Did my husband have a valid reason to be upset about me not wearing a Hijab when I was admitted to the ER for an emergency, considering my condition and the fact that I am a recent revert to Islam without prior knowledge of Islamic culture?
I am a recent revert to Islam(two months) when my husband and I met he said he didn't mind if I remained Christian (I am Irish Christian) and that he would marry me regardless however I revert for Allah SWT although I have not been raised or immersed in Islamic or Arabic culture previously. Recently I became extremely ill and had to be taken into the ER and given two blood transfusions for blood loss and severe anaemia, my husband was upset that I forgot to put my hijab on before leaving the house(for context I could barely walk and was extremely ill, the condition I have has been affecting me long term in terms of short term memory and cognitive function and I've tried to explain this multiple times) he sent me videos of women who had died with their hijabs and on and said there wasn't really an excuse for it and repeatedly told me that if I don't want to be Muslim I should just say and that if I was sincere about Allah SWT I wouldn't have forgotten this, we live in separate countries so I am alone here and when I returned home to recover the next morning he lectured me about sleeping late and not having memorised Al-Fatiha yet, at this point I feel so extremely demoralised and jaded, having gone through this illness alone and having little to no support, he admitted that part of the hijab issue is because he is jealous but won't apologise for how he has treated me and is adamant I am wrong and being manipulative. I don't want to leave Islam but it is becoming extremely difficult for me in terms of support and comprehension, I am alone in a relatively Western country trying to navigate this religion without him or previous understanding of this. Thank you for your advice.
May I suggest, this is nothing to do with a revert. When anyone is having a medical emergency, the medical emergency comes first, and hijab comes second. If he is jealous of ER personnel who are treating you, he is the one having a problem.
Situations where women died due to prioritizing hijab over life - for instance, when girls fleeing a burning school in Saudi were sent back inside to get their hijabs, and burned to death - are not noble; they are sad.
It could be worthwhile considering Islam and the marriage, as separate issues. Being a Muslim is not the same thing as being married to this person. It could be worthwhile to consider how the marriage is going, and whether it is a healthy marriage and offering what you need (especially since you are not living together). Even if you are a revert, the job of a husband is not to be the religious police; it sounds like he may want a situation where he can be in control, but this may become tiring over the years. On your side, there are many resources about Islam available online these days, and it would be good to focus more on learning on your own, rather than being dependent on him to teach you, which can set up an unhealthy psychological dynamic. Conversely, it could also be worth considering whether or not you would remain a Muslim if the marriage broke up.
Hope your situation improves!
