Marriage

Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a socially or ritually recognised union between spouses that establishes rights and obligations between those spouses, as well as between them and any resulting biological or adopted children and affinity (in-laws and other family through marriage). The definition of marriage varies around the world not only between cultures and between religions, but also throughout the history of any given culture and religion, evolving to both expand and constrict in who and what is encompassed, but typically it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually sexual, are acknowledged or sanctioned. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or considered to be compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity.

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 2 days ago

You would have to ask specific groups about their policies.

However, in general, it seems reasonable that a married couple might have more experience with the topic of marriage than a single person (unless it is a single person who was married for a long time and widowed, for example).

Of course, this is not always true, since a single person with a strong understanding of psychology and character, or who understands what makes two people compatible or incompatible, might also offer good suggestions for marriage. 

Also, the presence of a married couple might hopefully cut down on one of the main pitfalls in matchmaking, and that is when the matchmaker decides to get personally involved with the client in a way that is not in their best interest and which is ethically inappropriate. (For instance, a man decides he should act as a guardian of an unrelated female in marriage matters, then he uses that authority dynamic to pursue a relationship with her.)

Still, there isn't any specification about this and if anyone, single or married, can successfully help two compatible people get married, inshallah they would enjoy divine reward. 

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Zoheir Ali Esmail, Shaykh Zoheir Ali Esmail has a Bsc in Accounting and Finance from the LSE in London, and an MA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University. He studied Arabic at Damascus University and holds a PhD... Answered 3 days ago

Bismillah

Thank you for your question. In itself there is no limit to the amount of temporary marriages a man can contract.

May you always be successful 

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Zoheir Ali Esmail, Shaykh Zoheir Ali Esmail has a Bsc in Accounting and Finance from the LSE in London, and an MA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University. He studied Arabic at Damascus University and holds a PhD... Answered 1 week ago

Bismillah

Thank you for your question. Below is the response from the office of Ayatullah Makarim Shirazi (hA)

May you always be successful:

Wa Alaykum Assalaam

If the Talaq formula is recited with all its conditions, Talaq is valid and she can get married after Iddah period. 

Issue No.2135- A man who divorces his wife must be sane, and as an obligatory precaution, he must also be mature, and he should divorce her out of his will. Hence, if someone compels him to divorce his wife, the divorce will be void. It is also necessary that he seriously intends to divorce. If, therefore, he pronounces the formula of divorce sarcastically, the divorce will not be valid.

Issue No.2136- Based on obligatory precaution, the formula for divorce should be pronounced in correct Arabic, and it is obligatory that two just men hear it. If the husband himself wishes to pronounce the formula for divorce, and his wife’s name is for example, Fatima, he should say:
زَوْجَتِي فاطِمَةُ طالِقٌ
“Zawjatī Fatima Ṭāliq”
(My wife Fatima is divorced)
And if he appoints another person as his representative to pronounce the formula of divorce, the representative should say:
زَوْجَةُ مُوَکِّلِي فاطِمَةُ طالِقٌ
“Zawjatu Muwakkilī Fatima Ṭāliq”
(Fatima, the wife of my client is divorced).

Issue No.2137- It is necessary that at the time of divorce, the woman is pure from ḥayḍ (menstrual blood) and nifās (lochia or birth bleeding), and that the husband should not have had sexual intercourse with her during that period of purity, and if he had sexual intercourse with his wife while she was in ḥayḍ or nifās preceded by purity, the divorce is not sufficient as an obligatory precaution, rather she should enter ḥayḍ once again and become pure, and then she can be divorced. (The details of these two conditions will be given in the succeeding issues).

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 2 weeks ago

Bismihi ta'ala

The first question is why did he do an Istikharah if he is absolutely convinced on wanting to marry you? 

Either he is two-minded and indecisive about it, or he's confused, or he doesn't know what istikharah is. 

He must first make his firm decision on what he wishes to do, and whether he wants to marry you or not. 

As for the istikharah turning out negative, what he can do is pay sadaqah, wait a while, see if circumstances have changed, see if he is decisive about his plans, and then either go ahead with marrying you or not. If he's still reluctant, then neither he nor you should waste any more of your time. Wish each other the best, and pursue your lives without being worried, as for sure more marriage opportunities will come your way.

With prayers for your success.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 2 weeks ago

Bismihi ta'ala

In principle it is permissible to conduct a nikah ceremony over the phone, as long as all necessary requirements are met. Among these requirements are:

1. Consent given by the bride's guardian. 

2. From a social and akhlaqi perspective, the groom has also obtained the blessings of his family.  

3. Mahr having been agreed upon by both parties. 

4. It is highly recommended for there to be witnesses who are witnessing the ceremony, and can also sign any documentation the person conducting the nikah might issue. 

5. Anything else that would be required legally, or Islamically. 

6. I would also recommend that the bride and groom learn their lines, and read about the process for the Islamic marriage contract, so they are aware of the procedure. 

And Allah knows best. 

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Mateen Charbonneau, Sheikh Mateen Joshua Charbonneau achieved a certificate from Harvard University in Islamic Studies. He undertook Howza classes under esteemed scholars since 2013 and has been teaching at Imam Mahdi... Answered 2 weeks ago

We should strive to maintain our family relationships and not break them off. 

