Wife

A wife is a female partner in a continuing marital relationship.
The term continues to be applied to a woman who has separated from her partner, and ceases to be applied to such a woman only when her marriage has come to an end, following a legally recognized divorce or the death of her spouse. On the death of her partner, a wife is referred to as a widow, but not after she is divorced from her partner.

94443

Husband . Wife . Home . Employment

Is it necessary for the husband to work outside if instead the wife wants to work outside and the husband is happy to be at home and they are both happy with this arrangement?

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 1 week ago

Bismihi ta'ala

No, there is no "necessity" for the husband to work outside. The husband can work from home, or maybe due to circumstances be unemployed.

In regards to your question, there are two important points:

1. In Islam, it is wajib for the husband to cover expenses, as nafaqah is the husband's duty. If the wife wishes to pay for things, it is not her shar'i duty, and it is out of her goodness.

2. For the long term, it will not be good or mentally healthy for the husband to be at home all the time, with no work, or future ambitions, or being occupied with at least something useful for himself, his family or for the community. Therefore, it would be advisable that the husband somehow keeps himself busy in this case.

With prayers for your success.

94625

Wife . Family . Responsibility . Salah (Prayers) . God (Allah)

My wife hasn't prayed for the last 5 years. When I ask her, she and her family tell me that this is not my responsibility and it is between her and Allah. How should I deal with this situation?

Mateen Charbonneau, Sheikh Mateen Joshua Charbonneau achieved a certificate from Harvard University in Islamic Studies. He undertook Howza classes under esteemed scholars since 2013 and has been teaching at Imam Mahdi... Answered 1 week ago

You should not abandon hope for her. Continue to encourage her, while not being forceful or pushy. Pray where she sees you and perhaps she will feel remorse that she is not praying.

A scholar in Najaf told me about being persistent, "I remember there was one of the youth who followed my father in taqlid and at some point he became a communist and left Islam. My father would pass by this youths shop on his way to salat everyday. My father would always say salam to the youth, but the young man would ignore him and never reply. My father kept saying salam to him everyday for one year then the youth finally replied to his salam and ended up repenting and coming back to Islam."

93761

Wife . Mut'a (Temporary marriage)

If a married man does not take permission of his first wife and does Mut'ah secretly with a girl, will that temporary marriage be considered invalid if he has made sure that the needs of the permanent wife are completely met?

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 week ago

Married man needs permission of his Muslim wife in case he wants to have temporary marriage (Mut'ah) with a woman from People of Book (Christian and Jewish).

Wassalam.

91666

Wife . Sister . Husband . Mahram . Man . Home . Qur'an . Marriage

My wife believes that her sister's husband is her Mahram on the basis that the Quran says that a man cannot marry the sister of his wife. Is this true, and can she stay at their home?

Your wife has misunderstood the Islamic rule in this matter. Mahram is the person who is permanently forbidden for marriage with her under any circumstance for life e.g. her real brother , real uncle, real father, father in law, her son and son in law. Her sister's husband is not permanently forbidden to marry her, but only when her sister is his wife. If she dies, God forbid, or if she is divorced from him, marriage will be then allowed between this man and any of the unmarried sisters of his ex-wife.

Her sister's husband is not Mahram at all and must observe full Hijab in front of him like any other non Mahram man.

Wassalam.

Wife . Sister . Husband . Mahram . Man . Home . Qur'an . Marriage

My wife believes that her sister's husband is her Mahram on the basis that the Quran says that a man cannot marry the sister of his wife. Is this true, and can she stay at their home?

Bismihi ta'ala

It is very important for your respected wife to educate herself about the definition and rulings related to maḥram/non-maḥram cases.

Unfortunately she is misinformed, and has only half of the facts correct.

In Islam, a man cannot marry two sisters at one time, but this does not mean that the wife's sister becomes maḥram to the husband, nor does it mean that the sister's husband becomes maḥram to the wife's sister.

So, although he cannot marry his sister's wife as long as he is married to his wife, it still does not mean that she becomes maḥram to him.

It is still haram for him to see her without hijab, or look at her with lust, or shake her hand, or be alone with her, and so on.

This is a view that all our jurists have.

As for the case of her staying at their home, if all other shar'i matters are observed, yes she can.

And Allah knows best.

