Wife

Bismihi ta'ala

As a religion, Islam encourages sexuality and sees sexual relations to not only be healthy and positive, but also religiously required. This is always an important point to remember, because if we compare the Islamic approach to sexuality with that of other religions, we will see how other religions see sex as something immoral, shameful or limited to the least level of intimacy. 

There are many mustahab things related to intimacy between the husband and wife, but also focusing on the personal/spiritual side as well. 

Certain acts that have surfaced in today's society, for the purpose of "spicing up" a relationship is due to a lack of personal connection or failing to have intimacy just by being with the partner. Boundaries of morality and legitimate relationships have turned many people to look for alternatives for sexual arousal. 

As Muslims, our emphasis is not just the physical side, but also the moral and spiritual connection with our partner. Our objective is to elevate our spiritual status and gain closer proximity to God. It is not just to feed our lust at any cost. 

A normal and healthy relationship will enable the partner to have sexual arousal without the need of crossing human moral boundaries. 

If someone needs whipping or physical humiliation to become sexually aroused, then do you really think they have a correct or healthy state of mind?

How can an honourable person have the urge of wanting to inflict pain on someone else for pleasure? That would be considered sickening. However, unfortunately because it something promoted by Western society, it becomes ok and many people do not see the harms of such acts. 

Almighty God has given us dignity, and we must always treat others in a dignified manner. Fulfilling sexual desires is an important thing, but not at the cost of removing our moral state or gaining animal traits. 

It's not just a matter of tying someone, or wearing handcuffs, but more than that. One might say there are different levels of BDSM, and there are acts that do not involve physical pain or humiliation. In such a case, if it is consensual and things are done in a dignified manner, then there would not be an issue. 

Ultimately, when it comes to fulfilling of sexual desires, dignity and respect is always important. 

With prayers for your success. 

Bismihi ta'ala

Your late wife must have been a good lady for you to continue to remember her. Yes, of course you can do dua and pray for her forgiveness, as long as she was not hostile to Islam and she knew no better. 

With prayers for your success. 

Bismihi ta'ala

In Islam, self-pleasure is forbidden and there are many mental, emotional, moral and physical harms to such practices. 

The husband has a shar'i and moral obligation of physical intimacy with his wife. If he does not do so, he is committing a sin and it will be grounds for divorce.

It is necessary for the husband to realise that physical intimacy is important for both sides, and will strengthen the bond between them. When he neglects the sexual needs of his wife, not only will she not feel valued, her heart will start drifting away from him. 

It is not just a matter of sexual pleasure between the husband and wife, but also to avoid any damaging effects or practices. Besides the fact that it is haram, her masturbating is no solution at all. 

If husband does not change his ways, they should seek intervention and visit a marriage counsellor. 

With prayers for your success. 

Bismihi ta'ala

The simple answer is no, the wife has absolutely no financial obligations towards her husband, her in-laws, or anybody else. 

Anything she gives, she gives out of her good will and good akhlaq. She has the option of being generous and contributing, if she is capable of doing so, and willing, and she has the option of not, as that is completely up to her. 

The husband or his family have no right forcing her or persuading her to contribute, and she needs to be careful to know her rights. If she is contributing to the mortgage, then she has an option of being a part of the legal ownership of the property, and so on...

With prayers for your success.

She must be careful that she is not being mistreated or manipulated in 

Bismihi ta'ala

This topic can be tackled from different angles. As you know, for married couples, intimacy and sex is a build up of emotional and affectionate interaction between the husband and the wife. It is not just about relieving oneself sexually. Are you tending to her emotions, and making her feel valued, and giving her time, and being at home.

Are you neglecting her, or treating her in a demeaning way, or abusing her, or are you promiscuous and getting involved with other women? 

How is your joint sleeping pattern. Do each of you sleep in different times, or separate from each other? Have you abandoned your bed, and do so for long periods of time? 

These are all scenarios that could lead to this underlying problem of lack of intimacy. Of course, it is also a build up as well, and will not just happen suddenly. 

If the wife is not interested in sex, it could be because of a variety of reasons, either stemming from personal issues, or underlying marital problems that are not being resolved. It could be hormonal imbalance, or mood. etc. 

Have you and her had a serious discussion about this. It would be advisable to see a specialist or a psychologist, or a female marriage counselling. 

In any case, if you have reached the stage of frustration, and did not wisely deal with the situation, and avoided solving the problems, then you have few options.

1. It is wajib for wife to do tamkeen, which is for her to comply with husband, in a healthy and positive way, as long as there are no other legitimate reasons to reject. 

2. If none of the above issues are applicable, and she does not want to solve things, then you must either get intervention from her family, be patient, or as a last resort, get divorced. 

3. I would recommend you find other means to "relieve your frustrations", because that would make your marriage and your relationship with your wife even more complex. 

Hopefully this quick answer will shed some light on how to look and deal with the situation you are in. 

With prayers for your success. 

Bismihi ta'ala

In our jurisprudence, semen of any sort is najis, and therefore it cannot be consumed, and it is haram to do so. 

In this case, if she has done so intentionally, then she must repent to Allah ta'ala. If it was not intentional, then there is nothing for her to do.

In both cases, her prayers and other acts of worship are valid and accepted, as long as they are done in the correct and valid way. 

And Allah knows best. 

Bismihi ta'ala

If a married couple, in their early stages of their marriage do not define how they are going to live their lives, especially with their interaction with each other's families, then there will be many ongoing problems. 

Defining your relationship with your family, and your in-laws, is very easy, even if they might be difficult to deal with. 

Your primary position is your obedience and loyalty to your parents. This is the Islamic principle, and that's how you live as a Muslim. Even if it means you are uncomfortable, or it isnt really what you want, but if it makes your parents happy, then that's what you should do. 

As for your parent-in-laws, they are now like your parents, so you treat them as you would treat your own parents. 

This is applicable to the husband and to the wife, equally. 

Let's be less sensative, and more accomodating to them as elders, from a different generation, from a different mindset. And all for the greater good, of keeping peace and harmony. 

Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a.s.) says: Do good and obey your parents so that your children will do good and obey you.

I've also come across a tradition about how cursed a spouse may be if they were to force their spouse to choose between them and their parents. 

Of course parents are more important. Not just more important that our spouse, but more important than ourselves. 

What if the husband/wife has no consideration, and cannot combine between their family and their parents. This is why it is so important for us to learn Akhlaq. 

You should never allow yourself to be in the situation where you have to choose between your spouse or your parents. You should also never put someone else in such a situation. 

Balance happens when you respect boundaries, and as I said, you have defined your relationship. You pay utmost attention to your husband/wife, and at the same time to accommodate to the needs of your parents and family members. You also never discriminate, and treat your in-laws the same. 

You have your own life now, and you are trying to build that, but you wont be able to create a loving caring atmosphere at home if you break bridges with others. That's why we shouldnt think that way, who is more important you or your parent, or who do you love more, your son or your daughter and so on.

We accomodate to each person around us in the befitting way, based on shar' and akhlaq.

With prayers for your success.