Respect

71879

I just got married and I understand that respecting your husband and showing love and affection is very important. What can I do if I have tried but have not received love and respect in return?

Rebecca Masterton, Dr Rebecca Masterton graduated with a BA in Japanese Language and Literature; an MA in Comparative East Asian and African Literature and a PhD in Islamic literature of West Africa. She has been... Answered 4 months ago

Did your husband get into the marriage willingly or unwillingly? If he was pressured into the marriage and was not naturally inclined towards it, then this will have a major impact on whether he wants to show love and affection. Also, what was his upbringing? Was he raised in a household that does not show love or affection? Was he neglected emotionally as a child? Also, what are his family's ideas on marriage? Is it just a formality where everybody plays their role? Is your marriage based upon friendship? I.e. are both of you friends and allies? Do you have conversations with each other? Are you from different cultures and have different understandings about Islam? Have you spoken to him about how you notice that he does not demonstrate love or affection, and asked him why that is?

94395

Children . Parents . Respect . Domestic violence

Does Islam expect children to treat their parents with respect even if they have been subjected to extreme physical abuse by their parents and have only fear and no respect left in their heart for them?

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 7 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

This is a difficult question, and maybe even sensitive for some, because we know that Islam unequivocally condemns abuse or physical violence towards other innocent people.

We must always remember that many parents have not been given the correct method of upbringing, and many parents do not have the adequate skills to deal with parenting and the many pressures that it entails.

As Muslims, we are taught to always show the utmost level of respect to our parents and our elders. How they reciprocate that and what they do or have done is something else.

Allah ta'ala will judge them for what they have done.

We must stay loyal to our parents, pray for them, visit them, be compassionate to them, and never sever ties with them. We must also ask Allah ta'ala to grant us the patience we need to make sure our love for them stays in our heart, even thought they might have hurt us.

As long as you yourself know that you are not being insolent, or disobeying your parents, or not cutting ties. In regards to your inner feelings, there is nothing much that are able to do, because of the ongoing abuse, but it still does not allow you to disrespect your parents.

Honour your parents, avoid things that would agravate them, or upset them, in what you do or say, try to get them to understand your position, and how its affecting you, maybe by getting intervention from elders, and most importantly always do dua for them.

With prayers for your success.

90852

Women . Respect . Mahram . Man . Salah (Prayers)

Why do women stand behind men in prayer? I read somewhere that it was to respect them and to prevent the men from staring at them and that makes sense to me. But why do they have to follow that rule in their own homes with Mahram relatives?

Bismihi ta'ala

This is an interesting question, and it can be tackled from different angles.

In general, the ruling is that a female (mahram or non-mahram) cannot pray beside or in front of a male. This is not purely a matter of preventing men from unlawful glancing, because if that was the case, then a wife could pray in front of a husband.

Islam focuses on elevating the status of a women beyond her being sexualised by others, and even by herself. This can be seen not only in mandating hijab, but even in the obligatory or recommended (mustahab) acts in prayer, like how she prostrates, and how she stands back up.

This is all for the purpose of preserving her modesty, and also to eliminate any likelihood of a lustful gaze (haram or halal), during prayer in particular, for the purpose of gaining that absolute concentration in prayer.

Of course, we are assuming that this is just one of the reasons behind the ruling. It's similar to the story of Prophet Moses (a.s.) and the daughters of Prophet Shu'ayb (a.s.). However, the reality is that like many other rulings, we do not have the precise reason for it. There could certainly be more reasons.We are just assuming that it is a matter of convenience and a spiritual matter for concentration, but it could be more than that.

The main issue is in prayer we need to attain ḥudhūr al-qalb, which is presence of the heart.We need to be concentrating completely on our prayer, and remove anything that would distract us.

We understand that it is also the very natural structure of the female that Almighty God has created with her beauty and attraction that could contribute to a male (her mahram or non-mahram) being distracting and glancing at her.

Please look at all the other rulings for prayer, which can also hint to how important it is to avoid loss of concentration, like praying in front of an image, etc.

It could also be for convenience, so a woman does not feel embarrassed or exposed when she is bending down for ruku' or sujud.

And so on.

Furthermore, please refer to your Marja' taqleed on this ruling, because there are some jurists who consider it mustahab, and not wajib.

And Allah knows best.

76778

Respect . Sayyid . Sin

What are the virtues, rights and obligations of a Sayed? What are the ways for a non-Syed to show respect for a Syed? Is it true that Syeds will have it harder than others on the Day of Judgement when accounting for their sins?

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 year ago

Sayyed belongs to the family tree of the Prophet Muhammad (SAWA), that is why he should respect and act upon the teachings of the Prophet (SAWA) and Ahlul Bayt (AS).

Pious Sayyeds have great rule in history of Muslims in spreading the message of Islam in many countries. Great number of our Maraaji' of Taqleed, leading scholars, authors and teachers are Sayyeds.

Some of the scholars stated that the good deeds of Sayyed will have more reward, while bad deeds from him will cause him more hardship. They mention the Quranic verse 33:30 ( يضاعف لها العذاب ضعفين )as an evidence which states doubling the punishment of the sins if committed by a wife of the Prophet (SAWA). Sayyeds should keep the respect of the Prophet (SAWA) and Ahlul Bayt (AS) in their behavior.

Every Muslim must respect the Sayyeds and help them as far as he can.