91717

Husband . Breastfeeding . Wife

Is it allowed for a husband to drink the milk of his breastfeeding wife?

Bismihi ta'ala

Our esteemed Maraji' have different verdicts on this matter, and hence each individual must refer back to his/her Marja' for their fatwa.

In the case of Grand Ayatullah Seyid Sistani, his view is that according to obligatory precaution it is impermissible.

And Allah knows best.

91089

Wife

What are the rights and obligations of a wife who has an overbearing and intrusive mother-in-law?

Bismihi ta'ala

As we know in Islam, the father and/or the husband holds authority in a household, and it is for all members of the family, male or female, to respect and honour this hierarchy.

The mother also has an authoritative status, and she must be respected and honoured. The same could be said in regards to the mother-in-law as well. We must learn to revere the status that each member in the family holds. Whether this be managerial affairs, or social matters, or personal issues.

In most cases, it is very easy to deal with these family members at times of conflict, and that is to bear in mind the greater good of keeping peace. We always see how some become sensative when told what to do. Family involvement is very normal, and in many instances helpful. Yes, we all know that family interference is not healthy. That's why we need to have a correct definition of what involvement is, what interference is, what overbearing is, and what intrusive is.

I believe our society has become negatively influenced by the unfair stereotype of negatively portraying "mother-in-laws". Although the mother in law might be offering something good, or involving herself in a positive way, but the daughter-in-law takes it as being intrusive, offensive or degrading. We need to expand our tolerance and remember our Islamic principles and moral values.

Maybe you need to change your perspective, maybe you are wrong, maybe you need to accept advice, even if it's given in the wrong way. Sometimes you just need to brush things off and not be so defensive.

This same thing is directed at the mother-in-law as well, on both sides. She needs to be more understanding, know her boundaries, try to be more diplomatic about things, and bring her daughter-in-law/son-in-law closer to her through good treatment and compassionate support.

Communicating and trying to passively convey your message to those around you will enable you to keep your relationship with them. We must keep ties, as Islam mandates us to do so.

I am talking about normal situations where things have not blown out of the roof.

So how do we deal with a toxic, controlling, negative, maybe even abusive mother-in-law? I am sorry to say, it could even be a matter of jealousy as well.

This is where the family authority must get involved, and set down boundaries. The husband might be too weak, or the mother-in-law might not be emotionally stable. The husband might hide behind the excuse of "I am obeying my mother". Of course, as weak of an argument this may be when there is oppression happening towards his wife and him staying silent about it, it does show how his mother has total control over him.

Of course, the husband plays a major role in all of this.

This is why from the very beginning of spouse selection we make the right decision of what kind of family we are going to get involved in, and we be careful with this.

This bad relationship might been a build up of tension, or unresolved problems, or maybe the mother-in-law feels unwanted because her son is focusing all his attention on his wife. Many mother-in-laws feel they "lost their son", because he now has someone else he's sharing his love with. The wife needs to be observant of this issue as well.

That's why we need to take care of all these things at once. Juggling emotions, and dealing with misunderstandings straight away, and communicating directly, and most important, showing respect and value.

You, the daughter-in-law, must not deal with your mother-in-law based on negative experiences of others, or based on wrong advice given to you by your close friends, or maybe even your family. I say this because sometimes from day one you might subconsciously take her a a threat, or even a hidden enemy based on preconceived ideas.

You just have to know when to get elders involved, or marriage counselling, and how to resolve this conflict, for the sake of keeping the relationship, not just with your husband, but also with his family as well.

These are just simple and general guidelines that we must all be observant of, and try to preserve our relationships and also salvage what we can.

With prayers for your success.

91502

Mahram . Wife . Grandparents

Is the son-in-law Mahram to the maternal grandmother of his wife?

Yes. Grand mother of the wife is Mahram just like her real mother.

wassalam.

91090

Husband . Wife . Bed . Divorce

If a husband goes long periods of time sleeping in another room, despite the wife insisting that they share a bed, is it grounds for the wife to seek a divorce?

Zoheir Ali Esmail, Shaykh Zoheir Ali Esmail has a Bsc in Accounting and Finance from the LSE in London, and an MA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University. He studied Arabic at Damascus University and holds a PhD... Answered 1 month ago

Bismillah

Thank you for your question. This in itself is not a valid reason for divorce, however, in this situation it may be wise to seek relationship counsilling if it is bothering you a lot.