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 1 month ago

Technically you are married (even if psychologically or socially you are single), so if you want to marry someone else, you should first get a divorce, and then observe iddah if necessary.

Istikhara is not appropriate for a thing which is inherently forbidden (and to marry someone else while you are married is forbidden).

This is why it is not a good idea to let a nikah without an actual marriage hang for a long time, whether it is as an engagement or after marriage. Of course it happens and I am not saying it is your fault personally, as usually it is the fault of society, but I am just saying it is not a healthy situation.

Anyway I hope you can resolve your marital situation soon (or, rather, dissolve it, if that is your intent).
 

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 1 month ago

Yes.

Why would God punish or restrict a woman due to her paternal lineage to only allow her to marry a certain group of men, whereas other Muslim women are allowed to marry any Muslim man? 

However, I do think it's advisable to take sect into consideration when marrying, and to make sure that the husband and wife have compatible ideas about religion, especially if there is the possibility of children. However, this is general advice, not related to one's lineage.

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 month ago

Your wife has misunderstood the Islamic rule in this matter. Mahram is the person who is permanently forbidden for marriage with her under any circumstance for life e.g. her real brother , real uncle, real father, father in law, her son and son in law. Her sister's husband is not permanently forbidden to marry her, but only when her sister is his wife. If she dies, God forbid, or if she is divorced from him, marriage will be then allowed between this man and any of the unmarried sisters of his ex-wife.

Her sister's husband is not Mahram at all and must observe full Hijab in front of him like any other non Mahram man.

Wassalam.

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 1 month ago

Bismihi ta'ala

It is very important for your respected wife to educate herself about the definition and rulings related to maḥram/non-maḥram cases. 

Unfortunately she is misinformed, and has only half of the facts correct.

In Islam, a man cannot marry two sisters at one time, but this does not mean that the wife's sister becomes maḥram to the husband, nor does it mean that the sister's husband becomes maḥram to the wife's sister.  

So, although he cannot marry his sister's wife as long as he is married to his wife, it still does not mean that she becomes maḥram to him. 

It is still haram for him to see her without hijab, or look at her with lust, or shake her hand, or be alone with her, and so on.

This is a view that all our jurists have. 

As for the case of her staying at their home, if all other shar'i matters are observed, yes she can. 

And Allah knows best. 

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 1 month ago

It's up to you to decide whether you and this person share the same ethical values that would likely lead to a good marriage.

However... this may be a cause of "if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer." (That is, if it weren't a concern to you, you wouldn't ask; inside, you already know what you should do but may be second-guessing yourself.)

Anyway, here are some things you could consider:

  • Why prostitutes instead of a girlfriend? (Unless it he lives somewhere strict where he couldn't have a girlfriend, which is increasingly rare) I am not advocating having a girlfriend. (Please, no angry emails!) However, if someone has a girlfriend, they are at least demonstrating the emotional and personal maturity to invest in a relationship. Paying for company can be a way of avoiding the inconvenience of actually having a relationship. Is there any hint that this person might have difficulty with emotional commitment to a relationship?
  • How do you feel about the religious aspect of violating the command of Allah, and do you share the same religious values and worldview presently?
  • How do you feel about the objectification of women involved in paying for services?
  • Once a person has done something once, they may do it again. How would you feel if he continued this during your marriage?
  • If you are coming from a conservative or cautious religious background (for instance, no dating), it might not be a good match. Among other things, there may be resentment that he was indulging while you were trying your best to be chaste. Also, some women might feel insecure about the possibility of being compared to a professional sex worker.
  • Has he been tested for STD's?
  • And, how important this marriage is to you? Do you feel like this man is your soulmate and you will be losing out on a big opportunity in life if you pass up on this marriage? Or is it just that you're ready to get married and he happens to be around? 

(While some of the above is inherently critical, I do think it is good he is being honest about it rather than hiding things)

These are just some thoughts, but in the end it is your decision, I hope and pray that what happens is the best for both of you. 

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 1 month ago

Bismihi ta'ala

As you know, the primary requirements for spouse selection is that the prospect spouse adheres to religious precepts and carries high moral standards. 

These two conditions are of utmost importance. This is why both men and women must keep our chastity and be as righteous as we can, which means that we save ourselves for our spouse-to-be, and try to observe as much Jihad al-Nafs in avoiding pursuing our lusts until marriage time. 

Of course, this is why it is so important to get married at a young age. It's also why we need to preserve our dignity and keep a good reputation. Obviously, sleeping around with prostitutes goes against all of these basic social and moral requirements that any wife would want. 

We might say that this person has a bad past, and that he regrets it and is shameful of it, so why hold it against him. 

The answer to this is, yes, we should not hold something against someone who has changed their ways, but it is still a risk of to what extent can one rely on their past not affecting or not creeping up again. What kind of assurance is there that such an individual has not turned into a promiscuous person, or maybe even a womaniser. 

I would say that although this is something confidential, and personal, for you to completely dismiss it and go ahead with the marriage, such a decision might have negative repercussions. 

Please consult with your family members, do some further background investigation into this person's life, and do not emotionally invest into anything unless you are absolutely confident that you are making the right decision. 

With prayers for your success.