of Zayid. Many times people ask me adoption in Islam, is it allowed or not? Of course it is allowed, Rasul Allah adopted. I have a majlis on this from five years ago, adoption in Islam.
Rasul Allah adopted Zayid when he adopted Zayid. Zayid married who? His cousin Zaynab. Now you know very well. Zaynab was from the aristocracy. Zayid was a servant. Rasul Allah wanted to break the idea, that you know what? There is an aristocracy and there are people who are low. Everyone is the same in the eyes of Allah. But the two of them could not get one and Rasul Allah could not force them to get one. Yes, I can't force my daughter to love the person. I can't force my cousin to stay in a marriage. So when they got divorced, who married her? Rasul Allah married Zaynab.
The Arabs at the time to marry a divorcee or to marry the ex wife of your adopted son was seen as a cultural taboo. You see, other than Bibi Khadijah, every other marriage of Rasul Allah was for a political or legal reason. Bibi Khadijah is the only marriage Rasul Allah married because of his love for her. The rest of them are either political or legal. This one wanted to introduce a law.
What is the law? The law that this one wanted to introduce was that a divorcee should not be a taboo in your community. If a girl gets divorced at 20, are you serious that she has to wait till 37, 38 until someone marries her? Are you serious that a girl who is 25, gets divorced and the whole community says you know what? Do not approach her. Why? She is divorced. But what has she done haram? Has she left Ahl Al-Bayt? Has she left the love of the Masu'min? Has she dishonoured her parents? No. Maybe her and the person they did not get on. He was from one country, she was from another, the cultures were different. He was from one country, she was from another, he was homesick or she was homesick. It can happen.
Rasul Allah therefore married an ex-divorcee. And you know what is good about Muslims? Muslims are very funny. The parts of Rasul Allah they want to take, they take, the others they reject. Correct or no? We love the areas that suit us. Rasul Allah there is something in his life that suits us, we follow. But when you tell Muslims, for example, you tell them Rasul Allah married someone older than him. Why do not you marry someone older than you? No, I can't. Rasul Allah is Sunnah. Correct?
Or Rasul Allah for example, married a divorcee. Will you marry a divorcee? Divorcee? You must be joking. She has a black cross on her. Which black cross? Who put the black cross? Who have you become, Maliki Yawm ad-Deen? If you are Maliki Yawm ad-Deen, put a black cross. Otherwise you are no one to put a black cross. Therefore, Rasul Allah wanted to show [that] Islam was balanced on divorce. Islam did not want to put a taboo on divorce. Islam wanted divorce to be approached rationally.
