Divorce, also known as dissolution of marriage, is the process of terminating a marriage or marital union. Divorce usually entails the canceling or reorganizing of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage, thus dissolving the bonds of matrimony between a married couple under the rule of law of the particular country or state. Divorce laws vary considerably around the world, but in most countries divorce requires the sanction of a court or other authority in a legal process, which may involve issues of distribution of property, child custody, alimony (spousal support), child visitation / access, parenting time, child support, and division of debt.
If your husband pursues extra-marital affairs, either in the halal way (mut'ah or seeking a second wife), then you have the choice of either staying with him, or getting divorced from him.
Of course, such issues must be directly addressed, and his and your family be involved as well.
Your husband might be going through a phase, and needs a wakeup call for him to return back and focus on his marriage. If so, forgive him, and try to strengthen the relationship.
However, if after intervention he still pursues the new relationship, then you decide what you wish to do. To divorce him, or continue to live with him. Just know that you are not obliged to live under such circumstances.
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If the marriage between your father and her was consummated, she became your step mother and a Mahram for life even if she is divorced later on from your father.
If that really was the case, and you are a Shi'i Muslim, then the divorce is invalid and has no effect.
There are numerous conditions for an Islamic divorce to occur, and from what you have said, none of them have been met. Therefore, she is still your wife.
You do need to deal with your alcoholism. As a Muslim, you know of its severity and how spiritually, morally and socially damaging drinking is.
With prayers for your success.
In Shi'i jurisprudence, divorce has multiple conditions and requirements.
1. You must specify what type of divorce it is.
2. She must not be in her menstrual cycle, and you cannot divorce her if you have been intimate with her, which means you must way until she finishes her next cycle.
3. The divorce must be conducted in front of at least 2 highly-pious men.
4. The divorce formulate must be recited in correct Arabic, in the correct form.
5. Only 1 divorce can be given, which means a three-fold divorce in one setting is invalid.
If are angry, suppress your anger and do not allow your anger to overwhelm you. Divorce is not to be done out of anger, and it is not an easy thing to do. When you are angry, observe the Islamic etiquette of what to do, and stay calm.
If you have not met these conditions, then you are not divorced.
And Allah knows best.
In regard to your husband, have you noticed that there is any particular reason why he has become non practicing? Is there any way you could possibly influence him or take him to someone that can?
Divorce should be a last resort and as long as he says that he is still Muslim, your marriage would be valid. Also there is no sin upon you for the sins of your spouse. If however you exhaust all avenues and you find that such a marriage is lowering your faith as well, then you need to reevaluate whether this will be best for you in the long term.
At the same time remember, one’s faith can go up and down so try to remain patient as this could be a test. Try to help you husband regain his faith and make constant dua for him.
May Allah grant you success
Divorce is the most disliked permissible act أبغض الحلال إلى الله
Yet, if there is no way at all to reconcile and continue but to divorce, divorce has certain conditions without which it is invalid. One of conditions of divorce is two pious men to witness the declaration of divorce. If your husband is really willing to divorce you according to the Islamic rules, he can request a trusted person who knows Arabic to announce divorce on his behalf in the presence of two pious men. You should not be in your menstrual period nor during purity in which you had sexual inter course with your husband.
When you are still married, you are not allowed to think of another man at all. Even talking on phone or messaging him or any way of contact is not allowed. After you get your Islamic divorce and pass the Idda period after Talaq, then you will be allowed to do that.
There is no Islamic ruling that forbids contact between an ex husband and wife. Yes, they become non-mahram to each other, but their parent-in-laws do stay mahram to them. This means that although he is divorced, his mother-in-law still stays mahram. And the same for the ex-wife as well.
It would be the best thing for ex-partners to stay civil and have good conduct towards each other. It does not need to be hostile and a battle. The ex might be uncomfortable in the presence of their ex, that is understandable, but it is not forbidden or haram to have common interaction, like between any other non-mahram, along with observing the correct shar'i boundaries as well.
However, if there are children from that relationship, it would be necessary to have a positive and healthy relationship, or at least neutral and not hostile in any way. If there is a certain event that would bring both together, or a family gathering, or something of that kind, then it is absolutely fine to be there. You have a choice of attending, or excusing yourself. Whether you wish to interact or not, that is completely up to you.
It could be the case that there was violence in the relationship, for example, and therefore the ex-wife would not be comfortable at all in being in the same place as the ex-husband.
In any case, to answer your specific question, yes, it is allowed for her to accept the invitation, bearing in mind everything else I have mentioned.
And Allah knows best.
This question has already been answered. See:
The divorcee must get from her husband all her livelihood expenses for the whole period of Iddah. There is no fixed amount as it depends on the cost in the place where they live in.
If the type of divorce was a khul'i divorce, you are able to return during the 'iddah period, but with a new marriage contract. This means you will need to perform a nikah ceremony, along with its requirements.
That is the fiqhi answer, but of course it would be highly recommended for both sides to contemplate on what led to the initial divorce, and how healthy it is to rush back in so quickly. Establishing boundaries, putting conditions and understanding what needs to improve on both sides is extremely necessary in order to eliminate previous problems and happily live together.
And Allah knows best.
As long as she is under the age of "ya`s" or shar'i menopause, then she must observe 'iddah, which for her is not three menstrual cycles, but rather three full months.
In fiqh, a woman who is in the age of menstruating, but does not menstruate, she is referred to as mustarabah. Of course, it would be a good idea for her to refer to the specific view of her Marja' taqleed.
And Allah knows best.