Love

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 2 months ago

Islam has some matters that are fixed and other matters that are flexible. If Islam did not have any flexibility, and only prescribed one rigid standard for every matter of life, it would not have been able to spread to different cultures, time periods, and ways of living. 

So, with respect to marriage, Islam prescribes certain things, such as performing a marriage contract, forbidding incestuous marriages, and abstaining from adultery.

However, it does not prescribe whether or not a marriage should be a "love marriage".

This allows for accommodation between different individuals, cultures, situations, and lifestyles. 

However, some Muslims are very sensitive on this point due to a sense of cultural clash, or cultural warfare, and feel it is necessary to preserve one approach to marriage or another as "the Islamic view". 

As for what sort of marriage succeeds best, perhaps this has more to do with certain compatibility factors, a mutual spirit of commitment, and the support that the society offers for marriage and family life - some countries are more family-friendly than others.

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 2 months ago

Islam is the word of Allah to guide mankind to peaceful and happy life. Marriage is a human need which aims not only to continue the human generations but also to provide peace and tranquility. Islam guides to be careful in selecting in marriage and keeps two main criteria which are: Religious practice and morals, as the Hadeeth says: إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخُلُقَهُ فزَوِّجوه 

We also have Hadeeth to guide men in selecting a wife stating to select a religious women, you will then gain a great treasure. فاظفَر بِذاتِ الدين تَرِبَت يداك 

Love marriage depends on the reasons of the love and whether the love is caused by desires only or logical reasons as well. Desires will never remain forever but rational reasons remain. If the reasons behind love are supported by rational evidence that the marriage will remain and form a good and peaceful family, then such love marriage is good. But if the love is blind as it is said, and does not have insight for the future, then we have to be careful. Millions of love marriages ended in divorce or in miserable situations. Though it is not the case in every love marriage but in many.

Love only as an emotion can never justify marriage nor guarantee a successful future, unless there are reasonable or satisfactory factors to support the future harmony in understanding the aims of life and the way to achieve it according to the orders of Allah (SWT).

Love between husband and his wife is a great bounty from Allah and it is from the great signs of Allah as we read in Quran: (And among His signs that He created for you mates from you (humans) so that you get in them tranquility, and He put between you affection and mercy)Sura 30, verse 21.

Love which remains is essential for marriage even if it grows after marriage but love which does not remain is a misguiding desire. We need our youth to build their family life on permanent love which continues.

Wassalam,

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 3 months ago

You can seek from Allah (SWT) to make this person your husband if He knows that he is suitable for you. Your emotions are based on your thinking or sentiments or dreaming, but you don't know the reality of that person nor you know the future. Allah knows everything and He gives the believers the best that He knows for them. You seek from Allah to grant you what He knows the best for you, not what you think it good for you. Keep you supplication conditional according to the best that Allah knows for you.

Wassalam.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 5 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

As Muslims, we do not believe in caste, and we rather condemn such an attitude. Our criterion for evaluating someone is piety, as the Quran says. It is unfortunate that some parents still carry such a mentality, and hopefully one day we will all be able to implement our religion in the best way possible. 

That being said, you must take into consideration compatibility and overall mindset of who it is you are marrying. There must be a good level of compatibility for you and your future spouse to have a successful marriage. It would be best for an elder or a local scholar to somehow discuss this topic with your parents, if you see this suitor to be appropriate for you to marry. 

Do not allow this to escalate, or turn into major problems, and try to deal with it in a calm and wise way. 

As for "love marriage", this is an unfamiliar term in Islam. For us, it is either marriage, or not. Love is one thing, and legitimacy of a relationship between two non-mahram people is another. 

With prayers for your success. 

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 6 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

It is not a sin for a couple to stay married and their marriage be loveless. Marriage is one thing, and love is another. However, a loveless marriage and a cold relationship is not ideal at all. It does affect both sides, and the household as well. Both husband and wife my strive to do something about their feelings towards each other and find ways of re-igniting their love towards each other. It is not healthy at all for them to stay loveless, and it will create a lot of toxicity between them. 

In any case, from a fiqhi perspective, if the wife chooses to stay in the relationship under such circumstances, it is not a sin.

And Allah knows best. 

