Parents

A parent is a caregiver of the offspring in their own species. In humans, a parent is the caretaker of a child (where "child" refers to offspring, not necessarily age). A biological parent is a person whose gamete resulted in a child, a male through the sperm, and a female through the ovum.

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Zoheir Ali Esmail, Shaykh Zoheir Ali Esmail has a Bsc in Accounting and Finance from the LSE in London, and an MA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University. He studied Arabic at Damascus University and holds a PhD... Answered 2 weeks ago

Bismillah

Thank you for your question. Enjoining the good and forbidden the evil is dependent on the effectiveness of your actions or words, not on whether the person will feel bad for a time, even if that be your own parents. Rather, what is important is to maintain respect and gentleness if you think your message will reach open ears. 
 

As for playing haram music at your wedding you can state quite clearly that you would be opposed to that.

May you always be successful 

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 2 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

If a married couple, in their early stages of their marriage do not define how they are going to live their lives, especially with their interaction with each other's families, then there will be many ongoing problems. 

Defining your relationship with your family, and your in-laws, is very easy, even if they might be difficult to deal with. 

Your primary position is your obedience and loyalty to your parents. This is the Islamic principle, and that's how you live as a Muslim. Even if it means you are uncomfortable, or it isnt really what you want, but if it makes your parents happy, then that's what you should do. 

As for your parent-in-laws, they are now like your parents, so you treat them as you would treat your own parents. 

This is applicable to the husband and to the wife, equally. 

Let's be less sensative, and more accomodating to them as elders, from a different generation, from a different mindset. And all for the greater good, of keeping peace and harmony. 

Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a.s.) says: Do good and obey your parents so that your children will do good and obey you.

I've also come across a tradition about how cursed a spouse may be if they were to force their spouse to choose between them and their parents. 

Of course parents are more important. Not just more important that our spouse, but more important than ourselves. 

What if the husband/wife has no consideration, and cannot combine between their family and their parents. This is why it is so important for us to learn Akhlaq. 

You should never allow yourself to be in the situation where you have to choose between your spouse or your parents. You should also never put someone else in such a situation. 

Balance happens when you respect boundaries, and as I said, you have defined your relationship. You pay utmost attention to your husband/wife, and at the same time to accommodate to the needs of your parents and family members. You also never discriminate, and treat your in-laws the same. 

You have your own life now, and you are trying to build that, but you wont be able to create a loving caring atmosphere at home if you break bridges with others. That's why we shouldnt think that way, who is more important you or your parent, or who do you love more, your son or your daughter and so on.

We accomodate to each person around us in the befitting way, based on shar' and akhlaq.

With prayers for your success.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 3 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

A marriage should not be based on the answer of an Istikharah. You must decide on marrying the person based on a combination of things, from being religious, pious, high moral standards, good family, compatibility, shared ambitions, and so on. 

What you should do in the situation you are in is find commonalities and work on the areas in which both of you connect. If he is a good person, and he has positive qualities, for sure things will work out for both of you. It is unrealistic for anyone to assume that we will share all similarities with our spouse, as there are always going to be things we differ on. 

People change as well. You might not feel the connection because you were expecting something else, or had some image of an ideal spouse, or maybe you felt something else, but as you are married now, you are able to find ways in strengthening your bond with your husband. 

With prayers for your success.

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Zoheir Ali Esmail, Shaykh Zoheir Ali Esmail has a Bsc in Accounting and Finance from the LSE in London, and an MA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University. He studied Arabic at Damascus University and holds a PhD... Answered 3 months ago

Bismillah

Thank you for your question. There is no problem in praying once you are certain of the time even if others have not begun the recommended actions before prayer like azan.

May you always be successful 

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 3 months ago

Respecting and being nice to the parents should be always, but obeying them stops when it contradicts with the obedience of Allah (SWT). If they ask or order you to do wrong, you should not do wrong at all. There is no obedience for any one in disobeying Allah (SWT).
'Wassalam.

