Fear is a feeling induced by perceived danger or threat that occurs in certain types of organisms, which causes a change in metabolic and organ functions and ultimately a change in behavior, such as fleeing, hiding, or freezing from perceived traumatic events.
Knowledge precedes everything, especially if it is Ilahi knowledge, studying about your religion and learning the 'Ulum of Ahlul Bayt (a.s.).
Studying Hawzah is free of charge, and if for whatever reason a certain institute that offers Hawzah studies charge a fee, they are usually a bare minimum which any person would generally be able to pay.
Should your plan be to travel to Qom or Najaf to study Hawzah, you will only need to pay for the air ticket, and basic expenses to establish yourself there. The Hawzah will then give you some monthly wages.
This could eat into your budget you have allocated for marriage, but if you have become acquainted with Islam, you will know that the process of getting married should also be cheap and reasonable. By avoiding excessive things, you will also be able to get happily married.
Therefore, I do not see any of the two to be an obstacle, or affect the other, as long as you are making the correct choices. You do not have to choose one over the other, but rather pursue both at once.
With your tawakkul on Allah ta'ala, and sincere intentions, and dua, you will successfully accomplish both, in shaa Allah.
With prayers for your success.
Fear of death is mainly caused by misunderstanding death and its consequences or because of fearing the bad results of sinful acts.
Death is a definite stage in the life of every human being and it does not mean a disaster but a transfer from a stage of life to another stage in which good people will enjoy the great reward and Mercy of Allah, while bad people will meet the results of their own deeds.
Believing in The Mercy of Allah should make us hope to get from His Mercy whether we are alive in this world or after this world.
Death is the start of the happy life of the believer as well as the start of punishment of the enemies of Allah.
Always trust and hope to get from Allah's Mercy and repeat: YA ARHAMARRAHIMEEN. Repeating Salawaat and Estighfaar is also very useful in getting peace of mind.
This is a very important question, and relevant to all of us, as we all somehow socially interact with others. In today's society, the boundaries of non-mahram interaction are also weaker than before, which makes it even more challenging for us Muslims.
Please watch this presentation I gave in the holy month on this very topic, with detail explanation. It starts from the 1:38 hour mark:
Repeating Estighfaar, Salawaat, Ya Arham Arrahimeen, Ayatul Kursi, Sura Al-Hamd and Sura Tawheed.
Inshallah you will find someone. As they say, there is somebody for everybody.
Attraction is somewhat different from conventional standards of beauty or handsomeness; sometimes two people like each other even if they don't fit society's definition of what is attractive. And, of course, different people have different ideas of what they find attractive in a mate. So, I am sure you have some features or qualities which are appealing!
And, of course, not everyone is looking primarily at physical appearance; some people value inner qualities such as compassion, helpfulness, reliability, and other things; or they admire other skills such as artistic skill, intellect, sports skill, charitable work, good conversation, or whatever. This is, of course, apart from religiosity.
If you really feel you are not physically appealing, then maybe it is good to focus on demonstrating the other personal qualities you have to offer, and this could make you look good in the other person's eyes. Most people would much prefer to be with someone who genuinely demonstrates they will look after them and be there for them or other demonstrations of good character (such as helping others) rather than someone who just looks good.
If you are male, you could consider that a lot of women don't look primarily at physical appearance especially if they are looking to settle down and have a stable life. If you need to convince the family, certainly most women's families couldn't care less what the man looks like. At the end of the day, physical appearance waxes and wanes, but a person's character remains.
As for career, do your best (and these are difficult times). But also remember that, these days, depending on where you live, there isn't always a social expectation that the man will be the sole provider (even if he is obliged to be by shariah). Also, as women get older, if they are single, they are more likely to have a career and income. So, this might become less important if you look to marry someone in a slightly older age bracket. Inshallah Allah will enrich you upon marriage, as the Qur'an says.
In my observation, the main factors for people getting married and staying married are not handsomeness/beauty and wealth, but, rather, having a good set of family values and a strong sense of commitment, as well as maintaining strong social ties with others. (This is somewhat counter to what people think.)
Put differently, most people who genuinely want to get married, do get married.
Often, when people don't get married, there is sometimes some underlying reason; for instance, they aren't really wanting commitment, they are unable to make up their mind, or there is something else pushing a potential spouse away (apart from financial reasons). So if you know someone who has good insight into human beings, you could ask the if there is anything that you might change in how you are looking for a spouse or how you are interacting with potential spouses or their families.
Of course, there could be nothing for them to say and it could simply be a matter of circumstances or simply not being the right time for you.
Anyway, inshallah, will do duas for your finding a good spouse. Continue to ask Allah especially on laylat al qadr and Allah is shy to reject duas!
You should try your best to get married with a suitable believer as soon as possible. Outer looking is not important nor financial situation as far as faith and morals are nice.
Marriage itself opens gates of income as we read in the Hadeeth: Get married for more income, surely marriage brings blessings in income. تزوّجوا للرزق فإن فيهن بركة.
Keep on repeating Salawaat and Istighfaar and reciting the verse: إنّ هذا لَرِزقُنا ما له مِن نَفاد Sura 38, verse 54.
