Sexual

109161

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 2 weeks ago

Bismihi ta'ala

Sex is not everything in a marriage, but it is indeed a primary and very important part of it. Sexual incompetence is grounds for divorce. 

We have numerous narrations and rulings on this topic as well. A man asked Imam al-Sadiq (a.s.) about a woman whose husband was incapable of intimacy, and whether she should leave him. The Imam (a.s.) answered, Yes, if she wants to leave him. [al-Tahdhib, vol. 7, p. 431]. 

That being said, in regards to this specific question that has been asked, if there was such a huge age difference between them, why did she get married to him in the first place? Did she or her family not think of these things when they first got married? Can the problem be solved through medication? 

In any case, the wife does have the right to request a divorce if she chooses to do so. 

And Allah knows best. 

109168

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 2 weeks ago

Bismihi ta'ala

You would need to refer to the fatwa of your Marja' taqleed, however, the overall view is there is no need to perform ghusl janābah prior to engaging in having sex again. The second round or more would not be makruh.  

However, it is mustaḥab to wash the private parts, and also to do wudhu' as well. 

One thing that is highly makruh is sleeping while in the state of janābah, and this is something that must be avoided as much as possible. 

And Allah knows best. 

108728

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 3 weeks ago

I understand this is a sensitive subject and one that one should treat carefully.

While I can understand why this could come across as inexcusable in this day and age, to my understanding, in the past in that region, there were not very opportunities for earning an income or survival on your own without a family or tribe, and slaves were particularly vulnerable. So a slave-girl would be integrated into the man's household as part of the household (so in essence, part of the structure) in which he was responsible for her, and that was often strengthened through relations. That is, for men of means, the family household was often larger than just a wife and children. Conversely, it seems that at some point in early Islamic history, it became common for some men to essentially take a slave woman as a wife, rather than marry a free woman, perhaps because it was easier financially in some cases, or because he liked her, or because he preferred to marry a foreigner (and slaves tended to be foreign), or some other reason. So it is a complicated situation.

This is apart from the fact that when people live close together, it is natural to develop an inclination towards each other.

When you look at classical literature from the Muslim world, you do see a lot of mentions of situations where a slave-girl and the man appear to have a had a genuinely close and affectionate relationship, and even many of the mothers of the Imams (A) also came to their households that way. 

So in that regard, it could increase social stability, even though no one likes being a slave.

Of course that is not everyone's situation and I am sure there were unfortunate situations of hatred and compulsion too. Still, it doesn't seem to be the same as it was, for instance, in the US, where Black slaves were regularly treated like animals and raped. Similarly today, in some countries, some people also hire live-in housemaids from other countries and sexually harass them like they are objects, which is both impermissible and also quite different from the above model which seems to have had more long-term stability. 

God knows best.

108015

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 1 month ago

Bismihi ta'ala

If she did ghusl after her sexual climax, and has washed herself, then whatever the case may be after, she considers as pure. 

And Allah knows best. 

94400

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 1 month ago

I guess not.

However, keep in mind that, for a long time, and often still today, women have had less power (financial power, social power, etc) and so one this is of the main means of leverage women have had in order to get what they want or need. So it is nice to be sympathetic to that.

Also, at least it sounds like you are having a good and regular relationship with each other, which is something to appreciate, especially since it strengthens the marriage, whereas some married couples are not able to have a satisfying conjugal relationship. 

Perhaps some others will offer some advice. :)

107118

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 1 month ago

Bismihi ta'ala

As a religion, Islam encourages sexuality and sees sexual relations to not only be healthy and positive, but also religiously required. This is always an important point to remember, because if we compare the Islamic approach to sexuality with that of other religions, we will see how other religions see sex as something immoral, shameful or limited to the least level of intimacy. 

There are many mustahab things related to intimacy between the husband and wife, but also focusing on the personal/spiritual side as well. 

Certain acts that have surfaced in today's society, for the purpose of "spicing up" a relationship is due to a lack of personal connection or failing to have intimacy just by being with the partner. Boundaries of morality and legitimate relationships have turned many people to look for alternatives for sexual arousal. 

As Muslims, our emphasis is not just the physical side, but also the moral and spiritual connection with our partner. Our objective is to elevate our spiritual status and gain closer proximity to God. It is not just to feed our lust at any cost. 

A normal and healthy relationship will enable the partner to have sexual arousal without the need of crossing human moral boundaries. 

If someone needs whipping or physical humiliation to become sexually aroused, then do you really think they have a correct or healthy state of mind?

How can an honourable person have the urge of wanting to inflict pain on someone else for pleasure? That would be considered sickening. However, unfortunately because it something promoted by Western society, it becomes ok and many people do not see the harms of such acts. 

Almighty God has given us dignity, and we must always treat others in a dignified manner. Fulfilling sexual desires is an important thing, but not at the cost of removing our moral state or gaining animal traits. 