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answer updated 3 months ago

Yes it is permissible for husband's father to marry the mother-in-law of his son if she is widowed or divorced. Wife is Mahram for her father-in-law only not for his sons and husband is Mahram for his mother-in-law only not for her other daughters. This rule of being Mahram does not include the parents of the husband and wife. 
'Your mother-in-law must observe Hijab from your father but not from you. Obviously, when they are non-Mahram to each other, marriage between them is permissible.

Wassalam.

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 3 months ago

It's fine as long as there is no secondary reason why they can't marry (for instance, they have a blood relationship that prevents it, etc.).

Anyway I think it is rather sweet. I hope they are all happy!

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Zoheir Ali Esmail, Shaykh Zoheir Ali Esmail has a Bsc in Accounting and Finance from the LSE in London, and an MA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University. He studied Arabic at Damascus University and holds a PhD... Answered 4 months ago

Bismillah

Thank you for your question. To love Allah is to prefer Him to all else in your life and to be attached to him more than your attachment to other things. Love is a connection that matters to you and as such the love of God can be compared to other types of love. Indeed, Allah compares His love to other types of love in the Qur'an (see 9:24 for example). We are naturally in love with God, but that is sometimes confused by our attachments to other types of love. To develop the love of God, some sacrifice is required. The ordinances of our religion help develop that love and among those ordinances is reflecting on the bounties that Allah has bestowed on us, both continually and at various points in our life. It is natural to love those who are good to us, then what about He who is the source of every good in our lives?

May you always be successful

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 5 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

This is a difficult question, and maybe even sensitive for some, because we know that Islam unequivocally condemns abuse or physical violence towards other innocent people. 

We must always remember that many parents have not been given the correct method of upbringing, and many parents do not have the adequate skills to deal with parenting and the many pressures that it entails. 

As Muslims, we are taught to always show the utmost level of respect to our parents and our elders. How they reciprocate that and what they do or have done is something else. 

Allah ta'ala will judge them for what they have done. 

We must stay loyal to our parents, pray for them, visit them, be compassionate to them, and never sever ties with them. We must also ask Allah ta'ala to grant us the patience we need to make sure our love for them stays in our heart, even thought they might have hurt us. 

As long as you yourself know that you are not being insolent, or disobeying your parents, or not cutting ties. In regards to your inner feelings, there is nothing much that are able to do, because of the ongoing abuse, but it still does not allow you to disrespect your parents. 

Honour your parents, avoid things that would agravate them, or upset them, in what you do or say, try to get them to understand your position, and how its affecting you, maybe by getting intervention from elders, and most importantly always do dua for them.

With prayers for your success. 

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Mateen Charbonneau, Sheikh Mateen Joshua Charbonneau achieved a certificate from Harvard University in Islamic Studies. He undertook Howza classes under esteemed scholars since 2013 and has been teaching at Imam Mahdi... Answered 5 months ago

We should strive to maintain our family relationships and not break them off. 

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 5 months ago

The faith of the parents of the Prophet (SAWA) is a matter in which the majority of Muslim scholars have agreed that the parents of the Prophet were from the best of the believers.
 
Many evidences from the Holy Qur'an and authentic Hadith prove their faith.
 
In the Holy Qur'an in Surah ash-Shu'ara (26), verse 219, Allah (SWT) says "you're running on the believers who prostrate to Allah (SWT)".
 
Ibn Abbas narrated from the Prophet (SAW) that he said "the meaning of this verse is that Allah transferred me from person to person, from Prophet to Prophet until I became Prophet".
 
This hadith is mentioned in:
·        Majma al-Zawa'id by Al-Haythami (vol 7, page 86)
·        Musnad al-Bazzar
·        Al-Majma' by al-Tabarani
 
Al-Suyuti in his book of Tafseer known as al-Durr Al-Manthur (vol 4, page 238), narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said "Allah (SWT) transferred me from pious fathers to pious mothers, all purified and noble and made me always in the best parents best grandparents".
 
