Husband

A husband is a male in a marital relationship. The rights and obligations of a husband regarding his spouse and others, and his status in the community and in law, vary between cultures and have varied over time.

61428

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answered 1 day ago

I am sorry to hear about this challenging situation.

The ideal and example of the Prophet (S) is that marriage is public and, unless someone is living in a cave, there are a lot of questions and awkward situations that will come up if a woman is married secretly. 

It is wrong to put someone under that kind of stress and pressure, and it is not healthy for the man or the woman.

Apart from the social challenges, marriage is one of the most important things in a person's life, and it is psychologically unhealthy to have to hide that from the world. Part of having a family is the social aspect of family, not just the private relationship between a husband and wife. 

However, unfortunately, life isn't ideal. I am assuming the woman agreed to this situation when getting into it. Maybe - like most things in life - they didn't understand what it would be like long term, or they thought (or were told) things might change. 

The only real options are: (a) try to convince the man to change his mind, (b) try to see if it is possible to make any life changes (such as moving to a different country) which would make secrecy unnecessary, (c) find coping mechanisms to deal with the situation personally and socially, and be patient, (d) leave the marriage, or (e) pray that Allah provides another option. 

Life is a test, and in the end, what is important is how we navigate the tests in front of us, whether we are able to do it with faith and good ethics or not. I hope and pray the situation gets easier for all concerned!

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 2 weeks ago

There is no condition in marriage according to Ahlul Bayt (A) to declare the marriage in public. Witness on marriage is recommended and not obligatory If there was a condition agreed by both of them to announce the mae in public, then fulfilling the condition will be obligatory, but if there was no such condition and the husband feels danger on his reputation, then wife should consider listening to her husband and avoiding harming him.

Wassalam. 

62301

Zoheir Ali Esmail, Shaykh Zoheir Ali Esmail has a Bsc in Accounting and Finance from the LSE in London, and an MA in Islamic Studies from Middlesex University. He studied Arabic at Damascus University and holds a PhD... Answered 4 days ago

Bismillah

Thank you for your question. Praying and wearing hijab are very important acts of obedience in Islam and are essential for a person's well being in this world and the next. These are personal obligations in front of God and so it is not right for another to interfere in them even if that be a spouse and indeed, a spouse's approval is not conditional for the acceptance of those actions. Marriages are different and so the solution in working towards a compromise is specific to each relationship. If there is something that is specifically bothering your husband maybe you can help him express his issues and talk through it. For some relationships people can agree to disagree on certain issues and in others they can't. But when it comes to the performance of obligatory actions then that is a line that you have to remain principled on, even if the consequences are difficult.

May Allah make you successful 

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 4 days ago

You must always obey Allah, The Glorious despite all difficulties and challenges. True believers tolerate hardships for the sake of Allah like Asiya wife of Firaon who was enemy of Allah, but she stood fast in her faith and obedience and got the great status in Paradise.

Your husband must understand that he has no right to dictate on you any thing which is against the orders of Allah.

Depend and always seek help from Allah (SWT) and be sure that Allah will never leave you alone.

Wassalam.

54679

Shyrose Jaffer Dhalla, Zakira Shyrose Jaffer Dhalla is a graduate of York University in Canada from where she obtained a BA in Psychology and Sociology and a Masters in the field of Education. She lectures on Islam at... Answer updated 5 days ago

Bipolar disorder, formerly called manic depression, is a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings that include emotional highs (mania or hypomania) and lows (depression).

The emotional toll and challenges faced by both the diagnosed, as well as by those that interact with them on a daily basis, are enormous.  The ensuing fluctuating moods associated with the illness can often lead to dysfunctional and fractured relationships. 

However, Bipolar disorder is still a manageable illness and diagnosed individuals, given the proper medical and psychological intervention, can definitely lead a functional and satisfying life. 

The important role that Divine Intervention also plays in true healing must never be undermined.  Without a doubt, true healing or "shifa" occurs more completely and efficiently when one couples medicine "dawa" with worship "dua".  

It is imperative to note that this is a lifelong illness that requires constant adjustment and treatment.  There are no quick solutions.  Rather, correcting dysfunctional behaviour and patterns is an on-going and often trail-and-error process.  

Thus, if a loved one has expressed an inability to tolerate the way we react and behave, and has, in fact, chosen to leave due to the difficulty this poses in the relationship, then true resolution and reconciliation can only occur if we make a commitment to changing the said behaviours by first obtaining the proper medical assistance.    

The issue in hand requires a long term, life-sustaining solution.  Simply bringing back the spouse does not solve the issues that made them leave in the first place.  Rather, a focus on managing the symptoms of the illness, itself, will have more tangible results and may lead to a changed atmosphere that would be more conducive to them returning.  

First, it is important to have a proper, medical diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder by a medical practitioner who specializes in mental illness.  Second, it is crucial to learn about the symptoms and treatment options.  Be well-versed with the illness and become a full participant in your treatment so that you can make informed choices.  This will not only help to manage your symptoms more efficiently but will indicate to your spouse that you are committed to becoming a more mood-regulated partner.  

Take your medication regularly, whether you feel it is working or not.  This also helps convey to your loved ones that you are making an active effort to manage your symptoms.  

Du'a e Yastasheer and Du'a e Mashlool are highly powerful and recommended duas for those who struggle with mental illness. 