It's not just a matter of tying someone, or wearing handcuffs, but more than that. One might say there are different levels of BDSM, and there are acts that do not involve physical pain or humiliation. In such a case, if it is consensual and things are done in a dignified manner, then there would not be an issue. 

Ultimately, when it comes to fulfilling of sexual desires, dignity and respect is always important. 

With prayers for your success. 

101188

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 2 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

Touching something will not break one's wudhu`, unless it is the touching of a dead human body after it gets cold, and before it is washed. 

For anything else, najis or not, just touching it will not break wudhu`. Of course, if it is wet, and your hand gets contaminated with najasah, all you need to do is wash it. 

As for touching something dirty, the same thing, and no, from a shar'i perspective it is not necessary to 'wash' your hands if it is just dirty and not najis. 

And Allah knows best.

106138

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 2 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

In Islam, self-pleasure is forbidden and there are many mental, emotional, moral and physical harms to such practices. 

The husband has a shar'i and moral obligation of physical intimacy with his wife. If he does not do so, he is committing a sin and it will be grounds for divorce.

It is necessary for the husband to realise that physical intimacy is important for both sides, and will strengthen the bond between them. When he neglects the sexual needs of his wife, not only will she not feel valued, her heart will start drifting away from him. 

It is not just a matter of sexual pleasure between the husband and wife, but also to avoid any damaging effects or practices. Besides the fact that it is haram, her masturbating is no solution at all. 

If husband does not change his ways, they should seek intervention and visit a marriage counsellor. 

With prayers for your success. 

78670

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 2 months ago

Yes it is permissible.

Wassalam.

101862

Zoheir Ali Esmail, Shaykh Zoheir Ali Esmail has a Bsc in Accounting and Finance from the LSE in London, and an MA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University. He studied Arabic at Damascus University and holds a PhD... Answered 4 months ago

Bismillah

Thank you for your question. The cycle of porn and masturbation is a very difficult one to break, but at the same time it is a cycle that breaks masculinity. As such the first step is to really get to grips with why both porn and masturbation are bad for you and why they are such destructive habits that if not changed may rob you of a happy sex life in the future. The momentary guilt is not usually enough to break the cycle as the excitement after that guilt has passed will push you to repeat. As for porn the first step is to cut all access to porn and to put yourself in positions where you cannot really look at it, such as leaving your room door open, or facing your laptop such that family members walking by could see what is on the screen. And any other tactic that you can use to cut it out. For relapses you need consequences and to carry out those consequences. Such as a 10k run straight after. Some take a freezing cold shower every time they are about to consciously masterbate. These methods are hard but effective in really changing your psychology such that masturbation and porn are no longer attractive and you will think twice before doing them. But the key in kicking these habits is your determination. Do it for yourself and know that at the end what waits for you is your success in both worlds, your becoming in control of your destiny, your self respect and the respect of all those who know what its like to give up a destructive habit.

May Allah make you successful 

101743

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 4 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

This topic can be tackled from different angles. As you know, for married couples, intimacy and sex is a build up of emotional and affectionate interaction between the husband and the wife. It is not just about relieving oneself sexually. Are you tending to her emotions, and making her feel valued, and giving her time, and being at home.

Are you neglecting her, or treating her in a demeaning way, or abusing her, or are you promiscuous and getting involved with other women? 

How is your joint sleeping pattern. Do each of you sleep in different times, or separate from each other? Have you abandoned your bed, and do so for long periods of time? 

These are all scenarios that could lead to this underlying problem of lack of intimacy. Of course, it is also a build up as well, and will not just happen suddenly. 

If the wife is not interested in sex, it could be because of a variety of reasons, either stemming from personal issues, or underlying marital problems that are not being resolved. It could be hormonal imbalance, or mood. etc. 

Have you and her had a serious discussion about this. It would be advisable to see a specialist or a psychologist, or a female marriage counselling. 

In any case, if you have reached the stage of frustration, and did not wisely deal with the situation, and avoided solving the problems, then you have few options.

1. It is wajib for wife to do tamkeen, which is for her to comply with husband, in a healthy and positive way, as long as there are no other legitimate reasons to reject. 

2. If none of the above issues are applicable, and she does not want to solve things, then you must either get intervention from her family, be patient, or as a last resort, get divorced. 

3. I would recommend you find other means to "relieve your frustrations", because that would make your marriage and your relationship with your wife even more complex. 

Hopefully this quick answer will shed some light on how to look and deal with the situation you are in. 

With prayers for your success. 

101748

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 4 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

If this was accidental, and not in her control or on purpose, in that she was not "masturbating", then there is no sin and she does not need to pray for forgiveness. 

Of course, if she knows that doing certain things while exercising, or some kind of friction, etc, would sexually arouse her and lead her to reaching climax, then she must avoid that. 

And Allah knows best.