Engagement

An engagement or betrothal is the relationship between two people who want to get married, and also the period of time between a marriage proposal and a marriage. During this period, a couple is said to be betrothed, intended, affianced, engaged to be married, or simply engaged. Future brides and grooms may be called the betrothed, a wife-to-be or husband-to-be, fiancée or fiancé (from the French), respectively.

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Akhlaq . Girl . Engagement

I recently got engaged and I am satisfied with my fiancée’s Deen and Akhlaq but I tend to compare her, in my mind, to every girl I see. How do I stop this habit and teach myself to be content?

Rebecca Masterton, Dr Rebecca Masterton graduated with a BA in Japanese Language and Literature; an MA in Comparative East Asian and African Literature and a PhD in Islamic literature of West Africa. She has been... Answered 1 month ago

Are you feeling nervous about committing? Are there any other difficulties that are not being addressed? Are you connecting to her emotionally? Maybe you are subconsciously seeking a connection that you might feel you are not getting in this partnership. You say you are 'satisfied with her deen and akhlaq', which sounds quite official and correct, but maybe there is something you have in your mind that you wish you still had. One way of remaining content is to remind yourself that, even if you were to be with one of the other women you are looking at, you would eventually confront the more challenging demands of marriage and commitment. Then the same subconscious fears would arise and you might once again start looking at other women. If you feel you are lacking an emotional connection with her, then it is good to discuss that with her. Maybe she feels the same and it is something that you can both work on. If you have had a childhood that involves parental conflict or divorce, you may also find it more difficult to connect emotionally. It may be good to seek out some therapy to try to understand what is going on in your mind at a deeper level, or to talk to someone about it. Do not keep silent about it, as it could continue after you get married.

Akhlaq . Girl . Engagement

I recently got engaged and I am satisfied with my fiancée’s Deen and Akhlaq but I tend to compare her, in my mind, to every girl I see. How do I stop this habit and teach myself to be content?

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 month ago

It is wrong and harmful to compare what Allah (SWT) has given us with others. Comparing with others can make us less appreciative to the bounty of Allah on us, and even under estimating the bounty and ungrateful to Allah (SWT). Comparing with others make us lose the real taste of the bounty. Prophetic advice to Abu Thar: Never look in worldly matters to those who have more than you, as that can make you disrespect the bounty of Allah on you.

If your fiancée compare you with other men, will you like that?

We need to thank Allah (SWT) for every bounty He granted us and never look at others.

Wassalam.

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Parents . Istikhara . Engagement

I recently got engaged to a man who my parents chose and for whom the Istikhara came out positive. I have spoken to him a few times, he is a good person but I don't really feel any connection with him and it worries me about the future. What should I do?

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 8 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

A marriage should not be based on the answer of an Istikharah. You must decide on marrying the person based on a combination of things, from being religious, pious, high moral standards, good family, compatibility, shared ambitions, and so on.

What you should do in the situation you are in is find commonalities and work on the areas in which both of you connect. If he is a good person, and he has positive qualities, for sure things will work out for both of you. It is unrealistic for anyone to assume that we will share all similarities with our spouse, as there are always going to be things we differ on.

People change as well. You might not feel the connection because you were expecting something else, or had some image of an ideal spouse, or maybe you felt something else, but as you are married now, you are able to find ways in strengthening your bond with your husband.

With prayers for your success.

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Wedding . Engagement . Silat al-Rahm

Is it allowed not to attend a wedding or engagement party, such as of a close relative, because it includes aspects that are against our Sharia law?

It is compulsory to abide to Islamic rule in every circumstance. Attending a party of close relatives which included sinful acts is not permissible.

Obeying Allah is above pleasing any one else.

Wassalam.

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Family . Sunni . Parents . Engagement . Sunni-Shi'a . Marriage

My fiance has become Shia though his family still remains Sunni. We would like to have our Nikah done according to both ways for the pleasure of our parents. Can we perform two Nikahs in one day?

First Valid Nikah will establish the marriage bond, while the other Nikah will be just for show and will not add on the valid Nikah.
It is permissible to do the second Nikah for showing people.

Wassalam.

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Engagement

What are the limits of talking to one's fiancé before the Aqd?

If you and you fiance have no Aqd between you, both of you are non Mahram to each other.

You need to have an Aqd between you, whether temporary or otherwise to talk to her any intimate talk.

Wassalam.

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Love . Engagement

I understand that one can talk to their fiancé provided there are no lustful intentions. Is this correct? If so, is saying words such as 'I love you' allowed?

Seyed Ali Shobayri, Seyed Ali Shobayri is of mixed Iranian and Scottish descent who found the path of the Ahlul Bayt (a) by his own research. He holds a BA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University through the... Answer updated 1 year ago

Bismillah,

Asalamu Alaykom,

You may say this if you are both mahram to each other. Being Halal to each other is established by reading the nikah or a mutah formula with the correct conditions. After this, sharing affectionate words is permitted.

May Allah grant you success

Love . Engagement

I understand that one can talk to their fiancé provided there are no lustful intentions. Is this correct? If so, is saying words such as 'I love you' allowed?

No, it is not allowed to tell your fiance: I love you, simply because there is no religious frame (Aqd) between you like Nikah or Mut'ah. Your fiance remains non Mahram to you until you have such Aqd recited between you with its conditions like the permission of the father of virgin girl.

Wassalam.

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Engagement

Is it permissible to communicate with my fiance before marriage through text messages with our mom as a intermediary between us?

Bismillah,

Asalamu Alaykom,

As a precautionary measure in this case it would be better to read a type of marriage contract to make each other mahram. However even if you aren’t mahram and you having an intermediary would be a preventive measure for no haram type of chat, then it should be fine inshallah

May Allah grant you success

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Marriage . Istikhara . Engagement

My marriage Istikhara was positive, having been done repeatedly and by multiple sources, so we proceeded to engagement but it broke after a few months. Why was the Istikhara positive and how can we trust this process again?

Abbas Di Palma, Shaykh Abbas Di Palma holds a BA and an MA degree in Islamic Studies, and certifications from the Language Institute of Damascus University. He has also studied traditional Islamic sciences in... Answer updated 1 year ago

as salam alaikum

the purpose of istikharah is not to tell what will happen in the future but to indicate the best course of actions to be undertaken by the believer who put his trust in Allah.

One of the underlying notions in the Du'a Istikharah of Imam Zayn al-'Abidin, peace be upon him, is that the servant should be pleased with what Allah has decreed for him. In it there is a huge wisdom that the servant may realize later on, or even after his lifetime.

It is important however to consider istikharah as a du'a and a request to Allah, not a prediction of future events.

With prayers for your success.

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Man . Woman . Engagement

I am an unmarried man who is about to be engaged to a woman who had a bad past, but who has fully reformed. However, the idea of her past haunts me. How can I deal with it?

Zoheir Ali Esmail, Shaykh Zoheir Ali Esmail has a Bsc in Accounting and Finance from the LSE in London, and an MA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University. He studied Arabic at Damascus University and holds a PhD... Answered 1 year ago

Bismillah

Thank you for your question. A person cannot be separated from their past. Indeed, we learn from our past experiences and the lessons shape our attitudes to the future. Your future wife would not be the way she is now without the experiences of her past, and if you wish to have her as a partner you have to accept and be comfortable with that. It is not something you can force on yourself, but a decision you have to consciously make and be comfortable with. If you are not comfortable with it you have to address it, as in marriage there are many challenges and if this is always going to be a point of tension, it will damage the future of the relationship.

May you always be successful