Ibna tawus in his book Muhaj al Dawat and Kafami in his book Misbah narrate dua'a Yastasheer on the authority of Imam Ali ibna abi Talib (a.s) who learned it from the Holy Prophet (saww).  It is said that "the sound of this dua'a moves to and around the arsh, its direct destination. It cures sickness and disperses sorrow, it cures insanity if recited before a mad man."

Dua Mashlool, also known as "supplication of the youth stricken for his sin," is also quoted from the work of Kaf-ami and from Muhaj al Da-wat by Sayyid ibn tawus.

Recite this dua'a after Isha salat, especially on Fridays. "It brings countless blessings. All your legitimate desires will be fulfilled. It drives away poverty and sickness. Sins are for given. Debts are cleared. Enemies become friends. Domestic affairs are set aright. Disputes are settled in your favour. Prisoners are set free and mental worries disappear. Prosperity, sound mind and healthy body stand by you at all times".

Managing bipolar disorder starts with proper treatment, including medication and psychotherapy. Be patient; it takes time to find to find the correct treatment. 

Know your triggers (stress, financial difficulties, arguments, seasonal changes, lack of sleep, too much caffeine, missing medications) Learn how to relax and monitor yourself to ascertain what effectively helps you to regulate your moods. 

It is extremely important to build and keep a strong support system. Never allow yourself to isolate from others; it may be very beneficial to join a support group and to also build new relationships. Take a class, join a group, volunteer, attend events at your Islamic centre. 

Engage in a firm commitment to regulating your mood-swings.  Using proper medication, psychotherapy, learning more functional ways of interacting and beseeching to Allah swt will put you in an optimum position for reaching out to your spouse for a reconciliation.  Commit to join couples therapy and encourage your spouse to join a support group so that they can also learn more functional ways of dealing with your mood-fluctuations. 

Do recite Dua Tawasul and ask the 14 Masumeen (a.s) to intercede and to assist you with the task ahead. 

For a list of websites, resources and medical organizations that offer specialized care for bipolar disorder in specific cities around the world, visit:

https://bipolarcaregivers.org/resources/organisations-and-websites-dealing-with-bipolar-disorder

May Allah swt bless you with healing and health, reconcile you with your loved ones and grant you the towfiqaat to deal with your illness with steadfast faith and patience. Ilaahi ameen

60755

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answer updated 3 weeks ago

1. Just a letter from the husband or his attorney does not mean real Islamic Talaq unless Talaq has been pronounced properly in front of two pious witnesses along with all other conditions of Talaq ( Husband should not be forced to divorce, wife should not be passing her menstrual period, etc)

2. Iddah of Talaq is obligatory on the wife for three periods of menses or three months after she knows about Talaq, no matter how much time they were separated.

3. If the wife is old enough that she has no menstrual period at all, then she has no Iddah after Talaq.

4. If the marriage was only been recited but never consummated, then no Iddah after Talaq.

Wassalam.

60903

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 month ago

There is a difference between Hajj and Umrah . Hajj is obligatory once in life while Umrah is recommended.

If Hajj has become obligatory on you (i.e. you are able financially and physically to perform Hajj) then it is obligatory on you to perform Hajj same year with out any delay even if your husband is not willing to perform it now. You will not be allowed to postpone performing Hajj because of your husband or any other reason as Hajj is Obligatory on you. You can join any trusted group of Hajj and go with them.

If our husband does not allow you to go for Umrah, you should obey him because Umrah is not obligatory but Mustahab (Recommended).

Wassalam.

59898

Abbas Di Palma, Shaykh Abbas Di Palma holds a BA and an MA degree in Islamic Studies, and certifications from the Language Institute of Damascus University. He has also studied traditional Islamic sciences in... Answered 1 month ago

as salam alaikum

if the wife observes her husband's conjugal rights and he is financially able to provide for her, she should try to convince him with good advice and persuade him to rectify his conduct. If he is not willing to do that,  she can involve other people that she thinks may have influence on him (like relatives and friends). If this also doesn't work she may refer to an Islamic Judge who should decide the best reconciliatory course to the matter. Then, if he sees that there is no better option available, he may divorce them at wife's request.

With prayers for your success.

60436

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 month ago

Spying is not allowed in Islam, but if you have come to know that your husband is having a bad habit, you need to do your best to help him to get out this bad habit in every possible way. You should explain to him the damages of such sinful acts and harms on him in this life and hereafter.

Wassalam.

59665

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 month ago

Your responsibility is to continue trying your best to convince him and reminding him about Allah, and the everlasting life (Al-Aakhirah).

Wassalam. 

60360

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 month ago

No, it is not permissible for the husband to take from his wife's money with out her permission. Wife's money is her money only and there is no right for her husband to think that it is his money.

All the livelihood expenses of the wife is on her husband even f she is a rich woman, and whatever he spends on her is her right on him and not loan on her.

Wassalam.

60123

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 month ago

Wife needs her husband's permission to go out if her going out contradicts with his rights as a husband and needs from her. 

If the husband permitted her to go out and she thinks that the situation is same, then no need for repeated permission every time, as far as she knows that he will not object. This is called ITHN AL_FAHWA اذن الفحوى (Understood permission).

Recommended fast also needs husband permission if it contradicts with his rights as husband on his wife. If husband needs his wife for intimacy relationship during the day, she can not refuse him because of recommended fast.

Wassalam.