Akhlaq (أخلاق) is the practice of virtue, morality and manners in Islamic theology and falsafah (philosophy).
Husband must maintain practical justice between his wives. Practical justice is in treating them and spending time with each of them equally like he spends time with his other wives. It also requires spending on each of them equally.
We read in our books of Hadeeth that we should use Kuniya when we talk to others. Kiniya is a respected way to address others who are in front of you. It is like Abu Ahmed, Abu Ali, Abu Husain etc.
In some societies, calling an older person by his first name is considered an act of disrespect. We must avoid any thing which can be taken by people as disrespect.
Saying vulgar words to or about others which is an insult to them is not permissible. Any act of insult to others is not allowed. Muslim should avoid vulgar language because every word is written on us in our book of deeds.
It's interesting that you have awareness of your usual manner. Have you been told that by someone else, or this is your own awareness? Being around others who are compassionate can help you to learn in a practical sense how to be more compassionate. Sometimes our behaviour patterns have been inculcated in us from childhood by the general dynamics and accepted codes of behaviour in the family, and they are hard to break. If you want to change your own patterns, you can try to do so in small ways where you feel comfortable and not awkward. You don't have to do big gestures that make you feel as if you are not your self. Once you get used to small changes, you can then work on other small changes, step by step.
If this is the case that you are in, then such a relationship is not a healthy thing at all. You must try to find means of making him cease such conduct, if you have not yet tried, and then intervention, if that does not work.
In my opinion, a wife does not deserve to be treated in such a way, and a husband being flirtatious with other women is certainly not the traits of a Muslim.
Please watch this short clip on how a wife should deal with her promiscuous husband:
With prayers for your success
If you no way to reach or contact him to seek apology, you should repeatedly pray for him and seek from Allah to forgive him and grant him from His Mercy.
You can not take back your promise to Allah (SWT) as far as you are able to fulfill it even with reasonable difficulty. If you don't fulfill your promise to Allah, it will a sinful act, and you must face a heavy Kaffara which is called Kaffara of breaking the promise كفارة العهد which is feeding sixty poor believers.
You must be more than careful when talking with or about your parents and must avoid uttering any word which can make them feel disrespected.
If your father is unwell and needs to be reminded, you should be very very polite and very nice in your attitude with him.
If you not interacting with them or limiting interaction with them can prevent further animosity and problems, then it may be necessary to take such steps. It may also be advisable to keep a distance away from such people if they are being unjust and rude towards yourself. Of course one should try keep good manners and not stoop to the level of those who are being rude. But it still isn’t obligatory upon you to have a relationship with them.
May Allah grant you success
Real Muslim is the person who believes in Islam and behaves in peaceful way with people (المسلم من سلم المسلمون من لسانه ويده))
Every Muslim is required to practice Islamic teachings in his life especially when dealing with people. Those Muslims who do not practice fairness and justice with others are blames in Quran ( O, Those who believed, why do you say what you do not practice? (Sura Al-Saff, Verse 2).
As being nice to people is one of the best deeds in Islam, being bad and harming people is very bad and it can lead tp punishment in this life and hereafter. When harming an animal is forbidden in Islam (e.g. The Hadeeth about a Muslim woman who will be in hellfire because she tortured a cat), so what about harming a human being?
No one from us can judge who is good Muslim and who is not as Allah (SWT) knows what all creatures did and ae doing and will be doing in the future and He judges who is good and who is not. But Allah (SWT) said clearly (The most honorable of you with Allah is the most practicing Taqwa (piousness). Sura Al-Hujuraat, verse 13.
Those who pray and fast and worship Allah (SWT) but misbehave and harm others will loose their worship reward to their victims, and might be forced to take the sins of their victims.
The Hadeeth says ( Best of people are those who benefit people) and another Hadeeth says (Worst of people are those who harm people).
This shows that the spirit of Islam is to be good to others.
There is really no such thing as a "good Muslim" and a "bad Muslim", these are labels we have invented. A person is a Muslim if they profess the shahadatayn. However, a Muslim will be judged in the next life like anyone else and a person who has harmful behaviour or bad ethics will be held responsible for that.
There are a number of hadith saying not to look at someone's outward signs of religiosity (such as praying or fasting) to judge their character but rather to look at how they act with other people. This is because acts of worship can become habitual, be feigned, done with a dead heart, done out of custom or to please one's family or community, etc.
However, acts of worship are there for a reason, and can elevate a person; whereas leaving them aside can make them more vulnerable to wrongdoing. Perhaps, inshallah, her prayers will help her become a better person.
1. Controlling our bad behaviour needs reasonable will power based on the facts of the harm and damage of such behaviour, and the benefits of good behaviour.
2. We need to see how harsh behaviour makes the person unliked even by his own family members, while good behaviour makes the person liked by almost all people who know him.
3. It is good to recite Quranic Du'a for making our chest pleasant and not narrow. ( RABBI ESHRAH LI SADRI WA YASSIR LI AMRI) رب اشرح لي صدري ويسر لي أمري
4. It is mentioned in books of Akhlaq that when a person becomes angry, he should look at a mirror to see himself while being angry. He will see how ugly he looks when he is angry and this can cool him down and make him avoid being angry.
5. It is also mentioned in many Hadeeths to deal with people in the same way which you want them to deal with you. Bad behaviour from you with others can never be accepted by you if it comes from others to you.
6. Repeating Estighfaar and Salawaat and LA HAWLA WALA QOWWATA ILLA BILLAH is very useful to make our Akhlaq better if we recite it with understanding specially during the night and more specifically during Sojood.
7. It is also good to remember the Hadeeth: Deal with people in a way that if you are away from them, they will long to meet you, or if you die, they will weep on you.
8. The Prophet Muhammad (SAWA) said: Best of you are the best to their family, and I am the best to my family.