Al-Kattani in his book Nazm al-Mutanathir Min al-Hadith al-Mutawatir (vol 1, page 190) narrated the hadith from the Prophet (SAWA) that "all the fathers and grandfathers and mothers and grandmothers of the Prophet (SAWA) were with the pure tawheed".
 
Bajuri in his hashiya on Jawharat al-Tawhid mentioned that the narrations that the parents of the Prophet (SAW) were all best of believers are unanimous (tawatur).
 
Those who claimed that the parents of the Prophet (SAW) will be in hellfire are cursed. There is a narration in Sunni books which is in Mawahib al-Jalil (vol 6, page 386). The narration says that Abu Bakr ibn al-Arabi was asked by someone that a person had claimed "that the parents of the Prophet (SAW) will be in the hellfire - what do you say about him?" He said "he is cursed (mal'oon) because Allah mentions in the Holy Qur'an that those who hurt Allah (SWT) and the Prophet (SAW) are cursed in this world and the hereafer and they will be facing terrible and insulting punishment". Then he said "there is no hurting greater than claiming that his (SAW) parents are in the hellfire".
 
Al-Suyuti, the well known Sunni scholar, has written an entire book by the name of Al-ta'zim wa al-minna fi anna abaway an-nabi fi al-janna proving that the parents of the Prophet are in paradise. He mentioned in vol 1, page 25, that Jibra'il came to the Prophet (SAWA) and he told him "Allah is conveying salam to you and informing you that hellfire is forbidden on your fathers and your mothers and those who looked after you". "Your fathers" refers to Abdullah, "your mother" refers to Aamina and "those who looked after you" are Abu Talib and Faitma bint Asad.
 
The above quotations are from Sunni books only . 
As far as Shia faith, no doubt we (the followers of Ahlul Bayt) believe that the parents of the Prophet (SAW) are not only believers but also from the best of believers.
 
We read in the ziyaaraat of our infallible Imams that all the grandfathers and grandmothers were purified and the best of believers in Allah (SWT).
 
 
Wassalam.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 5 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

The topic of domestic violence is always an upsetting topic for anyone to discuss, because of the detrimental damages it has on everyone involved in it. It is natural for someone to get angry, or sometimes even furious, but for them to take it further and incur injury on someone else, that is unaccepted. Look at how much our religion tells us about suppressing our anger, and learning tactics on how to cool ourselves down, and to never ever transgress the rights of others.

Also, this injury doesn't necessarily need to be physical, it could also be mental and emotional. At times the effects and damages of emotional abuse lasts longer than physical. 

It makes it even worse when unfortunately we see some so-called "religious" people who's private life is completely different to their public life. In public, they are kind and friendly, but at home, in their private life, they are tyrannical, oppressive and violent. 

Dhulm, or oppression is one of the worst of sins, and indeed there is a harsh punishment waiting for that person who treats others unfairly and wrongs them in any way. 

As for you, the son/daughter, who is living in this situation. You really need to evaluate the situation and see to what extent is this happening, and how you are able to safeguard yourself. Have you tried to speak to relatives, or close family friends about this? Have you contacted a professional family counselor, preferably Muslim so they know your culture and how to deal with it. In serious cases, have you involved the police? 

Your parents are clearly going through a crisis through their lovelessness, and they are dragging you along with them. It could be that their emotional instability and fracturing of their relationship is taking a toll on those around them, and that is unfair. 

Pray for them, and whatever they do, still do dua for them, but dont let these things continue. This is an ibtilaa' Allah ta'ala has placed you in, so you need to stay strong to overcome it. 

Of course, only you can evaluate the situation, and see how to deal with these circumstances, but one important thing is if this is a reoccurring scenario, then you must protect yourself, and somehow make it stop. Whatever you are doing, it never justifies abuse, and therefore always remember that you should never blame yourself as well. 

I would strongly recommend you reaching out to someone in person, and seek intervention, and always stay strong, in shaa Allah.

With prayers for your success.