Wife

A wife is a female partner in a continuing marital relationship.
The term continues to be applied to a woman who has separated from her partner, and ceases to be applied to such a woman only when her marriage has come to an end, following a legally recognized divorce or the death of her spouse. On the death of her partner, a wife is referred to as a widow, but not after she is divorced from her partner.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 1 week ago

Bismihi ta'ala

It is wrong for your wife to pry into your past sins, and if it has nothing to do with your current life or has no involvement with your marriage, it is haram for you to disclose it to others. We are not allowed to expose our previous sins to others, or confess to anyone about the past, especially if we have repented. 

She should refrain from asking you about it, and you do not need to lie. You just refuse to give any information about it. 

With prayers for your success

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 1 month ago

Bismihi ta'ala

No, being separated for numerous years does not nullify the marriage, so in your case you are still considered husband and wife, until the Islamic divorce is conducted. 

And Allah knows best. 

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 month ago

Wife's parents have no right to ask for divorce of their daughter with out real Islamic reason. You and your wife should co-operate to convince them not to break your family or you can seek help from respected persons known to them to speak to them,

Main thing is to sort things between you and your wife between you and her with out interference from any one else.

Wassalam,

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 month ago

Divorce is the most disliked permissible act in Islam. It should be avoided as much as possible that is why Islam has kept many conditions for a valid Talaq which are not so easy.

Divorce should not be declared by the husband with out a proven fault or confirmed failure from the wife where she is unable or not willing to repair.

Divorce should not be a weapon against innocent wife, otherwise it can be an act of injustice against her.

Wassalam.

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Rebecca Masterton, Dr Rebecca Masterton graduated with a BA in Japanese Language and Literature; an MA in Comparative East Asian and African Literature and a PhD in Islamic literature of West Africa. She has been... Answered 3 months ago

It is unacceptable for a mother-in-law to be verbally abusive to her daughter-in-law. Verbal abuse, jealousy and hatred to that extent can be part of a personality disorder. I can recommend researching in detail the characteristics of the malignant, narcissistic woman and mother. In insulting someone you love, she is also abusing you.  Mothers with a narcissistic personality disorder (as opposed to just being self-centred) are competitive in terms of who their child loves most.

How your children see you behave with your mother and wife will affect their own marriages down the line. Can you ask your mother not to verbally abuse your wife? If you feel you can't, that is revealing something about how your mother has trained you to relate to her, i.e. to remain passive and take the abuse; to not have enough self-worth to even politely ask her not to be verbally abusive.

Your duty is to love and protect your wife. You are the head of your household. You also have to protect the well being of your children. If they see their mother being abused their well being will be affected too. 

According to Ayatollah Dastghayb-Shirazi, you are entitled to minimise or even cut ties with family members whose bad behaviour you can't reform, or whose bad behaviour gets worse by your presence, or whose bad behaviour you indirectly condone by co-operating with them. Being good to your parents does not mean condoning behaviour that could destroy your family.

https://www.al-islam.org/greater-sins-volume-1-sayyid-abdul-husayn-dastg...

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 4 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

If a man was to conduct a secret marriage with another Muslim woman without telling his wife, that nikah he did is considered valid, although it is not advisable in any way, for the many ramifications it will have. 

A spousal relationship is based on trust, transparency, commitment and loyalty. 

With prayers for your success. 

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 4 months ago

We are not dealing here with legal matters nor giving any legal advice. We are dealing with Islamic matters and reflecting the rulings of the leading scholars ( Maraaji' of Taqleed). Muslim should not break the law of the country where he lives unless it contradicts with his faith and religion.
Main matter in second marriage is fulfilling the Islamic conditions of practical justice between wives. If this condition is not fulfilled, second marriage will be not permissible in Islam.

If your question is a legal question, you should ask your legal adviser.

Wassalam.

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I am sorry to hear that you are not entirely happy in your marriage.

