Engagement

An engagement or betrothal is the relationship between two people who want to get married, and also the period of time between a marriage proposal and a marriage. During this period, a couple is said to be betrothed, intended, affianced, engaged to be married, or simply engaged. Future brides and grooms may be called the betrothed, a wife-to-be or husband-to-be, fiancée or fiancé (from the French), respectively.

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Engagement . Marriage

What is the process for engagement and marriage in Shia Islam? Do you need a Sheikh to get engaged or just for the marriage?

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 7 months ago

It is not required to have a shaykh to perform an Islamic marriage ('aqd, nikah).

However, in most cultures, a religious, spiritual, or community leader customarily performs a marriage. This lends a certain sanctity to it, and also gives it a social and communal recognition and situates it into the tapestry of the community, moving it from merely a private relationship to a communal one.

It also adds an extra security or safety network in case there are, later, questions or difficulties about the marriage.

In my observation, Islamic marriages which are conducted privately by the bride and groom, or informally (say, by the bride and groom's friend) and which are done outside of a social structure often do not seem to have the longevity of marriages which are done by a third party who is recognized by the community. Or, sometimes there is something about the situation that is not quite right.

Exceptions apply of course. This is not a matter of halal or haram, merely an observation.

If one is planning to get married without a shaykh or religious leader involved, a good question is why - is there a genuine reason why this is being done, and is all well? Or is there something not quite right about the situation that they don't want someone to know about, that might later resurface and cause problems in the marriage?

Just some thoughts. Wishing everyone the best in their marriage life!

Engagement . Marriage

What is the process for engagement and marriage in Shia Islam? Do you need a Sheikh to get engaged or just for the marriage?

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 7 months ago

Engagement is declaring the intention of marriage between a man and a woman who both are agreeable. Virgin girl marriage requires her father's approval or approval from her paternal grand father. It is the first step leading to Islamic contract of marriage which is called A'qd in Arabic or Nikah in Urdu. Agreement in engagement by itself does have any effect on man ir woman as far as rules of Mahram and non Mahram are concerned. Both remain non Mahram and must apply rules of full Hijab, until the A'qd or Nikah is recited between them. Engagement does put on man to spend on the engaged woman, nor puts on the woman any obligations or duty of married wife. Breaking the engagement remains in the hands of any of them if they found that they can not continue with it. Engagement can be terminated by both or by any one from them and it does not need any recitation like Talaq, nor any Mahr is to be paid after termination of engagement. Engagement does not make the woman a Mahram to the father of the man, nor man become a Mahram to her mother.

Some persons think that after the engagement they are allowed to shake hands or talk intimately or go out together for shopping or dining etc. This is wrong and sinful because there is no A'qd yet.

'We read in our history the engagement was immediately followed by reciting the A'qd or Nikah with no gap. If there a gap of time, both man and woman need to wait and control over themselves till A'qd or Nikah is properly recited.

Wassalam.

Engagement . Marriage

What is the process for engagement and marriage in Shia Islam? Do you need a Sheikh to get engaged or just for the marriage?

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 7 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

Just to clarify something. In Islam, we have the Islamic marriage contract, which we call nikah, and that is when the bride and groom have their nikah ceremony, making them mahram and Islamically husband and wife.

This does not necessarily mean they are living together, which is why some might call this "engagement", and then a while later they have their "wedding" ceremony, and move in to live together.

In regards to the nikah, it can be done by anyone, as long as the correct requirements are met.

Hopefully that answers your question.

And Allah knows best

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Parents . Wedding . Engagement . Mahram

Can engaged fiancé and fiancée hold hands with the approval of their parents for the purpose of taking wedding related photos?

Seyed Ali Shobayri, Seyed Ali Shobayri is of mixed Iranian and Scottish descent who found the path of the Ahlul Bayt (a) by his own research. He holds a BA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University through the... Answered 1 year ago

Bismillah,

Asalamu Alaykom,

If they are mahram to each other then holding hands is permitted. So if they are 'engaged' meaning that they have either conducted a temporary or permanent aqd which has been read for them, then it's ok. If neither have been read for them yet, then they aren't allowed to physically touch each other regardless of what the parents say.