May you always be successful

87636

Semen . Wife . Husband . Sexual

Is semen allowed to be in the mouth as long as it isn’t swallowed by the wife? Can a husband swallow his wife's fluid?

It is not allowed to swallow any Najis item and if you allow a Najis item in your mouth, you must spit it out and clean you mouth and lips with water.

Wassalam.

89933

Husband . Islam . Wife . House

Why does a husband have the power in Islam to prevent his wife from leaving the house when it can be disadvantageous, unreasonable or even harmful for the wife in many cases?

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 2 months ago

The person who is asking this may be familiar with the jurisprudential model. That is, insofar as it is the husband's right to have physical intimacy, he can prevent the wife from leaving the home (because this might interfere with his right). And his right is due to being the breadwinner and the wife being a financial dependent.

This is obviously a theoretical or idealized model of a marriage and doesn't take into account the varieties of how people live as well as the nuances of real life (for instance, that, oftentimes, the man isn't the sole breadwinner, and/or that the household labour that woman often do is equally important to the survival of the household or children; and, generally, both men and women have an interest in physical intimacy).

In practice, I would say that most men do not imprison their wives and don't do this literally. But, occasionally, a man does do that in the name of Islam, thereby depriving the wife of opportunities for seeing family or friends, education, attending religious gatherings, and knowing what is happening in society. And, in the context of the religious community, it is very difficult for anyone to object; a woman fears that if she disobeys him and goes outside, she will go to hell. (I had a friend in the US who was kept inside by her husband for decades; after he passed away, she didn't even know what an ATM/cash machine was). And this can be especially harmful if a girl marries young. Of course, in some places, this is also done because of lack of security in society and fear for the wife's safety, and this should also be acknowledged (that is, it isn't always due to overdominance).

Furthermore, the fact that a wife has to ask for permission to leave could be seen as demeaning to her dignity. I am sure most men would not tolerate it if someone told them they could only move about with a woman's permission!

As you might glean from my response, I am not in favour of this paradigm, and I am more in favour of the late Sayed Fadlullah's view that marriage should not be imprisonment, and that this particular ruling should be reconsidered. Sometimes, we just pass on things from the classical era without questioning them (such as the ruling of purity of Ahl al-Kitab, which was questioned in the modern era) until the time comes when we realize we do need to give it another look. I don't think the Prophet intended to disadvantage women, especially since so much of his message was about social reform and he had a special concern for improving the situation of women. And when we look at hadith from the time of the Prophet (S), we see that women were quite involved in what was happening around them and in the community of the Prophet (S), rather than being solely at home and uninvolved in anything around them.

However, I do acknowledge that my own view is non-mainstream (that is, it is more of what is considered today a reformist view) and that the mainstream view is that this is because Islam, as a perfect system, provides an ideal model of marriage, and if people follow it they will have harmony. And that this authority given to the man provides order and structure for society and prevents moral corruption and so on.

89934

Wife . Husband . Parents . Marriage . Obedience . Mutual Fund

Does a wife have to obey her husband like she has to obey her parents, or is a marriage more about mutual decisions and understanding?

This isn't strongly and clearly addressed in our tradition, and so there is a broad scope of interpretation.

From a jurisrpudential viewpoint, the main topic for obedience that is described is with respect to fulfilling the responsibility of the spousal bed, and anything else directly related to that.

Some people take a broader view.

Similarly, with respect to tafsir, some people take the word "obedient" (qanitat, 4:34) to mean a woman obeying her husband, others take it to mean a woman obeying God.

However it is worth considering that all of these elaborations on spousal obedience happened after the time of the Prophet and so there is some involvement of the author's cultural views.

In my experience, in practice, marriages tend to fit into two models - a "master-slave" model (where one person commands and the other obeys) and a partnership model (where the two work together and discuss things mutually). I find in general people tend to re-enact the model they saw growing up and to some extent that which is culturally common around them. For instance, some cultures are quite patriarchal, and this is sometimes reflected.

I have come to feel that this is one way where Islamic teachings are adaptable to a variety of ways of living and aren't wholly specific. However I am sure there are others who will give more specific views.