May I suggest, this is the sort of thing that one should consider before marriage. While there are sometimes some surprises that cannot be known before marriage, weight is an obvious physical feature that is easier to determine. While cultures have various customs regarding marriage, Islamically, it is good to look at one's prospective spouse before marriage to be sure one is happy with him/her.

Anyway, as a wise person once said, "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." There will almost always be things that one does not like about one's spouse, some of them are obvious physical features and others are more subtle. It is good to appreciate the good and accept the rest. 

It is good to also look at it from the other side - it is an unpleasant surprise, after marriage, to learn that your spouse doesn't like one of your physical features - it can make you feel hurt or insecure. I am sure you would not like it if, after marriage, you realized that your wife did not like your height or some other physical feature. So it is good to be sensitive to that and to try to avoid making it something that causes difficulty in the relationship. 

Also, keep in mind that weight changes throughout life. Women often gain weight during pregnancy or at middle age anyway; just because someone is thinner at the time of marriage doesn't mean that is a permanent situation. (The same for men, of course!)

This is the same for any other feature. Many features or faculties change throughout life. For instance, someone with luxurious hair might go bald or get alopecia, someone with good eyesight may lose it, etc. So it is good to appreciate the blessings of health or beauty that we have, while we have them. The human being does not always stay the same physically. 

In cultures where thinness is valued for women, women who are overweight are often shamed and receive the message that their only value as a human being comes from being thin. Society usually treats it as a moral problem rather than as a medical problem (even though no one would shame an overweight horse or cat, rather they would ask what is wrong with them medically).

So, if you wish to discuss the subject of weight with your wife, may I suggest being extremely objective and polite about it; let her know that you love her and that your love of her (or indeed the survival of the marriage) does not depend on her weight, but it is simply an aesthetic preference. 

If you have access to good medical care, and if she is genuinely overweight (as opposed to just not being as thin as you would like), you could encourage her to visit a doctor to make sure there is no medical problem which is treatable (such as hypothyroidism or a hormonal imbalance) which is making her gain extra weight. (If she hasn't done so already). Of course, this should be done with tact! Most people would not appreciate this "suggestion" if it is done in a condescending or critical manner; rather, it should be given with concern and love. 

Also, you can always do du'a for yourself to be happy with your wife. Contentment is the best riches!

Inshallah you will both get through this and have many happy years to come!

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 4 months ago

Physical shape or appearance of the spouse might have a little effect in making the marriage more happy at the beginning but it will never last for long, nor can alone create happy life. You wrote : I am content with all besides her weight. This means that she has got many good characteristics besides her weight. I advise you to focus on her good points and ignore her weight. Her good points, noble attitude, good heart, humbleness, sincerity etc, will make your married life happy and not her weight. Men who focus on physical appearance and ignore the heart and noble human essence never get the happiness and satisfaction. Be content with whatever Allah Has granted you and thank Allah (SWT) Who granted you a noble and clean hearted wife who should be a good mother for your children and don't focus in her weight at all. When you thank Allah for the good that she already has, Allah will grant you more happiness from unexpected bounties which you don't know now.

Wassalam.

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 5 months ago

You should nicely explain to her the facts which you reached to. Try to give her the evidence which she can understand and accept. Many Sikh persons embraced Islam and became good Muslims following Ahlul Bayt (AS). You can use their evidence and writings to convince your wife.

If she insists on refusing Islam, then you as a Muslim will not be allowed to continue with a non Muslim wife.

Wassalam.

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Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answer updated 6 months ago

Bismihi ta'ala

If this is the case that you are in, then such a relationship is not a healthy thing at all. You must try to find means of making him cease such conduct, if you have not yet tried, and then intervention, if that does not work. 

In my opinion, a wife does not deserve to be treated in such a way, and a husband being flirtatious with other women is certainly not the traits of a Muslim. 

Please watch this short clip on how a wife should deal with her promiscuous husband:

With prayers for your success

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Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 7 months ago

Vasectomy usually stops permanently the ability of having children, hence it is not permissible at all. Wassalam.