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Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 7 months ago

I can't quite figure out the Arabic text of these quotations in English, in order to discuss them, so it would be helpful if you could write the exact texts in Arabic, or give a reference.

The closest narrations that come to mind are:
* It is narrated that the best form of ibadah is love for the Ahl al-Bayt (A). 
* There is a narration in the Sunni books that a man who is bodily injured by someone (such as in a fight) and forgives that has offered a form of charity to the person who injured him. 

Anyway, there are a lot of hadith attributed to the Prophet (S) saying "the best form of worship is..." and "the best form of charity is...", and sometimes different things are mentioned.

From this, one gets the sense that the intent behind the text is often to say that "this is a good thing to do" and encourage people to do it, not that there is a hierarchy of different types of charity or worship, and only one of them is at the top.

(Except in a case where the text is very clear that this is the absolute best thing to do and specifies that it really is meant to be better than anything else.) 

Of course, there are many hadith encouraging charity (whether it be material assistance, or other forms of generosity such as kindness or assistance), forgiveness, and love (apart from love towards the vicious or enemies of God). 

(Note that someone else may recognize what texts are being discussed here and have a better answer!)

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This requires a special understanding and cognition of the reality and continuous presence and grace of God in our lives and the nature of our connection with Him as well as our utter dependence on Him.

You may find useful to watch this recently concluded series of lectures by Sh. Javad Shomali.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QYGGxWb_Cg

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 11 months ago

Muslim woman is not allowed to marry non Muslim man under any circumstance until and unless he becomes a Muslim.

 We are allowed to pray to Allah for non Muslim to be guided and to see and follow the true religion of Islam.

Wassalam.

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 year ago

Istekhara is seeking guidance from Allah (SWT) in any matter which is permissible in principle and we are unable to decide about it.

If you have already decided an action, there is no point in Istekhara after you have decided.

'Loving something does not mean that it is good for us. Millions of people suffered a lot from things which they loved sometime then discovered later that love was based on mirage not facts. Sensible persons do not rely on love only but on intellect and factual reasons. If you are not sure whether your love is based on facts or emotions, you can go for Istekhara to be guided.

Wassalam.

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Rebecca Masterton, Dr Rebecca Masterton graduated with a BA in Japanese Language and Literature; an MA in Comparative East Asian and African Literature and a PhD in Islamic literature of West Africa. She has been... Answered 1 year ago

Did your husband get into the marriage willingly or unwillingly? If he was pressured into the marriage and was not naturally inclined towards it, then this will have a major impact on whether he wants to show love and affection. Also, what was his upbringing? Was he raised in a household that does not show love or affection? Was he neglected emotionally as a child? Also, what are his family's ideas on marriage? Is it just a formality where everybody plays their role? Is your marriage based upon friendship? I.e. are both of you friends and allies? Do you have conversations with each other? Are you from different cultures and have different understandings about Islam? Have you spoken to him about how you notice that he does not demonstrate love or affection, and asked him why that is? 

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Zoheir Ali Esmail, Shaykh Zoheir Ali Esmail has a Bsc in Accounting and Finance from the LSE in London, and an MA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University. He studied Arabic at Damascus University and holds a PhD... Answered 1 year ago

Bismillah

Thank you for your question. To love Allah is to prefer Him to all else in your life and to be attached to him more than your attachment to other things. Love is a connection that matters to you and as such the love of God can be compared to other types of love. Indeed, Allah compares His love to other types of love in the Qur'an (see 9:24 for example). We are naturally in love with God, but that is sometimes confused by our attachments to other types of love. To develop the love of God, some sacrifice is required. The ordinances of our religion help develop that love and among those ordinances is reflecting on the bounties that Allah has bestowed on us, both continually and at various points in our life. It is natural to love those who are good to us, then what about He who is the source of every good in our lives?

May you always be successful

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 year ago

Allah, The Most Merciful, Most Compassionate, created us to shower on us His Mercy and bounties. He is showering on us countless bounties and protecting us from countless harms. His Sympathy on us is more than ten times of the sympathy of the mother on her child acceding to Hadeeth.

He wants us to appreciate and thank Him for His bounties so that He grants us more bounties. لئن  شكرتم لأزيدنكم

We are required to admit and confess our sins and seek forgiveness so that He foregives us.

Wassalam.