Most of people misunderstand the fact of death and think it as terrible and fearful. The terrible death is only for the sinners who did insist on wrong till their death and never repented. Death for the believer is bounty and great relief from the sufferings of this worldly life. When we read Quran, we find that the moment of death of a believer is the start of new life of mercy, bounties and peace. (Refer to Sura Al-Waqi'ah). We also read in Quran that pious believer is been received by the angles on his death with peace and good news of entering Paradise: Those (Believers) whose souls are taken back by the angles, angles tell them: Peace be upon you, enter the Paradise for the good which you used to do. Sura 16, Verse 32.
Authentic Hadeeths stated that every believer will have the pleasure of seeing the Prophet (SAWA) and Ameerul Mo'mineen (AS) and other Infallible Imams (AS) on his death and they will give him best news of Paradise.
It is narrated in a Hadeeth that death is the happiest day for the believer.
Understanding these facts should make the believer not only free from fearing death but also longing for that happiness. We read in Ziyarat Ameen Allah ; O Allah make me longing for the happiness of meeting Your Mercy ( Death). مشتاقة إلى فرحة لقائك.
Death is ordained by Allah, The Most Merciful, on all the creatures and it is part of His Mercy. Enemies of Allah will face the results of their bad deeds, but believers and pious servants of Allah will meet The Great Mercy of Allah.
There is no religious or ethical responsibility for things we cannot control. So, if you cannot control your actions, there is no sin.
However, if you refuse to eat and it harms you or leads to death, and if you can control this and have a free choice, then it is a sin, because it is a sin to harm yourself.
Whether or not you can control this is something you can decide; there is no benefit in being guilty over something which you cannot control, because it will probably just make things worse and add anxiety.
Inshallah I hope you will find a solution that will help you to be free from this problem.
It is a sin to waste food but it is not s sin to give it to others to utilize it when you don't want to eat it for any reason.
Your mental condition needs proper treatment to be a normal person with out anorexia or any other abnormality.
Repentance needs real feeling of sorrow on committing the sinful act and firm decision not to do it again. If you just fear the punishment but do not sincerely feel sorry for committing the sin or you did not decide to refrain from doing it again, then there is no question of forgiveness.
It is a good opportunity to spend time exploring the vastness and diversity of the Qur'an and Islamic heritage, and the various ways that Islam is lived and understood. It may be that you will find others, past or present, who shared your views or concerns. There are as many ways to live Islam as there are Muslims, and while there is a tendency to treat what is around one's self as "the only Islam", the reality is that it is only one of many views. Even among a specific group, such as Twelver Shi'is, there are many different ways the religion is lived in practice.
Also, it is a good time for self-reflection about what you believe regarding the basics. For instance, do you believe in God, what do you believe is the nature of God (assuming you believe God exists), what do you believe regarding the afterlife, what do you believe with respect to social ideals, do you believe the Qur'an is divine revelation, etc.
It is considered to be part of the normal developmental process of human beings to transition from simply accepting what one is told as a child regarding religion, to questioning it and processing it into something one can successfully stand on independently as an adult. Sometimes, this requires some shifts. In fact, throughout life, it is not unusual for those who are strongly committed to a religion to periodically readjust their ideas of what their religion means to them, what they believe to be true, etc, as our understanding (ideally) continues to mature as we gain life experience.
Lastly it doesn't hurt to be honest inside one's self about people's failings. (Sometimes it isn't tactful or wise to share those views, but one can at least be self-honest.) For instance, some Islamic centres are healthy environments. Some are not. Some Islamic schools are healthy environments. Some are not. Some Muslims live the ideals of Islam including trust in God, courage, justice, compassion, honesty, thinking the best of people, and so on; and others do not. Just putting the label "Islamic" on something does not mean that it is representing the values of the Qur'an; one has to dig deeper and see what is actually going on.
Part of the process of adulthood can involve coming to accept the reality that our parents (or other significant adults who were around us when we grew up) are flawed human beings and, like everyone else, sometimes act certain ways due to fears, inner insecurities, low self-esteem, frustration, psychological challenges, difficulty in handling various aspects of their self, and so forth. It can be difficult for young children to handle this because young children tend to see their parents as gods and providers. It is also something we don't tend to be very honest about in our public discussions in the Muslim community. However when we look at every other single person in the world we can see they have flaws and sometimes be compassionate towards them or at least understand why they do what they do; in difficult family situations, it can take time to be able to do that with one's parents. It can perhaps be more difficult when things are done in the name of God or religion. Still, it can be part of a healthy growth process and of transitioning from simply doing/being what one was told as a child to full maturity. It can also help guide us to how we want to live our lives, and if some examples in our upbringing were not ideal, we can at least consciously decide not to copy them in our own family lives and try to live in a way we think is healthier.
Unfortunately what you mentioned can be a common occurrence in Muslim communities. Some parents bring their children up in a way where they fail to explain the reasons behind certain Islamic practices and rather just force them. For example, instead of parents explaining the philosophy behind hijab and how it was a practice of the pious women, they may just force their daughter to wear it with the threat of being beaten if they don’t!
Knowledge and wisdom should be used when teaching anyone about Islam.
The best way to overcome this would be to research into Islam and it’s laws.
When you understand the religion more and gain knowledge, it should solidify your own faith more and make you able to distinguish between the right and wrong ways in which Islam was introduced to you.
May Allah grant you success