The Prophetic Hadeeth states: Love Allah, for His bounties on you, and love me for the love of Allah, and love my Progeny (Ahlul Bayt) for my love.

We have many Hadeethes encouraging Muslims to be kind, co-operative, helpful and respecting Sadaat (Sayyeds) being from the family tree of the Prophet (SAWA).

Wassalam.

62848

Hijab . Respect . Interfaith dialogue

Do we have to correct someone who does not wear Hijab properly or stop followers of other religions from worshipping idols? Or do we have to accept and respect them?

Muslim is responsible to rectify himself and others as much as he can. Amr Bil Ma'roof and Nahi Anil Munkar is one of very important obligatory duties on every Muslim just like Namaz, fasting, Zakat, Khums, Hajj etc.

We must try our best to correct ourself and others as much as we can, but we have to be polite with others and never hurt their feelings. We have to have wisdom and good advice when calling people to the Way of Allah ( 16:125).

We are not allowed to be negative in front of wrong faith or wrong behaviour, because negative attitude can indirectly endorse or encourage wrong. We must try to do our best to help others and make them aware about the truth and never leave them indulging in wrong when we can help them. It is very important to do this responsibility with wisdom and good way of advice.

We respect every human being because Allah has granted honor to all human beings (17:70) and we feel for them and been ordered to help them as much as we can. Respecting others does not mean letting them do wrong, and accepting them does not mean accepting or endorsing the wrong.

Wassalam.

58841

Respect . Islam . Sayyid

I respect Syeds but do not understand why a special treatment is given to them by Islam even today when they have equal opportunity and are not being specifically targeted by tyrants as was the case in history?

The Special treatment to Sadat who are the grandchildren of the Prophet Muhammad ( SAWA) is based on the respect and love to the Prophet ( SAWA) and his Holy Progeny ( AHLUL Bayt) (AS).

The great services rendered by the Prophet and his Ahlul Bayt to the whole Muslim Ummah can not be thanked at all by us, but Allah (SWT) has told the Prophet in Quran to tell Muslims : I do not ask you ( for my efforts ) any remuneration but only the love and kindness to my Progeny. ( Sura 42, Verse 23).

The Prophet (SAWA) told Muslims : Love Allah for what he is showering on you from His bounties, and love me for the love of Allah, and love my Progeny Ahlul Bayt for my love.

( Tirmithi , number 3792,

and Al-Mustadrak by Al-Haakim 3/150)

He also said in another authentic Hadeeth : No one from you Muslims will be real believer in Allah until he loves me and my Progeny Ahlul Bayt more than his love to himself and his family.

Kanzul Ommal 70/91.

We must show our respect to the grandchildren of the Prophet (SAWA) and Ahlul Bayt (AS) for the sake of Allah and love and respect to the Prophet and Ahlul Bayt.

Poor Sadat are not allowed to utilize Zakat from people, that is why Allah has kept for them the right in half of the Khums as far as they are really needy.

The history of Muslims has hundreds of incidents of the sufferings of Sadat by the enemies of Ahlul Bayt and it is still going on in many places.

Respecting the grandchildren of the Prophet and Ahlul Bayt is one of the signs of real Faith and respect to the Prophet and Ahlul Bayt.

Wassalam.

47889

Respect . Mother . Son

My son is turning 18 and he does not give me the respect due to a mother. As I have done what was due from Allah, is it alright for me to ignore him now?

Nour Tessie Jørgensen, Nour Tessie Jørgensen has an MA in Islamic studies from the University of Copenhagen, Denmark and a degree in Philosophy of Ethics at Al Mustafa International University in Qum, Iran. She works as... Answered 2 years ago

No you can never ignore your child, you must be a role model and an example. If he is disrespectful there might be a reason, nobody grows up to become disrespectful by themselves. You must understand the reasons behind, and see the bigger picture. All of us react differently and even our child may grow up to become totally different than us, but we must continue to love them unconditionally and show them a path of beauty and compassion.   Imam Zayn al-Abideen as-Sajjad (alayhi salam) taught us that only goodness can erase evil, and it is very beneficial to read his dua makarim al-akhlaq every day, especially when you are going through hardship.

Keep in mind these phares:

  “Make me worship You
but do not let my worship be corrupted by conceit.
Let good flow out from my hands for people,
but do not let me erase it by making them feel obliged.
Grant me the highest moral traits,
but protect me from vanity.
O Allah, bless Muhammad and his family,
Raise me not a single degree with people
unless You have lowered me an equal amount,
whithin myself.”

“O Allah, bless Muhammad and the family of Muhammad.
Replace for me;
the enimity of the people of hatred with love,
the jealousy of the rebellious people with affection,
the suspicion of the virtuous people with confidence
the enmity of the close ones with friendship,
the disrespect of relatives to devotion,
the desertion of the close ones with help,
the attachment of flatterers with reformed regard,
the rejection of associates with good behaviour,
and the bitterness of the fear of oppressors
with the sweetness of security.
O Allah, bless Muhammad and his family,
Give me,
a hand (power) over one wrongs me,
a tongue over one who disputes with me,
and a victory over one who stubbornly resists me.
Grant me,
craftiness against one who deceives me,
power over one who oppresses me,
refutation of one who accuses me falsely,
and safety from one who threatens me.
Give me the success to,
obey one who directs me to what is proper
and follow one who guides me to what is right.”

You must find it in yourself to love him, and let your love erase his errors. You must find it in yourself to be an example of compassion and patience.