Children

Bismihi ta'ala

If a married couple, in their early stages of their marriage do not define how they are going to live their lives, especially with their interaction with each other's families, then there will be many ongoing problems. 

Defining your relationship with your family, and your in-laws, is very easy, even if they might be difficult to deal with. 

Your primary position is your obedience and loyalty to your parents. This is the Islamic principle, and that's how you live as a Muslim. Even if it means you are uncomfortable, or it isnt really what you want, but if it makes your parents happy, then that's what you should do. 

As for your parent-in-laws, they are now like your parents, so you treat them as you would treat your own parents. 

This is applicable to the husband and to the wife, equally. 

Let's be less sensative, and more accomodating to them as elders, from a different generation, from a different mindset. And all for the greater good, of keeping peace and harmony. 

Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a.s.) says: Do good and obey your parents so that your children will do good and obey you.

I've also come across a tradition about how cursed a spouse may be if they were to force their spouse to choose between them and their parents. 

Of course parents are more important. Not just more important that our spouse, but more important than ourselves. 

What if the husband/wife has no consideration, and cannot combine between their family and their parents. This is why it is so important for us to learn Akhlaq. 

You should never allow yourself to be in the situation where you have to choose between your spouse or your parents. You should also never put someone else in such a situation. 

Balance happens when you respect boundaries, and as I said, you have defined your relationship. You pay utmost attention to your husband/wife, and at the same time to accommodate to the needs of your parents and family members. You also never discriminate, and treat your in-laws the same. 

You have your own life now, and you are trying to build that, but you wont be able to create a loving caring atmosphere at home if you break bridges with others. That's why we shouldnt think that way, who is more important you or your parent, or who do you love more, your son or your daughter and so on.

We accomodate to each person around us in the befitting way, based on shar' and akhlaq.

With prayers for your success.

Bismihi ta'ala

As far as you are concerned, following the madhhab of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.) is a part of your personality and identity, and your marriage should not obstruct your affiliation to your Shi'i identity. This should be made clear to your fiance. 

In regards to your future children, you as their mother must try to nurture them in such a way where they are aware of their religion and abide to the laws of Islam. Which madhhab they choose is completely up to them, when they become mature and of age. 

If you instill within them the love of religion and the urge to pursue truth and evidence, and allow them to research and read and decide themselves, you've done your obligation.  The rest is for them to decide. 

Your main focus must be on accompanying your husband to be in a noble spiritual way, and avoiding anything that would hurt or harm his understanding of Islam, or your understanding of Islam. 

Be the parents that you should be, and that would be the best thing you can do.

With prayers for your success. 

Bismihi ta'ala

If you have repented a sincere repentance, then of course the Almighty would have forgiven you. Allah ta'ala has described Himself as the All-compassionate, the All-merciful, and also al-Ghafur, or the All-forgiving. 

You should also strive towards obtaining higher levels of spirituality and perform righteous deeds to keep yourself on the right path, and also be a positive role model for the child as well. Try to nurture him/her in a noble way, introducing them to Islamic principles and the teachings of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.). 

With prayers for your success. 

Bismihi ta'ala

This is a difficult question, and maybe even sensitive for some, because we know that Islam unequivocally condemns abuse or physical violence towards other innocent people. 

We must always remember that many parents have not been given the correct method of upbringing, and many parents do not have the adequate skills to deal with parenting and the many pressures that it entails. 

As Muslims, we are taught to always show the utmost level of respect to our parents and our elders. How they reciprocate that and what they do or have done is something else. 

Allah ta'ala will judge them for what they have done. 

We must stay loyal to our parents, pray for them, visit them, be compassionate to them, and never sever ties with them. We must also ask Allah ta'ala to grant us the patience we need to make sure our love for them stays in our heart, even thought they might have hurt us. 

As long as you yourself know that you are not being insolent, or disobeying your parents, or not cutting ties. In regards to your inner feelings, there is nothing much that are able to do, because of the ongoing abuse, but it still does not allow you to disrespect your parents. 

Honour your parents, avoid things that would agravate them, or upset them, in what you do or say, try to get them to understand your position, and how its affecting you, maybe by getting intervention from elders, and most importantly always do dua for them.

With prayers for your success.