May Allah grant you success

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Parents . Istikhara . Engagement

I recently got engaged to a man who my parents chose and for whom the Istikhara came out positive. I have spoken to him a few times, he is a good person but I don't really feel any connection with him and it worries me about the future. What should I do?

Bismihi ta'ala

A marriage should not be based on the answer of an Istikharah. You must decide on marrying the person based on a combination of things, from being religious, pious, high moral standards, good family, compatibility, shared ambitions, and so on.

What you should do in the situation you are in is find commonalities and work on the areas in which both of you connect. If he is a good person, and he has positive qualities, for sure things will work out for both of you. It is unrealistic for anyone to assume that we will share all similarities with our spouse, as there are always going to be things we differ on.

People change as well. You might not feel the connection because you were expecting something else, or had some image of an ideal spouse, or maybe you felt something else, but as you are married now, you are able to find ways in strengthening your bond with your husband.

With prayers for your success.

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Wedding . Engagement . Silat al-Rahm

Is it allowed not to attend a wedding or engagement party, such as of a close relative, because it includes aspects that are against our Sharia law?

It is compulsory to abide to Islamic rule in every circumstance. Attending a party of close relatives which included sinful acts is not permissible.

Obeying Allah is above pleasing any one else.

Wassalam.

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Family . Sunni . Parents . Engagement . Sunni-Shi'a . Marriage

My fiance has become Shia though his family still remains Sunni. We would like to have our Nikah done according to both ways for the pleasure of our parents. Can we perform two Nikahs in one day?

First Valid Nikah will establish the marriage bond, while the other Nikah will be just for show and will not add on the valid Nikah.
It is permissible to do the second Nikah for showing people.

Wassalam.

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Engagement

What are the limits of talking to one's fiancé before the Aqd?

If you and you fiance have no Aqd between you, both of you are non Mahram to each other.

You need to have an Aqd between you, whether temporary or otherwise to talk to her any intimate talk.

Wassalam.

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Love . Engagement

I understand that one can talk to their fiancé provided there are no lustful intentions. Is this correct? If so, is saying words such as 'I love you' allowed?

Bismillah,

Asalamu Alaykom,

You may say this if you are both mahram to each other. Being Halal to each other is established by reading the nikah or a mutah formula with the correct conditions. After this, sharing affectionate words is permitted.

May Allah grant you success

Love . Engagement

I understand that one can talk to their fiancé provided there are no lustful intentions. Is this correct? If so, is saying words such as 'I love you' allowed?

No, it is not allowed to tell your fiance: I love you, simply because there is no religious frame (Aqd) between you like Nikah or Mut'ah. Your fiance remains non Mahram to you until you have such Aqd recited between you with its conditions like the permission of the father of virgin girl.

Wassalam.

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Engagement

Is it permissible to communicate with my fiance before marriage through text messages with our mom as a intermediary between us?

Bismillah,

Asalamu Alaykom,

As a precautionary measure in this case it would be better to read a type of marriage contract to make each other mahram. However even if you aren’t mahram and you having an intermediary would be a preventive measure for no haram type of chat, then it should be fine inshallah

May Allah grant you success

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Marriage . Istikhara . Engagement

My marriage Istikhara was positive, having been done repeatedly and by multiple sources, so we proceeded to engagement but it broke after a few months. Why was the Istikhara positive and how can we trust this process again?

Abbas Di Palma, Shaykh Abbas Di Palma holds a BA and an MA degree in Islamic Studies, and certifications from the Language Institute of Damascus University. He has also studied traditional Islamic sciences in... Answer updated 2 years ago

as salam alaikum

the purpose of istikharah is not to tell what will happen in the future but to indicate the best course of actions to be undertaken by the believer who put his trust in Allah.

One of the underlying notions in the Du'a Istikharah of Imam Zayn al-'Abidin, peace be upon him, is that the servant should be pleased with what Allah has decreed for him. In it there is a huge wisdom that the servant may realize later on, or even after his lifetime.

It is important however to consider istikharah as a du'a and a request to Allah, not a prediction of future events.

With prayers for your success.